Alonzo talks with Manlihood about the traditional values he believes in, and how it matters that men work to live by and preserve those values.
“When we promote leaders, we typically promote based on skills other than leadership and this creates dysfunctional organizations. Leadership is a skill that can be learned and my simple and effective method can improve your team quickly.” – Alonzo Pettigrew
Today’s guest is an LA County firefighter who previously served as an Army Ranger, with multiple deployments into Iraq and Afghanistan.
You can imagine that he’s “seen some stuff.”
But Nole Lilly’s personal traumas were even deeper, and he found himself in a dark place…
Nole currently lives in the mountains of Southern California, with his wife Heather and their 3 children. Nole and Heather have been married for 18 years. He has worked as a fireman with L.A. County Fire for the past 12 years. Prior to that, he served as a United States Army Ranger, deploying multiple times into Iraq and Afghanistan. Nole and Heather have experienced the death of two of their sons and their journey through that loss has shaped much of the people they have become today. Nole has also dealt with post-traumatic stress related to the loss of his sons and his time serving as a Ranger. As a fireman, Nole has continued to live and work in a world where exposure to trauma can be a very regular occurrence. From this experience, Nole felt called to start a podcast where he could share his experiences with others who are working through difficult times in life and also share the struggles and triumphs of other men that he admires.
Josh Hatcher of Manlihood appeared on one of the introductory episodes of The Significant Man Podcast with Warren Peterson this week. Josh talks about the importance and the value of masculinity in today’s culture, talks about properly processing emotions and becoming more emotionally resillient. He tells some of his story, how faith and becoming a man helped him overcome bullying and many other issues in life.
Warren Peterson is the Founder of the Significant Man movement, and the author of several books for men. He discusses masculinity within the context of faith, and holds an annual Men’s retreat in the Colorado Rockies.
Listen to this episode, and subscribe the Significant Man RECHARGE podcast!
In November 2020, Josh Hatcher spoke at Open Arms Church in Bradford, PA as a part of their “By Design” series. He spoke about God’s Design for men. Below are Josh’s sermon notes.
Manliness isn’t defined by outside appearance.
Manhood isn’t just one thing. God made men with different strengths and different traits. Don’t just write yourself off as “Not Manly” because you’re different than someone else.
Women – don’t tune me out. A lot of the things I’m saying today apply to both men and women. A lot of the things I’m saying specifically ABOUT men will help you understand how to relate to men better.
But for the most part – I’m speaking to the MEN today.
God made men. And he said it was good. We learned last week that what was not good was that he was alone.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2: 18
In the King James, it says “a help meet for him.” That means “equal to him.”
Men and women both have value. Equal Value. We were made distinctly and for a purpose. God’s purpose.
But, generally speaking, Men are VERY different than women. There are things in our DNA that are hard-coded, because God made men the way we are on purpose.
Ryan Michler says: Men are created to Protect, Provide, and Preside.
We are made in God’s image right? God is a protector! He commands us to protect the widow, the orphan, the refugee…
… When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.
Luke 12:48 NIV
This is not a series about marriage – but many of the bible’s instructions for men are within the context of a marriage relationship. I’m not saying we should treat all women like we treat our wives… certainly not. But I think God’s instructions for how we are to treat our wives gives us a glimpse into what it means to be a man.
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Peter 3: 7 NIV
Some translations say “weaker vessel” – Do not mistake “weaker” for “lesser.”
Because a man is generally stronger than a woman – he should view her not as delicate – but as precious.
A woman is a Ming Vase. A Ming Vase isn’t weak – it’s survived for thousands of years. But it is precious. We treat it with the honor and respect that it is due.
We see all through scripture commands regarding how we should treat women and children, and those who are “weaker.”
