Lesli Doares – Expert Marriage and Relationship Coach
Are you struggling with your marriage or relationship? Are you looking for guidance on how to build a strong and healthy relationship with your partner? If so, you’re not alone. Many men struggle with these issues, and it’s important to seek help from experts like Lesli Doares.
On this episode of Manlihood ManCast, we are joined by Lesli Doares, a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, and author of the book “Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After With More Intention, Less Work.”
Watch and Listen to the Manlihood ManCast with Josh Hatcher – a top ranking Podcast for Men at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Youtube, or wherever you listen to podcasts
Marriage and Relationship Coaching
Lesli is an expert in marriage and relationship coaching, and during our discussion, she shares her insights and advice on how men can improve their relationships and marriages. Lesli believes that communication is key to a successful relationship, and she teaches couples how to communicate effectively and compassionately.
She also emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and authenticity in relationships. Lesli encourages men to be open and honest with their partners, and to create a safe space where both partners can share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Lesli’s approach to coaching is holistic, which means she takes into account all aspects of a person’s life and how they impact their relationships. She helps men identify patterns of behavior that may be negatively affecting their relationships and provides them with tools to make positive changes.
Lesli also helps couples identify their core values and teaches them how to align their actions and behaviors with those values. This approach helps couples build stronger, more meaningful relationships that can withstand the challenges that life inevitably brings.
Join the Discussion
If you’re struggling with your marriage or relationship, or if you simply want to improve your communication and connection with your partner, then this episode is for you. Join us on the Manlihood ManCast as we delve into the world of marriage and relationship coaching with Lesli Doares.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to learn from an expert in the field and take steps towards creating the happy, healthy relationship you deserve. Listen now to this podcast for men and discover how Lesli’s approach can help you improve your relationships and marriages.
His frank but helpful talk about sex and relationships is going VIRAL on social media. With tens of thousands of followers, Ryan Cass Morrow has even ticked off the big tech censors – but his message is not just controversial conversation fodder. He’s just telling his story of how his seriously jacked up relationship got BETTER after he and his wife put in the work.
Cass’s message is blunt and to the point. Many married men are unhappy with their sex lives. They are unfulfilled, and tired of getting “pity sex” from their wives.
After an incredibly difficult and broken relationship with his wife led to frustration and some very toxic situations, Cass and his wife Kathryn took the reins of their marriage and steered it into a better direction.
How to get better sex with your wife
No one wants their wife to feel like sex with them is an obligation.
But what is it they want from us???
That’s the question most men ask. They don’t know or understand that better sex starts when you step fully into bettering yourself as a man, and loving her.
The married relationship between a husband and wife CAN get better, and when it does get better, better sex often follows!
From Broken and Bruised Marriage to Better
Cass and Kathryn separated 7 times in the first 4 years of their marriage, and missed four of their anniversaries.
Cass even had a 30 day restraining order filed against him, and they nearly divorced hundreds of times.
Cass begged for sex, asking “Why don’t you want sex anymore?” “What would turn you on?” “Do you even think I’m sexy?” “Why don’t you want me?”
His anger became ferocious as he felt unwanted, and that pushed her away even more.
Listen to the Manlihood ManCast to find out how Cass and Kathryn turned their relationship around
And you can find tools to help your relationship too!
The word “cuck” is an abbreviation of the word “cuckold”.
It refers to a man who has been spurned by his woman because of his weakness as she pursues a sexual relationship from a stronger man.
It’s become an internet insult, and it definitely sounds like a very dirty word – whether it’s officially a “cuss word” or not – it’s certainly a word that no man wants to be called, and it describes a position in which no man wants to be.
Men often go out of their way to get the girl. Then they get the girl and they give up.
Improving yourself, working on becoming a better, stronger man will make you measurably more attractive.
Meet her needs
Your spouse is looking for someone to meet her needs – physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Commit together to guard your family
Affairs don’t happen overnight.
Work together to draw your boundaries, and then enforce those boundaries without jealousy and with trust.
Fight Like Hell
I’ve been using the phrase a lot lately. You need to fight like hell to create the kind of marriage that overcomes temptation, that is full of love and respect, that is fiercely guarded and protected, and that is not full of dangerous fault lines and volcanic eruptions.
Alonzo talks with Manlihood about the traditional values he believes in, and how it matters that men work to live by and preserve those values.
“When we promote leaders, we typically promote based on skills other than leadership and this creates dysfunctional organizations. Leadership is a skill that can be learned and my simple and effective method can improve your team quickly.” – Alonzo Pettigrew
That question plagues most every man, especially a monogamous man trying to improve his sexual relationship with his partner. Sarrah Rose is a Men’s Sex and Relationship Coach with an emphasis on tantric sex.
