The Hangdog Hearts – Dark Strutter #manlymusicfriday
I love the dark undertones of The Hangdog Hearts. It’s haunting, masculine, and gritty. Good stuff guys!
I love the dark undertones of The Hangdog Hearts. It’s haunting, masculine, and gritty. Good stuff guys!
At Manlihood.com, we don’t want to be like Esquire, GQ, or Maxim. We have a different moral compass and a different motivation than other men’s magazines. But that doesn’t mean we have to be afraid to talk about sexuality. This month, we’re going to talk about how to reignite your sex life with your spouse. Disclaimer: I may be a little old fashioned. My perspective on sex may be filled with assumptions about marriage as the primary conduit for sexual activity. This doesn’t mean I’m judging anyone who does it differently. I’ll leave it up to you how you apply these blog posts.
If you want to ignite the romance, you need to fuel the fire. Meet her needs. What is it that she needs? What do women really want?
1. Security –
This is true in so many levels. Dave Ramsey talks about how women have a security gland that needs to be stimulated every now and then – and it’s true. Financially – women need to know that they aren’t going to lose everything – that they aren’t going to the poorhouse.
While SOME women are stronger and more powerful, or even more financially secure than man – it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a deep need for security. You might not even be the one that provides the security. But I can tell you this – you can help do your part to manage it. You can’t control how she feels, or really fix her insecurities – but you can be conscious of the security that she needs, and find ways to help her feel it.
2. Respect –
You wouldn’t think that anyone has to say it out loud – but we do. And often.
Somewhere a long the line, mysogyny became commonplace – and then in response to it – feminism got almost just as ugly.
Let’s establish a few benchmarks.
She is not beneath you.
You are not better than her.
You should treat her better than you treat yourself.
Don’t hit her, belittle her, mock her, or talk badly about her.
Funny what happens when you make the decision to always be on her side.
3. A Break –
Especially if you’ve got kids. She needs a chance to breathe. Get her out and take a walk on a local trail. Find some nature, and give her a spot to sit in the sun while YOU take the kids over to the playground. Get a hotel room out of town away from all of the crazy for a night.
For some reason, we expect women to work outside the home, AND do all the household chores. So tell her that YOU will cook dinner tonight, and she can watch The Voice.
4. Friendship –
Not just from you. She needs to have people that she trusts and can unpack and unload her mind with. She DOES need you to be her friend – but she also needs other women to connect with. Don’t be jealous if she has a friendship with another man – but my recommendation is that cross-gender friendships should be friends that you have together, or friends that you deal with publicly, and not privately.
Either way – make sure she has good friends in her life, and be careful with being jealous of a little time with her “girlfriends.”
5. Backup –
No matter what – you’ve got her back. Even if she makes a bad decision – you need to be on her side. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with the bad decision – but she does need to know you are there with her and for her.
Don’t let the kids win. Don’t talk bad about her to the kids. Don’t let your mother run her mouth about her.
You wouldn’t think that all of these things have anything to do with better sex – but they DO. Try it and see. When you meet those needs, she’s going to love you more deeply.
At Manlihood.com, we don’t want to be like Esquire, GQ, or Maxim. We have a different moral compass and a different motivation than other men’s magazines. But that doesn’t mean we have to be afraid to talk about sexuality. This month, we’re going to talk about how to reignite your sex life with your spouse. Disclaimer: I may be a little old fashioned. My perspective on sex may be filled with assumptions about marriage as the primary conduit for sexual activity. This doesn’t mean I’m judging anyone who does it differently. I’ll leave it up to you how you apply these blog posts.
Listen up men. Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts in the everyday. If you find yourself in a slump – you may need to do some inventory in the romance department.
Look at romance like a gas tank. If you don’t put gasoline in – the car will eventually run out. When it runs out, you may hear the soup nazi call, “No Soup for You!”
(forgive me if I’m mixing metaphors!)
Are you investing in your bride? Are you spending the time OUTSIDE of the bedroom to make her want you later?
Here’s a list of things to start doing to reignite that romance.
Hold hands in public.
Write her a love note, thanking her for what she does for you.
Call her on your lunch break.
Buy her a cupcake.
Cook dinner.
Hold the door open for her.
TELL HER she’s beautiful. (Do this often.)
Gift gifts that make her feel special.
