The one and ultimate motivation for everything I do in my life, every hardship I encounter, every boulder that needs to be pushed up a cliff, is the endless, unrelenting need to prove my own abilities to myself.
Mindset alone isn’t enough to motivate men.
Motivation is a muddy and unreliable thing. It can push you out of a state of mental and physical inertia, but it can also serve as an addiction to self-improvement messages that keeps you from actually doing the self-improvement that needs to be done. Many people find motivation is places where there is little true value to be found.
Instagram posts about “grinding” and “hustling” can get you pumped at that moment, maybe even push you to get something done in your life. But that motivation is short-lived and ultimately meaningless. Because it does not draw from your life and your life experiences.
Other people find motivation in achieving a certain goal.
They see a mountaintop they wish to reach, and then work on their discipline and mental and physical abilities. They keep pushing until they reach it. This is a standard type of motivation for men. We evolved to be seekers, always looking for a new challenge to overcome, a barrier to destroy, a dragon to kill and a princess to save. Yet, this kind of motivation, while being natural and productive, is also very short-lived.
Even when there is an infinite amount of mountaintops, not all of them will be as beautiful and desirable to a man. While a man might give all of himself to reach one of those mountaintops, he might make it– the other mountaintop might not be as motivating to reach. Thus, this kind of motivation inconsistent and lacking in many ways.
There is yet, a third kind of motivation for a man.
Some of us are motivated by proving other people wrong.
A sentiment and mindset well-encompassed in the phrase: “Let them mock, let them laugh, let them doubt and disbelieve and let them watch as you prove them wrong.” This is a strong message and a strong and masculine mindset to adopt. Many men have accomplished great things with this mindset motivating them to give all of themselves to the fight.
The thing I dislike about this mindset as a source for motivation is that, even though this is an internal source of motivation, it is still focused on the opinions and perceptions of other people.
I am a firm believer that, to a good man, opinions of people who are not his family or his tribe, should not matter at all. This is a mindset mostly adopted by people who were bullied or harassed in their younger years, having faced oppression from people who had physical or metaphorical power over them. This is why this mindset brings such a powerful motivating force to a man’s work, because it stems from his experiences and overcoming not a challenge in front of him but a challenge inside of him.
Prove it to yourself
The motivation that I personally use is similar to the previous one I’ve discussed. The motivational mindset of “Proving it to yourself.” This is also rooted in a man’s personal experience of life. But, instead of a focus on the beliefs and opinions of other people, it’s focused on striving to achieve a state of confidence and certainty in one’s own masculine ability to accomplish what one said he will accomplish.
Doing what you say you will do is a strong form of masculine integrity. To have a mindset of proving to yourself that you indeed have that integrity and that ability to do the things that need to be done well and without procrastination will lead to the development of your sense of duty to your own life and confidence and self-esteem in your interactions with other.
There’s a strange connection between men and their cars – and this connection is too strong to ignore! But what’s the reason for this occurrence and how did it become so relevant? Back in the day, people considered cars to be a symbol of their status in society and an extension of their personal image. Today, cars are much more than that, and it’s no surprise that lots of men look at them as another member of their family. So, why do men love their cars so much, and what’s behind this obsession?
Feeling like a real man
This might sound like the most general statement in the world, but most guys don’t feel like they’re manly enough unless they’re driving an awesome new car. This has, of course, nothing to do with the way they actually look like, but more with their own impression of themselves, but still. Lots of them feel that women will perceive them as more manly if they’re driving a cool car, which is why they spend tons of money on models that are supposed to attract women. Owning a car makes them feel like a real man, and that’s something you can’t put a price on!
Feeling like they’ve made it in life
No matter what you think about it, being able to afford a car is a sign of success. The price of your car, the model, the type, the size, and everything else is less significant – if you’re able to buy a car, you’re doing something good in your life. This is another reason why men love possessing a new car or at least an expensive one, and they feel like their vehicle is speaking in their stead. It’s telling the world how successful these men are and how much they’ve accomplished in their lives, and that’s why some men don’t mind spending every dollar they have on a brand new vehicle.
