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MMC 37: What BOYS Do – Part 1: Whine

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Episode 37: What BOYS Do – Part 1: Whine
Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.

The first one of those behaviors? Whining

Obviously – men do this. It is a behavior that didn’t just “die” with the onset of manhood – but it should.

I don’t think that identifying something that is wrong and needs to be repaired is the same thing as whining. It’s okay to identify a need, talk about solutions, and then implement solutions.

Now that we’ve established that- let’s talk about whining.

Boys who don’t get their way complain about it.

Men learn to deal with it, and find solutions to problems.

Life isn’t fair. It’s true, and you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.

Harvey Mackay

Firmness in enduring and exertion is a character I always wish to possess. I have always despised the whining yelp of complaint and cowardly resolve.

Robert Burns

The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.

Francis Jeffrey

If you want to behave like a man – you won’t whine. Complaining changes nothing but other’s attitudes about you.

This was originally published in May of 2015 – read the full series of blog posts here:
http://www.manlihood.com/tag/what-boys-do/

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.
This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
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Understanding Gentlemen: Of Courtship and Flowerpicking

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Of Courtship and Flowerpicking

 

TRIGGER WARNING: The following post contains old-fashioned ideas about relationships and sexuality. Don’t read if you can’t handle the fact that I might hold ideas that you think are outdated or prudish. Better yet, ready it anyway and give it some thought. The worst that can happen is you might be exposed to someone else’s viewpoint. Most likely, you’ll see that I’m a reasonable person.

 

Somewhere in our 50 Shades of Tinder and snapchat soaked generation of “thirsty” bros, we’ve completely abandoned some old school ideas that I think really matters.

Yes. I’m old fashioned. I’m okay with that. If you think differently than I do – I am not judging you, I’m not offended by you, and I won’t disrespect you.

I think sexuality should be reserved for marriage.

I think sexuality should be gentle, not degrading.

I think that dating shouldn’t be exclusive, and should have strings attached.
I think courtship, or “going steady” should be done carefully, and with the goal of marriage in mind.

 

I have a lot more old fashioned ideas about this. But I think this is enough to give you my framework.
When it comes to courtship and dating (and yes, there is a distinction between the two) there’s something a man must do. HIs toughness, wildness and strength is not TAMED by her – but rather, he is RESTRAINED for her.

He treats her gently, picks flowers for her, braids her hair, and as such, she sees in him the true beauty of his affection for her – his RESTRAINT.

If a man cares for a woman, treating her gently does not neuter him, does not tame him, does not make him any less tough – no – it’s a chance to prove his love by showing restraint.

I think that if he jumps the gun, and enters into a sexual relationship before the proper time (in my opinion, after marriage) then he demonstrates not restraint, but rather shows her his lack of self-control.

That same restraint is important in the bedroom after marriage as well. He reserves his sexuality only for her. He also continues to treat her gently.

Our porn-saturated culture has normalized the degrading of women during sex. I think that a true gentleman does not descend to calling a woman names, or inflicting pain during sex. That isn’t love, and shouldn’t be portrayed as such.

No matter the stage of your relationship – to be a gentleman, you must exercise self-control!

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Understanding Gentlemen: Courtesy and Kindness Go a long way

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Courtesy and Kindness Go a long way

As men, we long to be known for our strength, or ruggedness. If we are not particularly strong, we may have shifted that to a desire to be known for our intellect or creativity. Either way, what each of us want, is supremacy.  We want to be the best. We want to be the smartest. In fact, we often lie to ourselves very subtly, to tell ourselves that we are the best and most important person in the room.  Even those who may take up the mantle to fight for the downtrodden seem to share this character trait. You see it from  the Twitter feed of “social justice warriors” and even the old men swapping fish stories at the corner store over coffee. It’s human nature to put ourselves at the center of our own world.

A gentlemen shows a great that butts against this.  Courtesy. Kindness.

To put someone else’s needs ahead of our own clashes with our own inner beast.  And it often inspires the same response in others!

Let me challenge you directly, men. There are others who are smarter and stronger. And even those who are weaker and not as smart that need you to defer to them sometimes. They need you to step up and show kindness, politeness.

There are people that just need a smile, a laugh, a friend.

They might need you to offer a helping hand, or even make a sacrifice to help meet a bigger need.

I believe showing kindness goes against human nature, which is about self. Kindness though is built in is too… it’s built in because we are made in the image of God.
Let us never forget the kindness others have shown us, and let us live indebted to pay it forward in acts of love and service

Manlihood Gentlemen

Understanding Gentlemen: Moderated Ferocity

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Moderated Ferocity

 

Gentle should never mean weak.

Erase that image from your head, and make sure to erase it from the minds of those around you.

 

I’ll never forget wrestling with my father when I was a boy and even a young man. My dad had some military training, some martial arts training, and years of brawling and fighting behind him. He was stronger than any man I knew.

 

He definitely showed that strength while we rolled around in the living room floor. He could have crushed my head, snapped a bone, or really seriously hurt me. But he didn’t. He was gentle.

 

Being gentle is not being weak. It is moderating and controlling strength.

 

The Allegheny River flowed through our backyard. We were twenty miles from the source, so some would have called it a creek. A very deep swimming hole right on our backyard used to draw young people from town who wanted to cool off in the brown water.

 

Many of those young people were very disrespectful to my dad’s property, and to my dad himself. He would hear kids cussing or fighting, or catch kids littering or even driving or drugging, and would walk down the river and set them straight. I watched boys and girls day things to my dad that should have been greeted with a smack to the face. But he always kept his cool. He would very firmly ask them to leave. If his eyes got fiery, those kids would scatter. Once in awhile, a young man would need to be physically removed. Dad could have killed them. He never did.
That’s gentleness. That’s a gentleman.