That’s not our usual manlihood interview…
When Sarrah reached out to get an interview with us at Manlihood, I was skeptical. This isn’t the typical interview that I would be looking for. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about sexuality with a woman, especially a woman who is into “tantric sex.” In fact, my wife’s reaction when I told her about it was, “Ummmmm…..”
Personal Development for Men
But Sarrah sent me a link to another interview she had done, and her primary emphasis is actually on personal development. If men want to be better lovers, it starts by taking care of themselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Women want men who are healed from their trauma, safe to be around, and emotionally stable.
After hearing her perspective, I thought this would be a very valuable interview for us at Manlihood.
Jared “Psych” Laurence was never the popular kid. In fact, his high school girlfriend left him for another boy. He was bad at sports, and struggled to make friends.
But after Jared dug into therapy and determined to make a change in his life, he became a new man. He pursued an education in psychology, and armed with self-help, personal development, and an excellent understanding of psychology, he not only transformed his own dating life, but now he helps other men reform their lives to be able to live more confidently and boldly, and that improves their dating prospects and social lives as well.
As a dating mentor, he founded Modern Flirting to help entrepreneurs and professionals empower themselves and connect with the person of their dreams.
Jared Laurence has been featured in numerous national media outlets.
In this episode, Jared speaks with Josh Hatcher about how a man can become the man that SHE desires – become more confident, and even heal from the pain of divorce and break-up so that he can start over and find the woman of his dreams.
Mike has served for years as a men’s group leader and is the recipient of the Life Changer Award. He lives in North Georgia with his beloved wife of 20 years. They are the proud parents of three children. Mike loves the outdoors, fishing, boating, skiing, cooking on cast iron, and time with family and friends
In “Iron and Cotton,” Mike Povenz offers insight that informs and prepares men for the greatest journey in life – marriage. In this must-read book, you will discover the obstacles and challenges that ensnare other men but will not ensnare you. You will receive the tools to help defy the statistics of divorce and grow into the intentional and purposeful man and husband that your family needs. Nobody goes into marriage planning to fail. Yet, millions of couples end up divorced or trapped in loveless and sexless marriages. With the guidance and advice in this book, you will be forged in the fires of wisdom and prepared to handle anything. Inside every man, there is an offering of strength and compassion waiting to be released into his marriage – an IRON side of him ready to offer courage and stability and a COTTON side prepared to offer comfort and understanding. The combination of these traits is essential to build character and fortify your marriage.
It’s almost uncommon when a man decides he wants to be a better husband. I called you today has almost eliminated any kind of self-improvement when it comes to relationships. It gets hard, so people just give up.
But we’re going to look at that question.
How can I be a better husband
Become a better listener
Men, we tend to listen just enough to hear the problem and try to fix it. Women often don’t want you to fix the problem but rather just to listen. That’s frustrating for us.
Women, on the other hand, need to talk about their feelings. And that’s okay.
But to be a better husband we need to be a better listener. There’s a degree of empathy that we have to cultivate. We need to just sit in the moment with her while she works through what she’s feeling. It’s not about feeling sorry for her. It’s about acknowledging that she has feelings.
I think this video illustrates the point very well.
Control your reactions
When we react to every stimulus and every circumstance, it creates a tension between a husband and a wife. If you want to be a better husband, learn to suppress the immediate emotional response to the stimulus that your wife is putting out.
Men, we like to think that we are not emotional, or that we are more stoic than women. We are often just as emotional and we have very emotional reactions. Our emotions usually manifest as anger and frustration.
The first step in controlling your emotions is recognizing when they happen. Make a conscious effort today to pay attention to the things that get you riled up. You have to choose to deliberately react the opposite way.
It’s going to feel weird at first. She may even pick up on the emotion behind your control and try turn it into a fight.
Take a breath and react with love rather than anger.
Reevaluate your priorities.
For many years the husband was the sole provider in his home. It is still the case in some homes.
Regardless of who brings home the bacon, here are some vestigial remnants of the days when the husband was the hunter-gatherer. Most of those remnants are thought patterns in our own minds.
We feel that we have to give our families more. We feel that they deserve a better life or better social standing or more activities or more material things.
I do believe that it’s important for us to work, and it’s important for us to be a part of providing for our family. But we have to make sure that we don’t prioritize the material things over our presence in our home.
Our families are of a higher priority than the things that we possess. Our marriage is of a higher priority than any other relationships. If you want to be a better husband make sure that you value that relationship above anything else.
Correct her gently.
Wives don’t like to be told they’re wrong.
To be fair nobody likes to be told they’re wrong. A good husband can gently correct and lead his wife when she’s making a mistake. And this goes both ways. She also can gently correct you when you’re making a mistake.
If you are overly critical, He will tear her down. If you are overly passive, she will never know that what she’s done has wronged you. There is a fine line of balance right in the middle where we are gentle, humble, and kind but also truthful.
Guard against temptation.
A friend once told me he had a deal with his wife. In their relationship, there were no barriers for him to go to strip clubs or watch porn. She said, “I don’t care where you get your appetite as long as you come home for dinner.”