Feeling like you can do anything
This is something we all know, regardless of our age and sex – owning a great car makes you feel amazing! The sense of price is something you can’t deny, but the feeling of accomplishment is also important. Owning a car shows that you’re able to do whatever you want to do and invest your money into something that makes sense in the long run. Lots of car owners consider their vehicles to be an investment, so finding a way to quickly sell your car might be a great idea on more levels than one. This will help you secure your financial situation in the future and you’ll get a great price, so you’ll feel amazing and be proud of your abilities to handle your finances!
Feeling like a kid again
Most men spent their childhood playing with toy cars and imagining what it will look like when they grow up and start driving real cars. Well, once that happens, the chances are they’ll still feel like children. It’s all about being able to express your emotions and be free to act in a certain way. Some of them customize their vehicles on their own and express their creativity that way. Others love putting the pedal to the metal and driving as fast as possible. If you act this way as well – don’t worry! It’s all normal and millions of men around the world are doing the same things you are. You’ll love feeling like a child again, and your car is the only possession that can make you feel that way even though you’re a completely grown-up person.
Whether you’re feeling proud that you’re owning a car or think of it as an investment, you can’t deny the fact that you love your vehicle. That’s why you invest so much time spicing it up and making it look unique, so don’t be afraid to continue doing that in the future as well – your car will simply love all the attention you’re giving it!
Whether you’re a morning person or not, you can’t deny the fact that morning is one of the best times of the day! And if you’re feeling fresh, well-rested, and ready to welcome the day ahead of you, even better. But, in order to feel that way, you need to sleep at least seven hours every single night and have a great routine that will help you make the most of your morning. If you’re looking for such a routine yourself, here are a few tips that might help you maximize your morning hours.
Wake up on time
Even though sleeping in and waking up at noon sounds like the best idea in the world, this is actually not the ideal scenario. Different people have different needs when it comes to sleep – it all depends on their age, among other things – and not all of us prefer spending ten hours a night in bed. That’s why finding the right time to wake up is the first step in your perfect morning routine.
Some men love waking up at 6 AM, while others prefer getting out of bed three hours later. Whichever alternative you opt for, though, you need to stick to your wake up time instead of introducing too many changes too often.
Don’t check your phone
This is a common mistake people all over the world are making these days. Just a couple of decades ago, we didn’t have the technology we have today, which is why people didn’t have a smartphone next to their bed. However, today’s generations are addicted to their phones, which is why so many men check their phone immediately after waking up.
Still, just because so many guys out there are acting this way doesn’t mean you have to do that as well. On the contrary, you should remember that checking your phone is one of the worst things you can do in the morning, and this is definitely something that shouldn’t be a part of your morning routine. Instead, you should try stretching, doing yoga, or even going to the bathroom.
Take care of your body
Speaking of going to the bathroom, this is a crucial part of your morning routine. This is the perfect moment to take a shower and take care of your body – from your hair to your skin, every inch of your body deserves constant care if you want to look amazing every day of the week.
Therefore, start looking for the right products that could help you do that as soon as possible. From a great aftershave to a reliable organic dandruff shampoo that will make your hair look better than ever – these simple things are everywhere around us, and using them every single morning is simply a must if you want to look and feel wonderful.
Hit the gym
It doesn’t matter if you want to lose some weight or just wish to get some muscles, joining a gym and going there regularly is one of the best ways to do so. This is also an amazing way to start your morning and make sure you’re in for a productive day.
Working out in the morning comes with a number of benefits, including boosting your activity level, burning more fat, and lowering your blood pressure, so include this activity into your morning routine as well. Of course, you can also opt for other forms of physical activity – cycling, jogging, hiking, or yoga, for instance – in case you’re not a fan of gyms, and the results are pretty much the same.
Once you’ve completed all these things, you’re ready to have an amazing breakfast and finally start your day. Trust us, after such a morning routine, you’ll feel energized and ready to conquer the world!
It’s almost uncommon when a man decides he wants to be a better husband. I called you today has almost eliminated any kind of self-improvement when it comes to relationships. It gets hard, so people just give up.
But we’re going to look at that question.
How can I be a better husband
Become a better listener
Men, we tend to listen just enough to hear the problem and try to fix it. Women often don’t want you to fix the problem but rather just to listen. That’s frustrating for us.
Women, on the other hand, need to talk about their feelings. And that’s okay.
But to be a better husband we need to be a better listener. There’s a degree of empathy that we have to cultivate. We need to just sit in the moment with her while she works through what she’s feeling. It’s not about feeling sorry for her. It’s about acknowledging that she has feelings.
