Today’s guest has a message for dads. Ben Killoy helps dads live up to be the kind of father’s they are meant to be.
Marine Corps Vet and Dad Coach
Ben Killoy served in the Marine Corps, and he and his wife have three kids.
Ben’s journey to become a better father and find his purpose has uncovered a new passion – helping other men find their purpose and become better fathers.
Leading Men Through Their Darkness
Ben Killoy says, “We all know what goes up must come down but we forget that gravity pulls. Working together we will create a vision of a future with gravity to pull you towards it. That remaining who you are every day is the craziest thought you have ever had.”
By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation.
Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor– and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.
Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be– That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks–for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation–for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his Providence which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war–for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed–for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted–for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us.
and also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions– to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually–to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed–to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord–To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease of science among them and us–and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.
Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.
At Manlihood, we’re curating chunks of manly wisdom for you.
If you’re like a lot of men, you may find yourself short on time for reading long books to look for wisdom that you can apply to your life…. We’re offering you the Campbells Soup version… the best quotes and insights to help inspire you to be an even better man.
Today, in honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday, we’re featuring quotes
Thanks for listening, and if you like these Chunks of Manly Wisdom, you’ll love the book that we put together for you. You can get it FREE at Manlihood.com/chunk
“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” – Epictetus
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” – G.K. Chesterton
‘Enough’ is a feast. – Buddhist proverb
“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” – Robert Quillen
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.” – John F. Kennedy
“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” – Charles Dickens
“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” – Eckhart Tolle
“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.” – Frank A. Clark
“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.” – Gerald Good
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
“The world has enough beautiful mountains and meadows, spectacular skies and serene lakes. It has enough lush forests, flowered fields, and sandy beaches. It has plenty of stars and the promise of a new sunrise and sunset every day. What the world needs more of is people to appreciate and enjoy it.” – Michael Josephson
“Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.” – Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” – Charles Schwab
“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer
“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” – William James
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha
“Silent gratitude isn’t very much to anyone.” – Gertrude Stein
“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” – Henri Frederic Amiel
“You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson
“It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed in the same moment.” – Naomi Williams
“One can never pay in gratitude; one can only pay ‘in kind’ somewhere else in life.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” – John Wooden
“No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.” – Alfred North Whitehead
“Forget yesterday–it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow–you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift–today.” – Steve Maraboli
“We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count.” – Neal A. Maxwell
“In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“I truly believe we can either see the connections, celebrate them, and express gratitude for our blessings, or we can see life as a string of coincidences that have no meaning or connection. For me, I’m going to believe in miracles, celebrate life, rejoice in the views of eternity, and hope my choices will create a positive ripple effect in the lives of others. This is my choice.” – Mike Ericksen
“Gratitude also opens your eyes to the limitless potential of the universe, while dissatisfaction closes your eyes to it.” – Stephen Richards
“Gratitude and attitude are not challenges; they are choices.” – Robert Braathe
“They both seemed to understand that describing it was beyond their powers, the gratitude that spreads through your body when a burden gets lifted, and the sense of homecoming that follows, when you suddenly remember what it feels like to be yourself.” – Tom Perrotta
“Gratitude is more of a compliment to yourself than someone else.” – Raheel Farooq
“Keep your eyes open and try to catch people in your company doing something right, then praise them for it.” – Tom Hopkins
“In life, one has a choice to take one of two paths: to wait for some special day–or to celebrate each special day.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru
Do you have testicular fortitude? Do you want to embrace your life of courage? Join our elite group of powerhouse men who are changing the world. Manlihood.com/brotherhood
In World War II, paratroopers would yell “Geronimo!” as they jumped out airplanes into battle. Growing up on Looney Tunes, I heard the shouting of that name many times over the years, and associated it with bravery and courage.
But who was Geronimo?
By all accounts in his day, he would have been seen as an outlaw. A rogue Apache on the run from the US Government. But his story is one of a man with an unquenchable fire to fight for freedom for his people.
He was born in 1829 in what would eventually become Arizona. His actual name, Goyahkla, means “one who yawns.”
He lived among the Chiricahua tribe of Apaches, and as he came of age, his people were at war with the Mexicans in the South and the US government to the North, as well as a constant war with the Comanche and Navajo.
In 1851, a group of Mexican soldiers led by Colonel Jose Maria Carrasco attacked his family camp while he was away, killing his wife, his mother, and his three children.