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On the Side: Making Extra Money – Part 3

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Sell Everything

Dave Ramsey talks about getting out of debt by selling everything that isn’t nailed down.
Debt might not be your rationale about making more money, but there are certainly ways you could turn the junk sitting around your house into extra cash.

1. Facebook – Sell in local garage sale groups / Facebook Marketplace
2. Online Selling Apps – there are a number of apps for selling. Letgo, VarageSale, and more.

  1. Craigslist or other local classified sites
  2. Ebay / Amazon – This takes a little more skill, but you can make money selling your junk on these sites.

 

This doesn’t include an old fashioned garage sale. Just put it out on a table and toss a price sticker on it. If it is sitting around unused, why not liquidate it, and put that cash back into what you need?

 

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On the Side: Making Extra Money – Part 2

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Monetize your hobby

 

Growing up, my father had a hobby that paid. He was a professional birthday clown. He still is, though he has slowed down these days.

Dad was passionate about clowning, and learned the skill well. He practiced making balloons and telling jokes and simple magic tricks. I would come home from school to a house full of animal balloons, while he worked on new designs.

For dad, clowning was fun. But it also gave extra cash for the family. He would often pick us up after a job and take us out for dinner (still dressed in his clown suit.)

Your hobby most likely isn’t clowning, but I have to ask, are you able to monetize it?

Many hobbies, golf, shooting, four wheeling, etc, may cost quite a bit for men to participate. That doesn’t mean they are worthless hobbies! If you enjoy it and it adds value to your life, that’s fine! But I do want you to consider how you can create a hobby that can make money.

Do you like to make things? Wood Furniture, Leatherworking, Paracord Bracelets

Do you like to create? Painting, Graphic Design, Music,

Do you like to work outside? Landscaping, Gardening, Carpentry


Any number of hobbies could be turned into a way to make a little money. If you like golf, and are good at it – you could teach a course, or coach a student club! If you like hiking orhunting, you could take the inexperienced out to explore.

Take a minute in the comments to tell me what your hobby is, and we can discuss how you can monetize it!

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On the Side: Making Extra Money – Part 1

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Passive Income is Best

In the old days, one average salary could feed, shelter, clothe, and entertain a family. Today though, inflation, corruption, and financial mismanagement have put us in a position where we often find ourselves in pursuit of more “hustle” to make ends meet. Many families have two or three jobs just to cover basic expenses.

I’m no financial guru, and while my own income streams are still growing, I have studied and researched much about how to create a side hustle to make residual passive income.

 

What is passive income?

Passive income comes from royalties, rents, dividends, or residuals. You work up front or invest, and over time, your investment pays you back.

Investopedia says:

Earnings an individual derives from a ren​tal property, limited partnership or other enterprise in which he or she is not materially involved. As with non-passive income, passive income is usually taxable; however it is often treated differently by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).

 

What would that passive income look like for you?

1. Rental properties – If you have some cash to invest in rental properties, and enough to keep up the properties, you can make enough to pay for your investment, and then make a profit.

2. Royalties – If you write a book, record music, and sell it, either through self-publishing, or a publisher or record label – you can collect income each month from that source.

3. Investments – investing cash in a mutual fund, or even riskier stocks can bring you dividends each month.

 

  1. Online business – this could be many things. Often, people create products to sell – they could be real tangible items, virtual courses, subscription services, or more.

 

Passive income is not free and easy money – it does take work, time, and investment to build these sources – but they can pay off later with minimal maintenance, if done well.

Ultimately, my goal is to generate a full time income from passive income. I’d like to be able to “retire” from working to build someone else’s dream, and work 100 percent building my own. I’m not there yet, but we’re headed there!
I highly recommend following Pat Flynn at Smart Passive income for some ideas on how to make it happen for you!

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Wild: The Fire

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To be wild, to hear the heartbeat of nature, to feel the rush of adrenal strength, to drink from the fresh air and howl at the moon – these are things that are embedded into men.

 

Something else that we’ve lost when our culture became civilized and pushed out the wild men – the fire.

Today, we gather around the television and let people tell us stories, with the imagination already painted for us. Or we pretend to gather in virtual communities – typing with our thumbs and sending each other cat videos and poop emojis.

But in the WILD – men gathered around a fire at the end of the evening. The fire cooked the food from the hunt. It kept the predators away. It kept the tribe warm.

But more importantly than that, it united them. It gave them communion with each other, with the stories of their ancestors.

They laughed, sang, and told stories while the little ones fell asleep in daddy’s lap.

Generations later, we brought the fire from the outside to the inside, in stone hearths. Our tribes were smaller, but the same thing happened. Grandpa played his fiddle, Pa smoked his pipe. Grandma braided hair and they told stories of the good old days.

Today, our heat is made from underground pipes or copper coils. Our songs are auto-tuned, and we all listen to our own with our Beats by Dre or earbuds.  Our stories aren’t even our own anymore – as we stopped having real adventures generations ago. OR we’re afraid that Grandpa’s war stories might frighten the children, or trigger the young and traumatized adults. (When Grandpa was their age, he was in ‘Nam dodging bullets.) But now Grandpa lives in Florida, or in a nursing home, rather than to spend his remaining years with his loved ones.

Can we recapture the tribal fire? Can we sit with our band of brothers, their wives, kids, moms, and dads and tell stories again? Can we teach our kids that electronics are nice, but sometimes the untamed and raw beauty of a fire is what our soul really craves?