I think this video illustrates the point very well.
Control your reactions
When we react to every stimulus and every circumstance, it creates a tension between a husband and a wife. If you want to be a better husband, learn to suppress the immediate emotional response to the stimulus that your wife is putting out.
Men, we like to think that we are not emotional, or that we are more stoic than women. We are often just as emotional and we have very emotional reactions. Our emotions usually manifest as anger and frustration.
The first step in controlling your emotions is recognizing when they happen. Make a conscious effort today to pay attention to the things that get you riled up. You have to choose to deliberately react the opposite way.
It’s going to feel weird at first. She may even pick up on the emotion behind your control and try turn it into a fight.
Take a breath and react with love rather than anger.
Reevaluate your priorities.
For many years the husband was the sole provider in his home. It is still the case in some homes.
Regardless of who brings home the bacon, here are some vestigial remnants of the days when the husband was the hunter-gatherer. Most of those remnants are thought patterns in our own minds.
We feel that we have to give our families more. We feel that they deserve a better life or better social standing or more activities or more material things.
I do believe that it’s important for us to work, and it’s important for us to be a part of providing for our family. But we have to make sure that we don’t prioritize the material things over our presence in our home.
Our families are of a higher priority than the things that we possess. Our marriage is of a higher priority than any other relationships. If you want to be a better husband make sure that you value that relationship above anything else.
Correct her gently.
Wives don’t like to be told they’re wrong.
To be fair nobody likes to be told they’re wrong. A good husband can gently correct and lead his wife when she’s making a mistake. And this goes both ways. She also can gently correct you when you’re making a mistake.
If you are overly critical, He will tear her down. If you are overly passive, she will never know that what she’s done has wronged you. There is a fine line of balance right in the middle where we are gentle, humble, and kind but also truthful.
Guard against temptation.
A friend once told me he had a deal with his wife. In their relationship, there were no barriers for him to go to strip clubs or watch porn. She said, “I don’t care where you get your appetite as long as you come home for dinner.”
Some of us might think we would appreciate that kind of “freedom.” But I know that that can be a dangerous path to tread.
Your marriage vows are sacred. If you use other women to satisfy or inflame your sexual desires, you may very well find yourself giving into the temptation of having an affair.
Adultery isn’t just an old-fashioned sin. It’s the number one cause of divorce. Some people have come to the place where they don’t even care about the wrongness of it anymore and have an open relationship, where they sleep with whoever they want.
I know I sound old-fashioned but I just don’t see that as a good thing.
If you want to preserve the sanctity of your sexual relationship, you need to train your mind to shut out external sources of sexual desire.
We’re men. We’re always going to notice beauty. But to notice and mentally acknowledge beauty has to be tempered with mental discipline. Learn to tell your mind to stop before it goes down the rabbit trail of imagination.
That may mean that you have to take away the bait. For many years, there were television shows that I couldn’t watch, because I found myself focused on the woman in the bikini or the low-cut top. It wasn’t a trashy show, but I felt attracted to the actress, and seeing her would stir up temptation. I did not have the mental discipline to watch that show, because my mind wanted more. I went back and watched the show years later, and it didn’t bother me the same as it did when I had less control.
Your situations may be different, but I do believe that the principle is the same. Don’t go to the donut shop if you can’t say no to a donut.
Get used to being wrong
A wise couple once told my wife and I that to really do marriage well, you have to ask yourself the question:
Do I want to be married, or do I want to be right?
The truth in that question is everything. There are times when you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right about something. She disagrees. Before it becomes an argument – you really have to contextualize the issue. Is it worth a fight? Can you be humble enough to let the situation play out?
Don’t say I told you so
In a follow up to the scenario I just posed – you know you’re right – and she disagrees, but you decide it’s not worth the fight. The situation comes full circle, and it is proven you were right all along…
Do you gloat? Do you find a way to get your glory? Do you say, “I told you so, honey!” You may have the upper hand, but taking glory in it is only going to push her down and build you up. That’s the opposite of how this should work.
What does astronomy (or astrology) have to do with your marriage? Absolutely Nothing.