A voice in the wind
As was custom, he burned his family’s belongings and headed into the forest to grieve. Goyahkla said he heard a voice in the wilderness that told him, “No bullet will ever hurt you. I will guide your arrows.”
Imbued with courage from this prophecy, He declared his own war, and stalked and killed the soldiers that murdered his family.
Historians aren’t sure where the name Geronimo appeared. It could be a mispronouncing of his name, or could be associated with the sound of Mexican soldiers crying out to Saint Jerome as they were being killed by the vengeful warrior – but somehow, the name Geronimo stuck in the cultural consciousness.
Eventually, Mexico lost its war with the US, and lost claims to Arizona as well. The US Westward expansion means that the land inhabited by the natives is considered property of the United States. Tension and skirmishes arise as the US attempts to relocate the apaches. In 1872, the Chiricahua were given a reservation which included some of their original lands, but they were later relocated to live with other Apaches at the San Carlos Reservation in Arizona.
Geronimo broke out of that reservation three separate times, and he would evade capture for long periods of time each time.
He believed bullets couldn’t kill him. He wasn’t afraid of the soldiers or the bounty hunters or anyone else who tried to force him to leave his homelands and live on the reservation.
His story got picked up by the sensational newspapers of the day, and he became an anti-hero – a symbol of courage as he bucked the system. Certainly some considered a villain, but even they couldn’t deny his courage and perseverance.
In 1885, a 55 year old Geronimo escaped the reservation again with 135 Apache followers, raiding Mexican and American settlements, and killing civilians for almost a year. He was forced to surrender to the US Army, but yet again, Geronimo and several of his men escaped, drawing the ire and causing the embarrassment of the US Government.
The US Army sent 5,000 troops, along with 3,000 Mexican troops to capture Geronimo and his men. Their knowledge of the hill country allowed them to evade capture for 5 months.
In 1886, Geronimo turned himself in at Skeleton Canyon.
He was eventually imprisoned at Fort Sill at the Commanche and Kiowa reservation in what is now Oklahoma.
He spent the last 14 years of his life at Fort Sill, with occasional government approved trips to attend Wild West Shows, where he was shown off – his reputation as an unbeatable rebel, now compliant, made him quite a draw for crowds.
Geronimo and Teddy Roosevelt
Geronimo was even invited to attend the inauguration of Teddy Roosevelt. Geronimo along with several other chiefs were paraded in full headgear and war paint in attempt to show that they had “buried the hatchet forever.”
The New York Tribune tells the story of Geronimo’s meeting with Roosevelt. “Take the ropes from our hands,” Geronimo asked the President, with tears “running down his bullet-scarred cheeks.”
Roosevelt told Geronimo that the Indian had a “bad heart.” “You killed many of my people; you burned villages…and were not good Indians.” Roosevelt told him he would have to “wait and see” how well the Indians would “behave” on the reservation.
The meeting was quickly adjourned and Geronimo was shuffled back to the reservation in Oklahoma, where he died in 1909.
Geronimo’s fight for freedom ended in captivity and disappointment– despite converting to Christianity in an attempt to show Roosevelt that he could be a “good Indian” – he was still denied the only request he ever longed for.
His story resonated for generations… a rebel, refusing to capitulate, surviving against all odds with a heart that beat for his homeland and his people. And THAT is why Geronimo had Testicular Fortitude.
Josh and Harvey talk about a number of things, including the stigma of a man not pursuing a career in order to raise his family, Harvey’s perspective on the world as a black man, and a meaningful conversation that gets to the heart of what it means to be a man.
Harvey Laguerre is a 47 year old, stay-at-home dad of 4.
During the pandemic, Harvey started a marriage and relationship podcast with is wife called “Love is Black.” That podcast’s success emboldened Harvey to start a new podcast, specifically for men.
Men are the P.R.I.Z.E. podcast is the result of years of learning what it means to be a man in the world today.
Harvey says, “The definition of masculinity has changed drastically and not for the better. Attributes that were once manly, are now toxic. What has not changed is the lack of safe spaces for men to express their emotions. Being a vulnerable man is not celebrated like it should be. This podcast is that safe space for men to open up and reveal their inner monologue.”
The “Men Are The Prize” is a podcast for men to be open and vulnerable. Harvey uses PRIZE as an acronym, and that acronym directs his conversations with his guests.
Each letter represents a characteristic men need to succeed.