The root word “weaker” here is also used in Corinthians to describe the fact that God will use the “weaker” things to confound the wise. (weaker does not mean lesser)
“A man of honor values things rightly.” – Chuck Holton, Making Men
Our job as men is to give things the right amount of honor. Cussing out your kid because he interrupted your kill shot in Call of Duty – is that placing the proper value on the right thing? Watching porn – now that you KNOW that the women in porn are often exploited and forced into that industry.. Is that placing the value on the right thing? Turning a blind eye to injustice…. Is that valuing things rightly? WE ARE MADE TO PROTECT.
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
Don’t you remember the rule we had when we lived with you? “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” And now we’re getting reports that a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings are taking advantage of you. This must not be tolerated. We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don’t slack off in doing your duty.
2 Thessalonians 3:10
Butthurt Disclaimers for you — Just because your wife makes more than you does not mean you are less of a man. — If you are disabled and can’t work to provide for yourself I’m not condemning you or judging your situation – what CAN you do to contribute to your family and community?
Your job is to make sure that God’s provision gets to your family.
Your job is to not be a mooch, and to earn your keep.
I’m not shaming needy people. I understand what it’s like to need help. But I am saying – your goal should be able to provide for your own needs and the needs of your family.
It must suck to have to pay child support. It must really suck to be a kid whose dad resents taking care of him.
Men are called to walk in AUTHORITY and LEADERSHIP, in their homes, jobs, communities, churches.
Let’s talk about what this is not:
…Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.
This is NOT a command for men’s authority. This is the curse. (Story about a little kid getting caught with chewing tobacco. Dad says, if you’re gonna chew it – you better chew all of it. Kid gets sick and pukes. Is the PUKE what God wants?)
Don’t confuse the curse for a special privilege for us men. It is not: “Eve screwed up, now I’m the Boss.”
This is about the consequences of sin. There will be tension and contention between men and women because of sin. That’s not the blessing. That’s the curse.
While we’re here – let’s talk about Adam’s ROLE in the fall. Where was he? Why did he let her eat of the fruit? Why did he LISTEN to her when she said to eat it?
Adam ABDICATED his responsibility. If he had done his job, Eve might not have sinned. When she did – he BLAMED her. He BLAMED God.
This is not what leadership is. In fact –
Leadership is RESPONSIBILITY.
If someone in your family screws up, you’re responsible to make it right.
Leadership is about SERVICE.
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28 NIV
Leadership is NOT Lordship.
Nor is it exclusive to men. You don’t have to be “the boss” to be a leader. And in your homes – while I do believe there is a biblical order in which the father and husband has authority – this does not mean that women are not leaders! –
If we look at the Bible’s picture of the ideal woman in Proverbs 31 – it’s very clear that a woman has leadership too. We lead together.
But as a man – I bear more responsibility.
Be strong, and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight.”
2 Samuel 10:12 NIV
The King James Version says: “Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people”
Spiritual Sunday is our chance here at Manlihood to delve into spiritual things. While Manlihood isn’t JUST for Christians, many of us are Christians, and we find value in the truths Andy teachings. We hope you can find value in it too .
This week, Jim Lenaway shares the story of how he walked into a little church with a hangover, and walked out as a different man.
Spiritual Sunday is our chance here at Manlihood to delve into spiritual things. While Manlihood.com isn’t JUST for Christians, many of us are Christians, and we find value in the truths and teachings. We hope you can find value in it too .
In this episode, Brian Bailey talks about growing up loving Christmas lights, and how those lights are a symbol of something more.
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
Josh McDonald in Appleton Wisconsin of the Geocaching Scripture Podcast talks about “The Hall of Faith” in Hebrews 11, threatens to punch us in the face of we call it that, and talks about the goal of being forgotten.
One mile off the shores of San Francisco, is “The Rock” – Alcatraz Island. Shark infested waters surround the sea-pounded rocky coast of this tiny island, making it an ideal place to keep criminals isolated from the rest of the world.
To attempt an escape would certainly mean death. Armed guards, dangerous waters, not to mention the difficulty of trying to blend into society when your face is on wanted posters in every post office in the country.