Some of us might think we would appreciate that kind of “freedom.” But I know that that can be a dangerous path to tread.
Your marriage vows are sacred. If you use other women to satisfy or inflame your sexual desires, you may very well find yourself giving into the temptation of having an affair.
Adultery isn’t just an old-fashioned sin. It’s the number one cause of divorce. Some people have come to the place where they don’t even care about the wrongness of it anymore and have an open relationship, where they sleep with whoever they want.
I know I sound old-fashioned but I just don’t see that as a good thing.
If you want to preserve the sanctity of your sexual relationship, you need to train your mind to shut out external sources of sexual desire.
We’re men. We’re always going to notice beauty. But to notice and mentally acknowledge beauty has to be tempered with mental discipline. Learn to tell your mind to stop before it goes down the rabbit trail of imagination.
That may mean that you have to take away the bait. For many years, there were television shows that I couldn’t watch, because I found myself focused on the woman in the bikini or the low-cut top. It wasn’t a trashy show, but I felt attracted to the actress, and seeing her would stir up temptation. I did not have the mental discipline to watch that show, because my mind wanted more. I went back and watched the show years later, and it didn’t bother me the same as it did when I had less control.
Your situations may be different, but I do believe that the principle is the same. Don’t go to the donut shop if you can’t say no to a donut.
Get used to being wrong
A wise couple once told my wife and I that to really do marriage well, you have to ask yourself the question:
Do I want to be married, or do I want to be right?
The truth in that question is everything. There are times when you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right about something. She disagrees. Before it becomes an argument – you really have to contextualize the issue. Is it worth a fight? Can you be humble enough to let the situation play out?
Don’t say I told you so
In a follow up to the scenario I just posed – you know you’re right – and she disagrees, but you decide it’s not worth the fight. The situation comes full circle, and it is proven you were right all along…
Do you gloat? Do you find a way to get your glory? Do you say, “I told you so, honey!” You may have the upper hand, but taking glory in it is only going to push her down and build you up. That’s the opposite of how this should work.
What does astronomy (or astrology) have to do with your marriage? Absolutely Nothing.
But I use those words for a reason. Many husbands have set their whole universe to revolve around their wife. I know I told you that she needs to be your highest priority. But if she is the sun to your planets, the center of your universe – you will cause your marriage to suffer.
If your marriage is a galaxy, you are two planets locked in orbit together around a greater gravitational force. Not a moon or a planet revolving around each other.
You each have to have friends and connections and interests apart from each other. She cannot fulfill every one of your needs. You cannot fulfill every one of hers. You need brotherhood. She needs sisterhood. You need hobbies. She needs hobbies. You need things you can do together, but you also need to have somewhere to go or something to do occasionally to remind yourselves that you are not the only two souls in the universe.
Have the conversation with your wife. What do you need from me? How can I be a better husband?
Each of you take a piece of paper. Tell her you are going to write down a number from 1 to 10 on performance as a husband. Ask her to do the same. Then trade papers.
Don’t be hurt or offended if hers is less than you need it to be. Ask her for ONE thing you can work on over the next couple weeks to level up a notch. Let her know that you are committed to improvement, but you can’t fix everything overnight – so ONE thing is a good place to start.
Don’t ask her to do the same job of rating herself as a wife. If she offers, accept it. Chances are she will. But don’t make this about criticizing her – make this about improving yourself.
If she’s willing to talk about what you need to improve, be humble, teachable, and don’t make excuses. If you think she’s wrong – carefully listen to what she’s saying, and commit to take it seriously and to work on it.
Nobody likes marriage counseling. It’s like going to the dentist. But if you find that you can’t work through the issues you’re facing without fighting- it may be time to call a pastor, a counselor, a marriage therapist, and to sit down and talk through the issues together. There’s no shame in it. But don’t go in with the goal of proving her wrong. Go in with the goal of fixing yourself.
If you are asking questions about how to be a better husband, this is good. Many men do not even care to explore the questions. They just assume it will happen. They just assume they are good. They follow their feelings rather than their principles and integrity. And then they react emotionally when things come crashing down. Don’t be like those men. Dig into what it means to be a good husband.
I’ll contend that to be a better husband, you should start with trying to be a better man independently of her. You commit to self-improvement whether she does or not. You commit to be the best version of yourself. Most of the time – she’ll follow suit. She wants to see you improve – and she is designed to follow your lead. If you aren’t improving – she can’t. Don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. Even if she says, “Dude, this is over. I’m done.” — being a better man is the right answer! You’ll never survive marriage or divorce if you don’t commit to bettering yourself.
Has your wife ever asked you to be more romantic? In episode 76, JOSH HATCHER digs into the question of How to be more romantic. It involves listening, and taking the time to know her needs. You can’t fake this guys – you have to put in the work.