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personal development for men

Photo by Alexandra Gorn

MMC 65: Relationship Tips to Save You Heartache – Josh Hatcher | Manlihood ManCast

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In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher tells us 5 relationships tips to save you a world of heartache.



Quick relationship tips that will save you a world of heartache.

1. She is not your whole world.

I know we like to say that because it sounds poetic, and it kind of feels like it. But don’t let her be your whole world. Make sure you have some good friends, and that you MAINTAIN those friendships (particularly with other men who build you up). Make sure you have some things that you can do without her. If you wrap your whole identity around her, you’re going to be in trouble if you encounter any problems.

2. You will have problems.

You’re either committed to work through them, or you are not. Make up your mind on the matter now.

3. Each of you is sovereign

Even though there is certainly an element of “submission” to each other involved in marriage – she submits to you – you lay down your life for her (just read ephesians) — it’s especially important to understand that each of you is sovereign. She has a right to her feelings and frustrations, as much as you do. You can’t get butthurt if she sees things from a different perspective, or if she prefers miracle whip to mayo. (I know – that’s probably a dealbreaker) Recognizing and acknowledging her sovereignty, as well as your own will allow you both to understand your value.

4. She doesn’t owe you anything.

You bought her dinner? She doesn’t have to sleep with you. You went to work for 16 hours? She doesn’t OWE you clean dishes. YES. It’s helpful for you to have arrangements and clear expectations of each other. But don’t think for a minute that love is transactional. You can’t purchase or earn affection. No one is indebted to give love to the other. Love is given as a free gift, or it’s not love at all.

5. You teach people how you want them to treat you.

If you tolerate disrespect, and if you give disrespect, you’ll get disrespect. You must set clear expectations of the behavior and communication you want to receive from them, and patiently correct them when they deliver something different.

Complaining, insults, intentionally hurtful words create a spiraling effect. One of you offers them up, the other retaliates.

Don’t expect her to show respect if you don’t. And if she doesn’t – rather than retaliate- calmly correct it and get to the root of why she’s feeling that way. Do it humbly. You very well might be the root of it. You don’t have to tolerate verbally abusive and hurtful language. But if there are patterns established, it will take patience to change those patterns.

Want to weigh in? Comment here, or log in to our private facebook group – The Manlihood Mancave to discuss this with other men!


Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info!

Don’t forget to check out our partners:

Hatcher Media – Creative Marketing Solutions | Graphic Design | Video Production | Web Design | Content and Social Marketing

Honky EDC – Everyday Carry Essentials. Handkerchiefs, Beard Oils, and More.



Pet Sematary - Rise X Up - Josh Hatcher

Pet Sematary (Sometimes, Dead is Better) – Josh Hatcher

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“The soil of a man’s heart is stonier; a man grows what he can and tends it.”

Jud Crandall – Stephen King’s Pet Sematary

Growing up like most kids in the 80s and 90s,  I had an obsession with Stephen King. He would write these great stories. A group of average kids, or a family living a normal life in a small town would have an encounter with darkness or have to do battle with evil.


Those ragtag groups of kids, those small New England towns remind me very much of of adolescence in Roulette, PA, and the adventures and stories we saw.

Growing up in a small town like mine you knew about the dark secrets.
The guy who murdered his mom and dad with an axe.
The guy who hung himself in our barn.
The prominent men in town who had been rumored to have gang-raped a teenage girl sixty years ago. (she later killed herself.They are all dead now)

Once, a “snowbird” was at his summer cabin, and a man named “Snake” had killed him with an axe in his garage. Before they had a suspect, just a week after the murder, my buddies and I camped in the woods behind the cabin. You could see it through the trees.


I recently watched the original Pet Sematary movie. (I haven’t seen the new one yet.)

via GIPHY

A character named Jud Crandall (played by Fred Gwynne, aka Herman Munster) utters in a Maine accent, “Sometimes dead is better.”

I won’t spoil the whole thing if you’ve never watched it – but that line is haunting.

via GIPHY

Over your course of #RiseXUp We’ve been encouraging you to RISE UP and COME ALIVE to take back your life, and to start over.


But you know full well that there are some things that should stay dead. Things that men should not do. Things that you should not embrace. Things you should never go back to.


It’s a BAD IDEA to put that cat in the Micmac cemetery because it’s going to come back. And it’s going to be a mess.

Sometimes dead is better.