Norah Mirnerny: “For some, the deadly virus and its upheaval constituted the “first big thing they’d ever been through.” Meanwhile, McInerny and others whose lives had been shaped by grief, loss or tragedy had long known that “life is fragile and our pace in this modern world is untenable.”
Nora McInerny: I want my work to lower the bar for people. We have so much intense pressure to achieve and to perform in the face of all the suffering and struggle of modern life. You do not have to do anything other than just be a decent person and survive.
We will have Dr. Judson Brandeis on the show again soon, as he has recently done some work on the cutting edge of men’s sexual health that we want to be able to share with you!
From 2014 to 2020, his colleagues voted him as a Top Urologist in the San Francisco Bay Area, and he serves as Chief of Urology at John Muir Hospital and Hill Physicians for several years.
He attended Brown University, and got his MD at Vanderbilt. He’s been awarded the Howard Hughes Award for his research at Harvard Medical School, and he completed his surgery/urology residency (six years!) at UCLA.
Now, in the second half of his career, Dr. Brandeis is committed to “Optimizing Manhood.”
Helping men Feel Great, Look Good and Have Better Physical Intimacy so they can Leave a Legacy.
Dr. Brandeis’ clinical research improved men’s lives as he explores ways to better their sexual health, and overall physical health.
He stays on top of the latest treatments by attending Sexual Medicine and Urology meetings. He is the sirector of Sexual Medicine at The Aesthetic Show, and has written Sexual Medicine chapters for textbooks to educate other physicians as well.
What others are saying about Dr. Brandeis Book “The 21 Century Man”
“This book is one-stop shopping for the man who wants to improve, maintain, and optimize his health.” —Aaron Spitz, MD, Author of The Penis Book, Chair of AUA Telehealth Task Force, frequent guest on The Doctors
“Dr. Brandeis’s text on men’s health is a true tour de force. This will be valuable for all men over 40!” —Andrew Hecht, MD,Professor of Orthopedics and Neurosurgery, Chief of Spine Surgery, Mt Sinai Medical Center
“This comprehensive volume provides clear and concise coverage of all topics in men’s health, from head to toe and every organ in between. His bite-sized summaries are direct, thoughtful, and incredibly useful in demystifying the structure and function of all the critical parts of the male body.” —Mark S. Litwin, MD, MPH, Chairman of urology and professor of public health, UCLA
“The foundation of great, steamy sex is good health. All you need to know is in this book—practical, powerful and scientifically grounded information from leading authorities for satisfying sex that gets better with age.” —Susan Bratton, Intimacy Expert, Author, Co-founder/CEO of Personal Life Media and The20
When I was growing up, even in the feminism soaked 1980’s – the word “patriarch” had a sense of honor about it. I saw my father as the leader of our home. I saw the men that signed the Declaration of Independence as the “founding fathers” of our nation. The word “patriarch” was used to describe the biblical heroes like Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Joseph.
But if you hear the word today, it’s almost always surrounded in negativity, and sometimes outright hatred.
What if we could reclaim the word patriarch?
Patriarchy isn’t a bad word
This is a common thing these days, for a word to change in its connotation and its definition – to become a bad thing.
By definition, patriarchy is about the leadership of a father.
Over time, that definition has morphed to also imply the exclusion of females.
I understand that culturally, it may seem unfair that the father’s name is passed down, or that there tend to be more males in positions of leadership. I also understand that sometimes men step into a role of privilege and they do exclude women.
I think though, that the response to patriarchy being express poorly is to toss it all out. To tear down male leadership because some people do it wrong.
Leadership can be shared
In my home, I lead. My wife leads. We lead together. We have patriarchy and matriarchy.
Don’t allow yourself to be browbeat
I actually think that Critical Theory, and Communist philosophy has a lot to do with the driving factors of this amplified version of feminism. It believes in tearing down power structures. However, it doesn’t offer a good solution for the power vacuum created.
The truth is, men don’t have to be knocked down a peg in order to level the playing field.
Men do need to make room for women. But that doesn’t mean we can’t lead too. It means we BOTH need to respect each other.
Don’t allow the media, social media, or anyone else to browbeat you into thinking that you cannot or should not lead just because you are a male. That’s the exact same philosophy they claim to be fighting against!
It’s about responsibility, not privilege
The thing about leadership that most people don’t understand – is that it is NOT about privilege. A father leading his family doesn’t mean he gets to eat first at the dinner table because he’s the king… it means he’s the one making sure his family eats.
Leadership is about responsibility and service. Patriarchy is about responsibility and service.