Play games together.
Whatever you USED to do together for fun – do again.
Ease her load by helping her with washing the dishes or the laundry.
Send her a letter in the mail.
Really, the key is know her, what her her needs are – and seeing it as your role to meet those needs.
I know our country has issues… but I believe pretty strongly that what made this nation great is still kicking around here somewhere…
America’s independence is what makes it great – and many have referred to us as “a city on a hill.”
On a personal level, how we live with our independence sets the stage for how others see us, and it can inspire them to live a life that matters too.
No one is perfect, and it’s important to know that no one is really expecting you to be. (If they are – that’s THEIR problem, not yours.) But how we live our lives does matter. What people think of us really does matter. If people see you as a troublemaker, lazy, or dishonest – it will affect your job.
I had a boss who thought I was great. He ran into a former boss at a party. The former boss told the new boss that I was lazy. From that day on – the new boss saw me as lazy.
Whether I was lazy or not – what matters is the perception – and while I think part of independence is living a life that can’t be derailed by the critics – the other part of that balance is recognizing that your freedom isn’t so that you can slack off, lie, or do whatever you want. These things are dangerous to freedom.
To be independent, you also need to be independently moral. Don’t be a good person just because everyone else wants you to be. Don’t be a good person so you can get to heaven someday (and that’s now how that works, by the way) Rather – be a good person because that’s who you ARE.
Even though he looks slick in this video, Jack White makes this dirty, grimy sounding music, that sounds like a man smells…
Part of being independent is recognizing that many are not. There are so many people on this planet who are enslaved or oppressed by any number of circumstances. As a man with independence, it’s up to you to set captives free.
I know that sounds a bit metaphorical – but it’s true.
After America won our war for independence, we became a beacon of hope, and a source of support to other nations who wanted to do the same.
Are there people around you who are enslaved by addictions, or bad attitudes?
Are there women in your town who are stuck in prostitution?
Are there people in poverty in your community who need a hand up?
Are there people who need a friend, a mentor, someone who cares about them just to help them get through the day?
Be that friend, be that hand, be that help, so that people don’t have to stay locked in the patterns that destroy them.
I LOVE The Black Keys, and their modern bluesy sound.
Americans love their independence. We love our freedom. It’s hard wired in each of us to be independent… and this July, we explore what that means
If we keep last week’s post about balance in mind – then we can certainly look at what ti means to be independent – as a virtue.
When we are born into a family, they take responsibility to raise us. They feed, clothe, shelter, nurture, and train us – and then comes the day when all of that responsibility passes back to us. For some, it’s when we graduate high school, or turn 18. For others, it’s when we graduate college. For others – the lines are quite blurry, as they try to navigate their way onto the freeway of life.
It’s vital for a man to stand on his own two feet. While it’s obvious that not everyone’s circumstance or situation is the same, we all need to acknowledge that the idea of “failing to launch” is prevalent. Men who perpetually live at home with their mother, and take no responsibility for their future are really just overgrown boys.
Now I KNOW, that there are circumstances where it’s okay for a man to live at home, to delay his departure. Maybe he’s still going to school, and needs to share expenses. Maybe he needs to stay with mom and pop for a few months to get back on his feet. Maybe mom and dad needs someone to help take care of THEM because of health problems. I’m not judging those situations.
But if you are living at home with no intention of moving out, or no intention of contributing to the living expenses, and well being of the family. If you are an adult, living at home, with no job prospects on the horizon, then listen up.
The most rewarding thing a man can do is to provide for himself, and maybe even be able to give back to his parents for the time they supported him.
I’ll never forget the way I felt the first time I took my parents out to dinner. Usually, they offered to help foot the bill. Which was nice, and I always appreciated it. Even today, I can’t take them out very often. But it really does feel rewarding when I am able to give to mom and dad, knowing how generous and selfless they’ve been to take care of me.
There’s also freedom in knowing that you are in charge of your life. No one can tell you what to do with your life because you pay the bills.
Whatever station you find yourself in – maybe you are a teenager in high school, or a college student, or even a full-blown grown up living in mom’s basement…. start making steps NOW to move out. Get a job. Save your money. Learn skills that will translate into a higher paycheck in the future. Whatever you do – make a commitment to get on your own two feet as soon as it’s humanly possible.