It’s not a good idea for you to send your ex girlfriend a text message or a snap asking her how she’s doing, while your wife is sleeping in bed next to you.

Sometimes dead is better.

It’s not a good idea to go hang out at the bar when you’re striving for sober. Chances are that alcohol is going to have a siren’s call, and you’re gonna hear it loud and clear.

Sometimes dead is better.


It’s not a good idea to dig up the past and hold it against someone you love – because resentment not only kills a relationship, it eats you from the inside out.

Sometimes dead is better.


If you’ve got trauma that you’ve worked hard to overcome, but you keep reopening the wounds as you turn once again to your old coping mechanisms that you’ve used for years, drugs, food, porn, rage… you’ve got to be vigilant because…

Sometimes dead is better.


If you come from an abusive past where your parents didn’t show you the kind of love a kid should be shown, you’ve got to cut ties with that, so that your kids never know it. You’ve got to make a solemn vow, and break the curses, so that they never have to endure what you did.

Sometimes dead is better.


And even when you make that vow, but you find yourself repeating the mistakes of your fathers and grandfathers, you’ve got to break the chains again, and stop the cycle, because…

Sometimes dead is better.

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MMC 61 – Deal with your crap | Josh Hatcher | Manlihood ManCast

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In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher says you have to deal with your crap, and tells you how he dealt with his.


Deal with your crap. A while back,  I had to deal with a sewer problem. Digging out a trench to move the crap so I could get to the pipe. I was covered in crap. I took a shower and got out and while drying off, I still smelled crap. It was gross. And I had to hop back in the shower again.

I went to a funeral for an old friend. He had a lot of pain. A lot of crap.He choose to numb that pain by drinking and drugging until his liver quit. Through his addiction, he pushed his family away and hurt them.

I saw their grief as they choose to forgive him and to say goodbye.

He didn’t deal with his crap.

So… I don’t what kind of crap you guys are dealing with in your life… But make sure you deal with it!

No one likes to deal with crap.

But if you don’t deal with it, it can make you sick and kill you.

Deal with your crap.

 


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Want to weigh in? Comment here, or log in to our private facebook group – The Manlihood Mancave to discuss this with other men!


Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info!

Don’t forget to check out our other projects:

Hatcher Media – Creative Marketing Solutions | Graphic Design | Video Production | Web Design | Content and Social Marketing

 

Honky EDC – Everyday Carry Essentials. Handkerchiefs, Beard Oils, and More.

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MMC 42: Lion or a Lamb – Part 1 – Finding Balance

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Episode 42: Lion or a Lamb – Part 1 – Finding Balance

 


We’ve long said that March comes in and goes out inversely like a Lion or a Lamb. The thought of being one or the other may be a bit frightening for men. Especially in a culture that no longer appreciates the fierce and bold virtues that once marked manhood.

 

Lambs are weak. Lions are strong.

Most of the time, I think we should err on the side of the lion. I think that we should strive to be brave, and fierce. We should strive to lead the pride, rather than to frolic in the fields, and cower at the thought of wolves.

With that said, I think that even the fiercest and strongest war-like man has to know that there’s a part of him that has to fall in line. A part of him that must be subdued and soft.

When I was a child, my dad and I loved to wrestle. His strength was and still is baffling. I’ve watched him lift things no man should lift. I’ve felt the strength in his grip. As we would wrestle, he’d show me that strength, but it was always measured and held back. I always knew that this man had the power to crush my little skull with his bare hands, and the fact that he didn’t showed me more about his strength than anything. He was wild like a lion, but he was tempered.

 

“For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion . . . and a man no longer believes he is a man.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul

I don’t want to see men tamed. I think it’s a dangerous thing to take a lion and to train him to be a house-cat.  When I talk about finding balance, I don’t mean that men should be tamed. I think they should be TEMPERED.  Men, finding balance does not mean that you are abandoning your lionhood in order to be a lamb.

http://www.manlihood.com/lion-or-lamb-finding-balance-part-1/


If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.


This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!

Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

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MMC 37: What BOYS Do – Part 1: Whine

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Episode 37: What BOYS Do – Part 1: Whine
Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.

The first one of those behaviors? Whining

Obviously – men do this. It is a behavior that didn’t just “die” with the onset of manhood – but it should.

I don’t think that identifying something that is wrong and needs to be repaired is the same thing as whining. It’s okay to identify a need, talk about solutions, and then implement solutions.

