Every New Year, talk of resolutions start surfacing. In this blog series, we’ll identify what it takes to make a fresh start, and to resolve to change your life permanently.
You may look at me and see a fat man who has wasted way to much money on orange cheese puffs and Mountain Dew. You’re probably right. Every year, I make the resolution that I’ll get healthy, and every year I try and fail. So far, in the past several months, I’ve been on a roll and making progress. Manlihood contributor, Justin Willoughby lost 600 pounds. He’s not only my personal fitness coach and friend, but he’s helping to inspire many people to think beyond a New Year’s resolution. When it comes to fitness, he’ll tell you – it’s got to be a lifelong commitment to change. And I know from experience in other areas of my life, that this truth rings and resonates to the core of everything. Whatever it is that you want to change this year – whatever part of your life that needs a reboot- it doesn’t work unless you resolve to make a lifelong change. As long as we view the New Year as a resolution starter, it gives us an out, because we can start over in ten months if we fail after two. I can tell you, if we’re talking about weight loss, that’s why I have probably lost the same 20 pounds 20 times! Take some time this week to identify an area of your life that needs to change. Your relationship with your spouse, your parenting skills, your work habits, launching a new career as a writer, becoming a more positive person – whatever it is that needs to change in your life. Identify it. And start meditating on what it means to change it permanently. You don’t have to be stuck at a job you hate for the rest of your life. You don’t have to walk on eggshells because you are afraid your wife is going to leave you. You don’t have to be afraid about your kids making bad choices. You don’t have to be fat, or tired all of the time. All of those things can be fixed – but all of those things will require you to change. And change doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen just because you say it will. It starts with aligning your head and your heart with your destination, and it finishes when you fulfill your commitment. If you want to lose weight, you can lose it – but if you don’t commit to changes for the rest of your life you’re going to be in the same place you are now. You can resolve to be a better husband, but if you fall back into the same patterns of behavior, you’ll find yourself in the doghouse again. It’s not just about changing behavior, it’s about changing your lifestyle. That starts in your mind, and flows out from there – but change requires commitment, or you will always return to your old self by default.
Every Monday At Manlihood.com – we celebrate men of courage, valor, creativity, innovation, and honor. We celebrate men who have accomplished great things, that have set good examples, and then have made the world a better place. This is #mancrushmonday
Louis Zamperini is truly an American hero, and we at Manlihood proudly salute him as this week’s Man Crush Monday! From Wikipedia: Louis Silvie “Louie” Zamperini (January 26, 1917 – July 2, 2014) was a US prisoner of war survivor in World War II, a Christian evangelist and an Olympic distance runner.
Zamperini took up running in high school and qualified for the US in the 5000m race for the 1936 Berlin Olympics. He finished 8th in the event. In 1941 he was commissioned into the United States Army Air Forces as a Lieutenant. He served as a bombardier in B-24 Liberators in the Pacific. On a search and rescue mission, mechanical difficulties forced Zamperini’s plane to crash in the ocean. After drifting at sea for 47 days, he landed on the Japanese occupied Marshall Islands and was captured. He was taken to a prison camp in Japan where he was tortured. Following the war he initially struggled to overcome his ordeal. Later he became a Christian Evangelist with a strong belief in forgiveness. Zamperini is the subject of two biographical films, the 2014 Unbroken and the 2015 Captured by Grace.
— The movie Unbroken only shares a tiny bit of his story – but it’s still a great place to start learning about this courageous hero!
Check out these inspiring quotes from Louis Zamperini:
“The one who forgives never brings up the past to that person’s face. When you forgive, it’s like it never happened. True forgiveness is complete and total.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“I’d made it this far and refused to give up because all my life I had always finished the race.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“One moment of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.”
― Louis Zamperini
“Yet a part of you still believes you can fight and survive no matter what your mind knows. It’s not so strange. Where there’s still life, there’s still hope. What happens is up to God.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“All I want to tell young people is that you’re not going to be anything in life unless you learn to commit to a goal. You have to reach deep within yourself to see if you are willing to make the sacrifices.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“Someone who doesn’t make the (Olympic) team might weep and collapse. In my day no one fell on the track and cried like a baby. We lost gracefully. And when someone won, he didn’t act like he’d just become king of the world, either. Athletes in my day were simply humble in our victory.