But I use those words for a reason. Many husbands have set their whole universe to revolve around their wife. I know I told you that she needs to be your highest priority. But if she is the sun to your planets, the center of your universe – you will cause your marriage to suffer.
If your marriage is a galaxy, you are two planets locked in orbit together around a greater gravitational force. Not a moon or a planet revolving around each other.
You each have to have friends and connections and interests apart from each other. She cannot fulfill every one of your needs. You cannot fulfill every one of hers. You need brotherhood. She needs sisterhood. You need hobbies. She needs hobbies. You need things you can do together, but you also need to have somewhere to go or something to do occasionally to remind yourselves that you are not the only two souls in the universe.
Have the conversation with your wife. What do you need from me? How can I be a better husband?
Each of you take a piece of paper. Tell her you are going to write down a number from 1 to 10 on performance as a husband. Ask her to do the same. Then trade papers.
Don’t be hurt or offended if hers is less than you need it to be. Ask her for ONE thing you can work on over the next couple weeks to level up a notch. Let her know that you are committed to improvement, but you can’t fix everything overnight – so ONE thing is a good place to start.
Don’t ask her to do the same job of rating herself as a wife. If she offers, accept it. Chances are she will. But don’t make this about criticizing her – make this about improving yourself.
If she’s willing to talk about what you need to improve, be humble, teachable, and don’t make excuses. If you think she’s wrong – carefully listen to what she’s saying, and commit to take it seriously and to work on it.
Nobody likes marriage counseling. It’s like going to the dentist. But if you find that you can’t work through the issues you’re facing without fighting- it may be time to call a pastor, a counselor, a marriage therapist, and to sit down and talk through the issues together. There’s no shame in it. But don’t go in with the goal of proving her wrong. Go in with the goal of fixing yourself.
If you are asking questions about how to be a better husband, this is good. Many men do not even care to explore the questions. They just assume it will happen. They just assume they are good. They follow their feelings rather than their principles and integrity. And then they react emotionally when things come crashing down. Don’t be like those men. Dig into what it means to be a good husband.
I’ll contend that to be a better husband, you should start with trying to be a better man independently of her. You commit to self-improvement whether she does or not. You commit to be the best version of yourself. Most of the time – she’ll follow suit. She wants to see you improve – and she is designed to follow your lead. If you aren’t improving – she can’t. Don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. Even if she says, “Dude, this is over. I’m done.” — being a better man is the right answer! You’ll never survive marriage or divorce if you don’t commit to bettering yourself.
Every man, deep down, wants to be a better man. We want to feel like a man. We want to be known by others for our character, but we want to know ourselves as better men. We’ve put together a list of tips to make you a better man, furthermore, that can help you see yourself as a better man, and they’ll help others see it in you too.
Because we want you to get a feel for some of these manly tips, we’ve included 10 of the 50 tips below.
A firm handshake Limp fish are not manly. However, a firm handshake is a sign of masculinity. Squeeze firmly, with your body lined up square, and look the other party in the eye with a smile.
Read more books Learning and growing is important. It’s not just for school kids. But if you struggle reading, listen to audio books. But we need to keep expanding what we know.
Pay with cash Cash is king. Debit cards and credit cards may be convenient, but scientific studies that the act of paying in cash reads as pain, versus paying with plastic, which feels like pleasure. It’s better to see that cash flow out of your hands and cause you a little pain to help keep your spending under control.
Make eye contact Don’t be creepy about it, but for goodness sake, my eyes are up here! Eye contact is a natural human trait. For some reason, we’ve lost it. Above all, People who don’t make eye contact appear dishonest or shifty.
Don’t go dutch If you are taking a lady on a date, pay the bill. If she makes more money than you, that’s fine. She can save it up to pay the house off later in life.
Be Sober I’m not saying you can’t ever drink alcohol, but I am saying – don’t be the guy that is always drunk or high. If you can’t have just one without losing your crap, then don’t have any. To be sober is to be in control of yourself. It’s better to be the guy that doesn’t drink at all than to be the guy who has no self control.
Write Out Your Purpose, Mission, Vision, and Values Taking the time to identify your Purpose, your Mission, your Vision, and your Values is one of the manliest things you can do – to truly know who you are and what you stand for. (If you need help with this – check out the book CORE OPS: A Tactical Field Guide To Take Command Of Your Life by Josh Hatcher available in our store. )
Never sleep past 8AM If you went to bed too late, then you should go to bed earlier. Getting up and moving in the morning is important and has tremendous value. In other words, Get up. Do something. Obviously, night shift workers have an exception to this suggestion.