Now that we’ve established that- let’s talk about whining.

Boys who don’t get their way complain about it.

Men learn to deal with it, and find solutions to problems.

Life isn’t fair. It’s true, and you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.

Harvey Mackay

Firmness in enduring and exertion is a character I always wish to possess. I have always despised the whining yelp of complaint and cowardly resolve.

Robert Burns

The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.

Francis Jeffrey

If you want to behave like a man – you won’t whine. Complaining changes nothing but other’s attitudes about you.

This was originally published in May of 2015 – read the full series of blog posts here:
http://www.manlihood.com/tag/what-boys-do/

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.
This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!

Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

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MMC 35: Valentine’s Day Massacre: How Not to Screw Up Your Romance Part 4

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Episode 35: Valentine’s Day Massacre: How Not to Screw Up Your Romance Part 4

Romance can make a grown man into a blubbering idiot when it goes well, and a sad sack of potatoes when it goes bad. What can you do to avoid screwing up your romance?

Generally speaking, there are certain needs that women have – and they are different from the needs that men have.

Women typically want to be heard and understood. So when she is telling you something – listen. And try to understand. Don’t assume that her emotion is directed at you, or even if is – that it means she doesn’t love you. Just listen, and do your best to understand what she is saying.
Women also need security. They need to know you aren’t going to leave them for a younger model, that you are going to work hard to provide, that you won’t let a rapist break into the house at night. Find ways to communicate that you will provide security.

Every woman is different and unique, and she has different and unique needs. Part of making a romance work is studying each other. So learn about her, how she receives love, and then give her that love.

Want to know more? Get the book “The 5 Love Languages” – it’s a great way for both of your to learn how to communicate with each other and build your romance.

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.
This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!
Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

Episode 35: Valentine’s Day Massacre: How Not to Screw Up Your Romance Part 4

Romance can make a grown man into a blubbering idiot when it goes well, and a sad sack of potatoes when it goes bad. What can you do to avoid screwing up your romance?

Generally speaking, there are certain needs that women have – and they are different from the needs that men have.

Women typically want to be heard and understood. So when she is telling you something – listen. And try to understand. Don’t assume that her emotion is directed at you, or even if is – that it means she doesn’t love you. Just listen, and do your best to understand what she is saying.
Women also need security. They need to know you aren’t going to leave them for a younger model, that you are going to work hard to provide, that you won’t let a rapist break into the house at night. Find ways to communicate that you will provide security.

Every woman is different and unique, and she has different and unique needs. Part of making a romance work is studying each other. So learn about her, how she receives love, and then give her that love.

Want to know more? Get the book “The 5 Love Languages” – it’s a great way for both of your to learn how to communicate with each other and build your romance.

___________

If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.
This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!
Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

Manlihood - Marriage

MMC 32 – Valentine’s Day Massacre: How Not to Screw Up Your Romance Part 1

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Episode 32: Valentine’s Day Massacre: How Not to Screw Up Your Romance Part 1

As we embrace the Holiday of St. Valentine’s Day, we are surrounded with pink hearts and cupid’s arrows, and chocolate – but the truth is – romance isn’t always so sweet and frilly. Real love takes hard work, and we’ve seen many times when the romance around us looks more like the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre than it does a Hallmark Movie.

Don’t screw it up! There are so many pitfalls that can murder your love story. Let’s start with the biggest one. DON’T CHEAT.

You would think that would be simple right? Then why do 22% of men, and 14 percent of women cheat on their significant other? Why do ⅓ of all marriages have an incident of infidelity?

Cheating starts long before the act. They start in your mind, when you start to think of someone else, and when you start to justify infidelity.

Want to prevent it? Start with correcting those errant thoughts when they pop in your head. Start by putting safeguards in place that prevent you from being in a position where anything COULD happen.
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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.
This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!
Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

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MMC 25: Watch your mouth! – Manlihood ManCast

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https://soundcloud.com/user-625797602/episode-25-watch-your-mouth-z-1618-448-pm

 


Episode 25: Watch your mouth!

 

Men, The words you speak have power – and they affect what happens in your life!

Passive people don’t bother controlling their mouths. They let their mouths control THEM. These are the kinds of words that come out of the mouth of passive men.

  1. Gossip- Talking about someone else’s business – whether it is true or not is gossip. Bottom line is – if it’s not your business – then you should not be talking about it!