I believe we were more mature then…Maybe it’s because the media puts so much pressure on athletes; maybe it’s also the money. In my day we competed for the love of the sport…In my day we patted the guy who beat us on the back, wished him well, and that was it.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“I think the hardest thing in life is to forgive. Hate is self destructive. If you hate somebody, you’re not hurting the person you hate, you’re hurting yourself. It’s a healing, actually, it’s a real healing…forgiveness.”
― Louis Zamperini
“People tell me, “You’re such an optimist”. Am I an optimist? An optimist says the glass is half full. A pessimist says the glass is half empty. A survivalist is practical. He says, “Call it what you want, but just fill the glass.” I believe in filling the glass.”
― Louis Zamperini
“The great commandment is that we preach the gospel to every creature, but neither God nor the Bible says anything about forcing it down people’s throats.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“You only have one life. You should never be too busy to save it.”
― Louis Zamperini, Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In: Lessons from an Extraordinary Life
“don’t be afraid to make mistakes; they are just the stepping-stones to success.”
― Louis Zamperini, Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In: Lessons from an Extraordinary Life
“I was raised to face any challenge.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“The world, we’d discovered, doesn’t love you like your family loves you.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“To live, a man needs food, water, and a sharp mind.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“(after asking Christ into his heart) I waited. And then, true to His promise, He came into my heart and my life. The moment was more than remarkable; it was the most realistic experience I’d ever had. I’m not sure what I expected; perhaps my life or my sins or a great white light would flash before my eyes; perhaps I’d feel a shock like being hit by a bolt of lightning. Instead, I felt no tremendous sensation, just a weightlessness and an enveloping calm that let me know that Christ had come into my heart.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
Well, here is the thing. You may just be introverted, but when the opportunities to become social arise – that does not mean that you have to hide, cower, or be uncomfortable.
What if there was a way that you could address all these things? You may not desire to be the “life of the party,” but you probably do desire to have some sort of comfort level in a group setting, social setting, or being out with friends? Even family time might become bothersome – I have seen it and it broke my heart. Luckily, I was able to reach out to that family member and assure that person their place in the family – but for some, its not so easy. Some of you may not have someone to “come to your side” in those times.
Here I am – I am here. Let me help you.
How can I help?
I have lost virtually all of my hearing – I wear a hearing aid. For some of you – you think glasses is a “weird thing” try having people ask about your hearing every two seconds you are out at a party. Try confronting a bully in a social setting who is being a complete prick to you because you cant hear them (men or a women) – get passed that.
Yes, I understand – I could easily shut up and go in a shell and call it being “introverted.” I dont buy it. I wont accept it. I look around and I see the person everyone likes is the person that could walk around the room and strike up a conversation. No, not to say something, to listen. That person is the life of the party, not the loud mouth. The guy that can walk up, look someone in the eye, ask a question and get a positive response – that is the guy that “gets it” – he is the life of a party.
No matter who you are, introvert, extrovert, whatever – you can get someone to talk about themsevles. Its easy!
My program will help you understand that. “How to Talk to Anyone” really is a masterpiece of incredible social skills! ALL LEARNED IN THE FIELD! All designed to work in the extreme conditions – wearing a hearing aid in a loud bar room, being ridiculed, etc (I wrote the story above). Its all tested! You can be assured it works.
Stop making excuses. You can master this with easy application of the book principles.
Best of luck and KEEP TRYING!
You can purchase “How to Talk to Anyone” by clicking the book below.
Get the new ebook from Josh Hatcher on Amazon HERE.
Josh’s book explores the 12 pillars of masculinity as he sees them, with wit, humility, and challenging insights.
See what others are saying!
“This excellent author has provided this book for the reading of us all, but primarily for men to read. From teenagers to older men, single or married, the 12 pillars are helpful guidelines containing powerful words to encourage growth. Josh Hatcher offers great advice and encouragement. Recent graduates, a new groom, a man recovering from poor choices or addiction, ANY man, would benefit from Manlihood: The 12 Pillars of Masculinity.”
