Sometimes – you just need to get alone. Our personal growth and development and progress aren’t always about doing, and about the hustle. This is hard for men to realize sometimes – that what we really need – is sometimes a little time alone in the woods.
From the time we are young, we get this wrong impression that finding and winning a great woman will give us satisfaction.
Don’t get me wrong – my wife has certainly brought much satisfaction and joy to me life – but there was a point at which I realized that I was expecting her to fill a hole inside my heart that no mortal can fill.
To HONOR is to value something rightly. If we value something in the wrong way – it is actually a dishonor. I was dishonoring my wife by valuing her in a way she could not fulfill.
We often expect the wrong things out of our partners. What are we looking for? Where can we find it?
Most of the guys that are reading Manlihood blog posts and watching our videos are good men. Most of you are not sexually assaulting people, or parading around with your chests puffed out and shoving your masculinity in people’s faces. No – most of you men have already achieved a level of personal development.
Most of you are good men.
There might be a few brigands and rogues who stumble their way on the content we put out. GOOD! Sirs, if you’re a trouble maker – I hope you can learn from us!
If you ARE a good man though – we can always strive to be better. We can grow and learn and become better husbands, fathers, and leaders.
Any one of us, though, can get sucked into the wrong path. We can make one small bad decision that snowballs – and then we’re screwed.
Let’s strive for better. Let’s stay on track to be the best we can be.
When a man walks into a room – he can change the atmosphere of that room. His presence carries a certain weight. If that weight is recognized – it impacts the others.
That weight? That’s what GLORY is.
Your reputation, your demeanor, your posture, your story, your character – all factor into how people can see you.
And we can strive to build a presence that is respected and well known.
When I started Manlihood, I started it as much for myself as much as for everyone else. I don’t just want to help create resources for personal development for men, I want to personally develop myself as well.
A while back, my buddy Brian called me out.
He told me that I was committing slow suicide.
What?
Yeah. Not quick and traumatic.
Not fast and painless.
But by continuing to engage in a destructive lifestyle of eating crap food and not taking care of myself, I was committing slow suicide.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
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Want to weigh in? Comment here, or log in to our private facebook group – The Manlihood Mancave to discuss this with other men! Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info! Don’t forget to check out our partners: Hatcher Media – Creative Marketing Solutions | Graphic Design | Video Production | Web Design | Content and Social MarketingHonky EDC – Everyday Carry Essentials. Handkerchiefs, Beard Oils, and More.
In honor of Man Crush Monday, we thought we’d share these downloadable wallpapers for your device that feature quotes this week’s Monday Man Crush:
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
It’s good to know who hates you and it is good to be hated by the right people.
– Johnny Cash
My arms are too short to box with God
Johnny Cash
In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher tells us 5 relationships tips to save you a world of heartache.
I know we like to say that because it sounds poetic, and it kind of feels like it. But don’t let her be your whole world. Make sure you have some good friends, and that you MAINTAIN those friendships (particularly with other men who build you up). Make sure you have some things that you can do without her. If you wrap your whole identity around her, you’re going to be in trouble if you encounter any problems.
You’re either committed to work through them, or you are not. Make up your mind on the matter now.
Even though there is certainly an element of “submission” to each other involved in marriage – she submits to you – you lay down your life for her (just read ephesians) — it’s especially important to understand that each of you is sovereign. She has a right to her feelings and frustrations, as much as you do. You can’t get butthurt if she sees things from a different perspective, or if she prefers miracle whip to mayo. (I know – that’s probably a dealbreaker) Recognizing and acknowledging her sovereignty, as well as your own will allow you both to understand your value.
You bought her dinner? She doesn’t have to sleep with you. You went to work for 16 hours? She doesn’t OWE you clean dishes. YES. It’s helpful for you to have arrangements and clear expectations of each other. But don’t think for a minute that love is transactional. You can’t purchase or earn affection. No one is indebted to give love to the other. Love is given as a free gift, or it’s not love at all.
If you tolerate disrespect, and if you give disrespect, you’ll get disrespect. You must set clear expectations of the behavior and communication you want to receive from them, and patiently correct them when they deliver something different.
Complaining, insults, intentionally hurtful words create a spiraling effect. One of you offers them up, the other retaliates.
Don’t expect her to show respect if you don’t. And if she doesn’t – rather than retaliate- calmly correct it and get to the root of why she’s feeling that way. Do it humbly. You very well might be the root of it. You don’t have to tolerate verbally abusive and hurtful language. But if there are patterns established, it will take patience to change those patterns.
Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info!
Don’t forget to check out our partners:
Hatcher Media – Creative Marketing Solutions | Graphic Design | Video Production | Web Design | Content and Social Marketing
Honky EDC – Everyday Carry Essentials. Handkerchiefs, Beard Oils, and More.
In honor of Man Crush Monday, we thought we’d share these downloadable wallpapers for your device that feature quotes this week’s Monday Man Crush:
The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
Vince Lombardi
The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have. – Vince Lombardi
– Vince Lombardi
Sweat, blood, seawater, sand. Caked all over my face. I could HEAR smoke. I could SMELL the cries of my wounded brothers. On mission. Storm the beach. Take the high ground. Push them back. Kill the Nazi’s.
Lou’s grandfather landed on that beach.
“This operation is not being planned with any alternatives. This operation is planned as a victory, and that’s the way it’s going to be. We’re going down there, and we’re throwing everything we have into it, and we’re going to make it a success.”
General Dwight D Eisenhower
I don’t have such a direct connection to the real event, as far as I know, but I do know that this date, which will live in infamy, is also the anniversary of my own internal battle.
Life was a whirlwind of chaos. Missed deadlines, jobs not panning out. Spinning the Roulette Wheel of “What Bill Doesn’t Get Paid This Month.” And the fog and stench of my own personal war was ever present.
It was just something the pharmaceutical companies made up. I didn’t dare take any medication. I didn’t want to inhibit my creativity. It wasn’t a chemical imbalance anyway.
And there I say, watching yet another ball get dropped. Yet another of my “soldiers” fall on the shore.
I was in debt.
I was in pain.
I was buried under responsibilities I couldn’t even wrap my head around.
My friend had similar struggles. He sent me a text. “Dude. You up? Can I call you?”
He had lost a lot of weight, I knew this was one of “those calls.” I’d had a thousand of them from well-meaning friends who tried to help.
He told me about his ketogenic diet.
(I have literally tried it before)
He told me about the ADHD medication he was taking.
(I was skeptical)
He told me, “Man. Do this with me. You can do it. I’ll help you.”
Okay, Dennis. I’m game. I’m tired of this. Where do I start?
He told me to go look at myself in the mirror. Do you see that ugly guy? Tell him you hate him. That you don’t want to see him again. Then make a fist, look at that fist. When you see that ugly guy, you punch him down.
I went to the mirror. Even at 430 pounds, I said, “Dang. I’m sexy!”
Dennis, it’s not working.
His internal fuel is different from mine, for sure.
We will accept nothing less than full victory! Good luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.
Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Supreme Allied Commander, 6 June 1944.
A few days later, June 6, 2018, I sat outside in the warm June air. And started thinking about D-Day.
D-Day wasn’t victory for the Allied forces yet.
V-E Day was the day of victory over Europe. It was 11 months later.
V-J Day was the day of victory over Japan. It was 14 months later.
D-Day was called that because it was the DECISION DAY – the day of decisive victory.
Because we won that battle, victory for the rest of the war was assured.
There was a lot more war after that. A lot more carnage and cost and casualty.
But at THAT battle at Omaha Beach, our boots on the ground, our transports dumping men off in droves to overwhelm on stronghold, we changed the course of the war.
Lt Col Robert L Wolverton, commanding officer of 3rd battalion, 506th PIR.
“God almighty, in a few short hours we will be in battle with the enemy. We do not join battle afraid. We do not ask favors or indulgence but ask that, if You will, use us as Your instrument for the right and an aid in returning peace to the world.”
As I thought about that battle, and what it meant, I decided, then and there, that it was my D-Day. I was going to make the choice to never go back. I would not be the same.This day would decide the course of the rest of my life.
I talked to my doctor. I decided to give some medication a shot.
I decided to give a ketogenic diet a shot.
I took a new job.I decided that I’ll be a rockstar at it and I WILL excel.
I determined to lead my family the way they need to be led.
I determined to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.
I determined to lead myself the way I need to be led.
I determined to stop accepting a poverty mindset.
I determined to be who I’m meant to be.
It was the day of decisive victory.
Last D-Day, I set my first goal of losing 100 pounds by June 6. And I’m there. I’ve done it. If that goal has taught me anything – it’s that setting my intention, and saying that I can and will do something is powerful.
I wish I could say that all my problems were fixed, but I can say that they are getting better. Meeting this goal has transformed my way of thinking. It has empowered me. I have no desire to stay the same. I have no desire to remain defeated. I will not.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write down your goals.
Write down this sentence.