But in 1962, three men disappeared from the island. They found a way of escape. They made sleeping dummies of themselves of plaster and paint to fool the guards, they made a raft out of rain coats, and disappeared into the night. The case has been open with the U.S. Marshalls for many years, with very few leads.
These men were criminals, and they found a way to escape their fate.
Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence. No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
Sin can imprison us.
We can get caught in cycles and habits that are destructive, and can hurt our relationship with God.
For a long time, I struggled with porn and masturbation. I know that may sound ridiculous to many of you that I would consider it a sin, and maybe that’s a deeper discusion for another time. The principle, though, remains the same.
I had an addictive, habitual activity that was harming my relationship with my spouse, was harming my relationship with God. We can all identify with that – whether the sin is a bad attitude, or uncontrolled anger, substance abuse, or sexual sin, we have all been caught in our own Alcatraz at some point.
Even for many years, when I was “clean” and not acting out on those impulses, the temptation was still there. It was constant – like a bombardment of pressure to let my thoughts be unrestrained, and my actions be unrestrained.
It’s important to know and understand that being tempted is not sin.
To have a desire to do the wrong thing pop into your head is not a sin. To have an immediate rush of hormones dump into your system when you see a pretty girl is not sin. To feel your blood pressure rise and your fists clench when someone says something hurtful to you is not sin.
Sin is when you let that thought have unchained and unfettered access. Sin is when you allow that lust or that rage to feel at home in your brain.
When we do that, we are cultivating a garden where sin grows – like the mushrooms that grow in my shady compost pile.
Temptation comes for us all in different ways, and often many times a day.
But God’s promise – is that with every temptation, there is a way of escape. There is a way out.
You don’t have to do the thing just because you have been tempted.
That way of escape is going to look different for each of us, and for each temptation.
For my battle with porn and lust, I had to discipline myself to think differently. The way of escape looked like me changing what kind of media I consumed. There were TV shows and movies and commercials I had to stop watching. They may not have been porn, or even that immodest, but if I found myself thinking about the women in the shows a certain way, or constant hearing about or seeing sex or women in bikinis, it was feeding a monster in my brain. That way of escape involved, just like the prisoners on Alcatraz, a lot of preparation. I couldn’t just expect to beat the temptation in the moment, I had to prepare for it in advance, by starving my mind of stimuli. There were many other changes and escape routes that I had to put into place in my life, but those certainly helped.
I have a friend who struggled with losing his temper. His way of escape is often just excusing himself from conversations and going outside for fresh air. It’s almost comical sometimes to see him walk away from a situation. It can be frustrating if you are trying to talk to him, and he has to leave to cool off. But it keeps him from saying things he shouldn’t. That battle may be easier for him in the future. As he builds the discipline of disassociating from his own anger, he’ll have the strength to build his own self-control. We all make wrong decisions, choose less than best, and get caught in bad habits. I’m not judging anyone for that.
Many of us settle into it. We accept it, and try to justify it.
But what if we tried to rise above it? What if we tried to escape it?
What would our life look like if we put in the effort and the energy and the initiative to actually take that way of ESCAPE that God promises us?
Manlihood.com provides personal development for men. Our goal is to help enrich men’s lives and to help them become better men. We believe spirituality is an essential part of that component. We understand that not everyone subscribes to a judeo-christian belief system, but we know that a large part of our audience is encouraged to be better men through the paradigm that we share. Our hope is that all men can see and learn to experience fulfillment through faith in Christ, but we also know that not everyone will. Our secondary hope is that by sharing these Spiritual Sunday posts, that even those who may not agree, would be able to at the very least, understand our mindset, and possibly even find something helpful and applicable to their lives. We’re not banging on our Bible or cramming Jesus down anyone’s throat. We are simply processing these experiences through the lens of faith, and inviting all to look with us.