  2. Anger- There is a time and a place for anger. It’s a valid emotion, and there are proper ways to express it. But more often than not – we should just shut up, rather than snap at people we love.
  3. Criticism- We hate it when people tell us how to do our job – but we’re often full of criticism toward others. We ride our kids about their grades, their appearance, their chores. We gripe about our wives, we complain about our jobs and or bosses, and our employees. Their work and effort is never enough.  When you die – your family will remember the words you have spoken. Do you want them to remember all the times you told them how to stack the plates? Or do you want them to remember how good you made them feel when they did something right?

The truth is we need to replace these words with the kind of words that make a positive difference! Let’s offer words that resolve conflicts, that encourage people, and build them up. Make it a point to think before you speak!

This post was originally published in February of 2015. Read the full post here:
http://www.manlihood.com/the-perils-of-passivity-watch-your-mouth/

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.


This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!

Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

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MMC 24: What you think – you ARE – Manlihood ManCast

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https://soundcloud.com/user-625797602/episode-24-what-you-think-you-are-s-1618-442-pm

Episode 24:

What you think – you ARE


Your mind is a powerful thing. I’m not talking about Uri Gellar spoon bending stuff. I’m talking about the fact that what you think about affects your actions and your behaviors. What we need is mind-control – more accurately – self-control.

If you think about something, you’ll be drawn to it. That hot girl at work? Fantasize about her, and you’ll be drawn to her. That cigarette? That donut? Yeah.

Thoughts pop into our head, and then we chose to reject them, or entertain them.

“Sit down and stay awhile! Have a cup of coffee!”

I guess what we need to do is treat some of our thoughts like door to door salesmen. If someone comes to your door and asks if he can come inside and throw some dirt on your floor to demonstrate his vaccuum cleaner – you would probably tell him “No thanks! See you later!”

And yet – if a friend stopped by with a meatloaf and wanted to visit – we’d say “Come on in!”

We need to stop being PASSIVE about what thoughts can take residence in our head.

Here’s a good checklist.

  • Is it true?
  • Is it honorable?
  • Is it just?
  • Is it pure?
  • Is it caring?
  • Is it commendable?
  • Is it good?
  • Is it worth sharing?

A PASSIVE mind let’s itself be raped and abused by thoughts that don’t belong there.

Do your thoughts say harsh and cruel things about yourself? Do they say harsh and cruel things about others? Are they full of anger and spite? Are they full of illicit sex? Are they selfish?

If so – chances are good that whatever you LET in your head will eventually come OUT in your life.

Don’t let those kinds of thoughts settle in. Kick them out. Replace them with GOOD thoughts.


This post was originally published in February of 2015. Read the full post here: http://www.manlihood.com/the-perils-of-passivity-what-you-think-you-are/

 

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.


This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
Be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes, Youtube, or wherever you are listening to the show!

Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

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Episode 23: Be Aggressive/Assertive/Positive – Manlihood ManCast

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https://soundcloud.com/user-625797602/episode-23-be-aggressiveassertivepositive-1618-436-pm
Episode 23: Be Aggressive/Assertive/Positive

 

Passive men will let life happen to them. They will say, “Whatever!” when faced with a decision – they will let their wives and kids make and break the rules of their home. They’ll let their boss walk all over them. They’ll let their business, health, and relationship fall apart instead of dealing with them.

My advice is to be AGGRESSIVE – ASSERTIVE – POSITIVE


Be Aggressive 

Take charge of YOUR life – and lead yourself. Hunt out the holes in your integrity, and patch them up. Set goals and crush them. Determine your path – and run it like a stinking clydesdale.

Aggression has a negative connotation – so we want to clarify – unless you are physically protecting yourself or your family from harm – aggressiveness should not be directed toward people.

 

Be Assertive 

Communicate expectations clearly, and consistently. People cannot treat you the way you want them to treat you unless you tell them HOW to treat you. Don’t be afraid to be “the bad guy”

Be Positive 

Eyeore will NEVER be on top – why? because he’s a sad-sack-hack full of sawdust and complaints.

You’ve got to use positive words. Because they are like magic.

Instead of dragging yourself and everyone around you down with negative words (I can’t /You always… / I hate…  / I’ll never…  ) then start filling it with positivity!


This post was originally published in February of 2015. Read the full post here: http://www.manlihood.com/the-perils-of-passivity-be-aggressiveassertivepositive/

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