Hold the door for people We know a gentleman usually holds a door for a lady. But there’s a common courtesy in noticing if a man or a woman is walking behind you, and holding the door so they can walk ahead. It keeps us humble to remember we don’t have to be first, and we’re here to serve others.
Talk to yourself in the mirror It’s not crazy to tell yourself what you need to hear. A few minutes of honest conversation with yourself – reading an affirmation, or encouraging yourself will help shape you. Make it a daily habit.
It doesn’t matter where you’re going and how long you’re staying there – every time you’re going on a business trip, you have to look your best. This is simply the way things work, and in the world of modern business, the way you look defines who you are and how worthy you are. That’s why looking amazing at all times is so crucial, but not all businessmen know how to dress for a business trip and what to take with them. If you’re among these men, here are a few essentials you need to have with you at all times.
A proper bag
This is an item most men already possess, but not all of them are as satisfied with their travel bag as they should be. Keep in mind that choosing a travel bag isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it doesn’t have to be the hardest either. It’s all about defining the proper size, the proper type, and the proper brand – and that’s basically it! Make sure your bag is big enough to fit all your essentials, but still not too big so that it becomes hard to handle. Also, don’t forget to find a bag that’s reliable, strong, and durable, and you’ll be able to use it in the years and decades to come without having to spend extra money on a new one.
The right footwear
This is an item most men generally think they know everything about, but the truth is quite the opposite. With so many different types of footwear out there and lots of styles and combinations, not all shoes are the same, and you have to think twice before deciding which ones you’re going to take on your business trip. You have to take several things into consideration – your comfort, your appearance, and your luggage size – and find the right pair or two that will work for you in different occasions. Once you do that, you’ll have fewer problems packing your stuff and getting ready for your business trip, and that’s a commodity all businessmen value quite a lot.
The best money clip
When you’re a businessman, looking good is one thing, but looking amazing is something completely different. You have to remember that your looks speak for you and if you’re about to meet potential clients, partners, and investors, you have to look your best. That’s why taking care of the details is so important, and those amazing money clips are one of the best ways to take your look to the next level. These stylish money clips for men don’t just look elegant but are also made from high-quality materials, which means you’ll be able to use them for quite a long time.
The strongest portable charger
Even when you’re going away for a day or two, you need to take your phone, your tablet, and your computer with you, and that means you’ll have to think about the battery life on these devices as well. An empty battery is one of the worst things in the world for a businessman, so making sure your phones and computers are always fully-charged is vital. That’s why you need to find one of those portable chargers and take it with you at all times, keeping your electronic devices always fully-charged. Still, not all chargers are the same, and only the strongest one on the market is going to be good enough for you.
An unlimited data plan
This is one of those things you never think of before it’s too late – but if you travel abroad often, you need to have an unlimited data plan all the time. Whether you prefer texting, calling, or browsing the Internet, doing that freely can turn your business trip from average to amazing. So, instead of searching for a free Wi-Fi spot wherever you go, just get an unlimited data plan instead, and you’ll have problems doing whatever you want to do whenever you want.
Your own shaving kit
Most respectable hotels have a tendency to equip your room with the most basic skincare items, including a shaving kit, but do you really want to rely on someone else’s choice when it comes to your own skin? Lots of men have sensitive skin and can, therefore, use only a handful of razors and shavers, and if you’re one of them, the chances are you won’t be satisfied with your hotel’s default choice. So, just take your own shaving kit with you when you’re traveling, or assemble your personal travel shaving kit and you’ll minimize further skin damage wherever you go.
Some of the other travel essentials you need to take into consideration include a great new watch, a shoeshine kit, a lasting deodorant, and a leather belt that will make you look and feel good no matter how tired you are!
Josh Hatcher of Manlihood.com talks about the most important piece of furniture you own.
The Kitchen Table.
Eating dinner with your family is one of the most important things you can do. It’s no always easy to do in today’s world – but it’s important to make it a priority as often as possible. Even eating around your kitchen table with friends has a tremendous value!
Manlihood ManCast Podcast for Men from Josh Hatcher of Manlihood.com