gentlemen

August 22 2017

Understanding Gentlemen: Courtesy and Kindness Go a long way

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Courtesy and Kindness Go a long way

As men, we long to be known for our strength, or ruggedness. If we are not particularly strong, we may have shifted that to a desire to be known for our intellect or creativity. Either way, what each of us want, is supremacy. We want to be the best. We want to be the smartest. In fact, we often lie to ourselves very subtly, to tell ourselves that we are the best and most important person in the room. Even those who may take up the mantle to fight for the downtrodden seem to share this character trait. You see it from the Twitter feed of “social justice warriors” and even the old men swapping fish stories at the corner store over coffee. It’s human nature to put ourselves at the center of our own world.

A gentlemen shows a great that butts against this. Courtesy. Kindness.

To put someone else’s needs ahead of our own clashes with our own inner beast. And it often inspires the same response in others!

Let me challenge you directly, men. There are others who are smarter and stronger. And even those who are weaker and not as smart that need you to defer to them sometimes. They need you to step up and show kindness, politeness.

There are people that just need a smile, a laugh, a friend.

They might need you to offer a helping hand, or even make a sacrifice to help meet a bigger need.

I believe showing kindness goes against human nature, which is about self. Kindness though is built in is too… it’s built in because we are made in the image of God.
Let us never forget the kindness others have shown us, and let us live indebted to pay it forward in acts of love and service

August 15 2017

Understanding Gentlemen: Moderated Ferocity

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Moderated Ferocity

Gentle should never mean weak.

Erase that image from your head, and make sure to erase it from the minds of those around you.

I’ll never forget wrestling with my father when I was a boy and even a young man. My dad had some military training, some martial arts training, and years of brawling and fighting behind him. He was stronger than any man I knew.

He definitely showed that strength while we rolled around in the living room floor. He could have crushed my head, snapped a bone, or really seriously hurt me. But he didn’t. He was gentle.

Being gentle is not being weak. It is moderating and controlling strength.

The Allegheny River flowed through our backyard. We were twenty miles from the source, so some would have called it a creek. A very deep swimming hole right on our backyard used to draw young people from town who wanted to cool off in the brown water.

Many of those young people were very disrespectful to my dad’s property, and to my dad himself. He would hear kids cussing or fighting, or catch kids littering or even driving or drugging, and would walk down the river and set them straight. I watched boys and girls day things to my dad that should have been greeted with a smack to the face. But he always kept his cool. He would very firmly ask them to leave. If his eyes got fiery, those kids would scatter. Once in awhile, a young man would need to be physically removed. Dad could have killed them. He never did.
That’s gentleness. That’s a gentleman.

August 8 2017

Understanding Gentlemen: Chivalry is not Chauvinism

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Chivalry is not Chauvinism

Maybe it’s because chivalry and chauvinism both involve men and how they view women…. Maybe it’s because they both start with “ch”… But the meaning of chivalry is often mixed with chauvinism.

chiv·al·ry
ˈSHivəlrē/Submit
noun
the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.
historical
knights, noblemen, and horsemen collectively.
“I fought against the cream of French chivalry”
the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
synonyms: knight errantry, courtly manners, knightliness, courtliness, nobility; bravery, courage, boldness, valor, heroism, daring, intrepidity; bushido
“the values of chivalry”

chau·vin·ism
ˈSHōvəˌnizəm/Submit
noun
exaggerated or aggressive patriotism.
“public opinion was easily moved to chauvinism and nationalism”
synonyms: jingoism, excessive patriotism, blind patriotism, excessive nationalism, sectarianism, isolationism, flag-waving; More
excessive or prejudiced loyalty or support for one’s own cause, group, or gender.
plural noun: chauvinisms
“a bastion of male chauvinism”
synonyms: jingoism, excessive patriotism, blind patriotism, excessive nationalism, sectarianism, isolationism, flag-waving; xenophobia, racism, ethnocentrism, ethnocentricity; partisanship, partiality, prejudice, bias, discrimination, bigotry; male chauvinism, antifeminism, misogyny, sexism
“they have a tendency toward small-mindedness and chauvinism”

I don’t know if anyone even realizes they have connected the two words. I think it happened unconsciously somewhere around the time of the cultural revolution of the 60s.

I’ll be clear… that revolution for some very good things for women. There were many ridiculous ideas about women and their worth. Truly “male chauvinistic” ideas.

To be a gentleman is to value things rightly. To honor and respect women.

That sounds like chivalry to me.

Offering to hold the door for a woman didn’t mean we think she is weak. It means we want to show her honor.

It is polite to hold the door open for people, right?

Gentlemen show manners not just because of social norms or old fashioned rules… rather, that politeness comes out of a drive to honor people, to value people.
I can’t say that it will be ready to separate the cultural associations between chauvinism and chivalry, but we should strive to model that we are men of honor.