You’re Already Leading Someone. Start With Yourself.

Before I met my wife, I had a very different plan for my life.

I had been reading Kerouac and other writers who made wandering sound like a calling. I was going to work for a summer, save some money, buy a good pair of boots, and walk the railroad tracks across the country. I’d play guitar on street corners and write poetry.

Then I met a girl.

She became my wife. We built a family. Suddenly, buying boots and disappearing down the tracks wasn’t the future I wanted anymore.

I had people I wanted to build a life with. People I wanted to provide for.

For years, I kept pictures of my wife and kids at my desk. When work got frustrating, I could look over and see their faces. Those pictures reminded me why I was there.

Every man needs to understand what drives him. Especially if he wants to lead.

You Don’t Need a Promotion to Begin

We talk about people being “born leaders.” Some people do seem naturally comfortable taking charge. They speak confidently. People pay attention when they walk into a room.

But leadership is a skill you can develop.

You can practice it while you’re the newest person at work. You can practice it at home, in your church, or among your friends. Someone is learning from the way you handle pressure, keep your word, or treat a person who cannot do anything for you.

Think about the coworker who helps a new employee without making him feel stupid. The dad who apologizes when he loses his temper. The volunteer who stays to clean up after everybody else leaves.

Those people influence what others believe is possible and expected.

You already have opportunities to do the same. Start with the choices that belong to you.

Know Why You’re Doing This

Why do you get up and go to work?

Paying the bills is a perfectly legitimate answer. But keep going. What are those bills supporting? Who are you providing for? What are you hoping to build?

Maybe you want your children to grow up with more stability than you had. Maybe you want to serve your community. Maybe you’re building something you believe will help people.

Write it down. Be specific enough that it means something on a miserable Tuesday.

Then examine whether your habits support that purpose.

If you say you work for your family, do they get any of your attention when you come home? If you say you want to serve people, how do you treat them when they interrupt you?

Those questions can sting. Let them help you make an adjustment.

Your Principles Show Up in Your Decisions

Everybody lives by principles. Some men have thought them through. Others have simply repeated the same choices until those choices became their rules.

“I’ll do whatever gets me ahead” is a principle.

“So long as I get paid, I don’t care” is a principle.

So is, “I will tell the truth, even when it makes me look bad.”

Your principles guide what you do when two things you want come into conflict. Decide what matters before you’re under pressure to compromise it.

I also think we need enough humility to examine the rules we’ve made for ourselves.

When I was younger, I refused overtime because I believed that time belonged to my family. Looking back, I can see situations where some overtime could have helped us pay down debt and gain stability.

The value was sound. My absolute rule deserved another look.

Sometimes maturity means finding a wiser way to honor the same value. Other times, it means holding your ground when somebody wants you to do something dishonest.

Learn the difference. A preference may be flexible. Your integrity deserves protection.

Work on the Behavior Other People Have to Live With

Your frustration may be understandable. Your family and coworkers still have to live with how you express it.

Your workload may be overwhelming. People still need an honest answer about what you can deliver.

You may have good intentions. A promise still needs follow-through.

Leading yourself means paying attention to these gaps and getting help where you need it. Choose a habit to work on. Create a practical way to practice it. Invite someone you trust to tell you when you’re slipping.

Maybe you need to pause before answering when you’re angry. Maybe you need to stop saying yes before checking your schedule. Maybe you need to put your phone away during dinner.

Ask a trusted friend, “What is one thing I do that makes life harder for the people around me?”

Then listen. He is giving you something valuable if he answers honestly.

Correct Your Course

You will make mistakes. Leadership requires learning how to respond to them.

If you miss a deadline, communicate it and help solve the problem. If you hurt someone, acknowledge what you did without making him responsible for your reaction. If a plan isn’t working, examine it and change what needs to change.

A man who can correct himself gives others permission to learn. A man who must always defend himself makes every mistake more expensive.

Choose one area to address this week. Tell someone what you’re working on. Give yourself a clear action to take, then follow through.

Somebody is already learning from your example.

Give him something worth learning.