“In this book, Joshua Hatcher explores manhood in its purest sense and helps his readers discover what it truly means to be a man in today’s society. Though geared toward men, women can benefit greatly from Mr. Hatcher’s book as well, as it will help them to not only recognize true men and raise them one day, but apply these things to their own lives. Josh combines timeless wisdom with smart social commentary and fresh takes on old ideas, creating this inspiring and exciting masterpiece. I highly recommend reading this book, no matter your age, gender, social standing–whatever the case may be–as it will revolutionize your ideas of manhood and possibly even what it means to be an ethical and wise human being.”
“This is a phenomenal book. Josh Hatcher lays it all out about what it means to be a man and the action steps you should take to be the best man you are capable of. It is just great. I will be reading it a few more times at least. Whether you are a young boy looking for guidance or a grown man wanting to improve as a man, this book is for you. It was very well written and is a wealth of information.”
“You would think this content is common sense, but sadly in this day and age, it is not. I want to personally thank this author for his calling to help males become the men they are supposed to be. Very concise and easy to read, this is important to me. Two thumbs up!”
“Filled with timeless truths not only for men, young and old, but for everyone desiring to grow as a person. Josh has presented principles of manhood in an accessible way that can be a great outline for mentoring and personal growth.”
There are so many different ways to enter a conversation and start a conversation with someone you want to speak with that the options are unlimited. This shouldnt make you feel hopeless, but hopeful!
Conversations can go so many different ways, but you can steer them to go in a positive direction – and ultimately a direction that BENEFITS you, not hurt you.
Here are 3 Tips in starting a conversation with ANYONE of any sex, race, and creed.
1. Have an opener ready for the given situation
An opener? What is that?
An opener is a simple way that you are going to enter the conversation that displays you have social confidence and that there is a bit of intelligence behind the curtain – that someone “is at home” so to speak.
Some are doing this without even knowing what they are doing. My wife will do it all the time when we are out at the store. She is so good at talking to random strangers. She will see someone in the medical aisle, use the OBSERVATION approach (without knowing what she is going) and say something like “Oh, my son just had a cold and it works fantastic! Are your little ones getting this cold too?” Bam – my wife is locked for the next 15-20 minutes. What did she do besides the observation opener? Read number 2.
2. Quickly make the conversation/question about them
At this phase of the conversation, now is not the time to be asking questions that will get one word answers. Those come off as awkward and will create dead space. Dead space = bad. Dead space shows you lack social status and you are TRYING to hard. Having them talk about themselves transitions that. What is really funny was when I was working this stuff out, I would ask a one word answer question, then try to follow it up with an observational question to TRY to get them talking – forget it! You will lose interest almost immediately with one word answer type questions.
Want to be the best conversationalist? Learn how to get someone to talk about themselves.
3. Listen and Respond.
There was some truth about dating, relationships, and conversations that you could have taken away from the Will Smith movie, HITCH. That is when you are engaging in a conversation “listen and respond.” I know that sounds so simple, but it is so hard to do. Listen to what they are saying in the conversation, then respond intellegently, sarcastically, or intrigued. You can really demonstrate your personality in your responses as well. Getting them to laugh will draw instant likability as well. Dont be afraid to share your emotions about a certain topic – mirror them to see what is going to be appropriate – if they are sad – respond/mirror with sympathy. If they are excited – be excited! Mirroring is highly effective and will definitely help you increase your likability in your conversation.
3.5 Have fun.
This one goes along with anything you are working on within yourself – Have fun – for goodness sake have fun, would ya? Lighten up. You get shot down, or it feels awkward – turn and smile – even laugh about a fail. Tell your friends and if they dont pick on you about it – make new friends that will laugh WITH you. Go out and have some fun – this world is too big to be serious all the time.
Until next time!
Andrew G. Wright Sr.
You can get more helpful tips from Andrew in his book, “How To Talk To Anyone!” Andrew shares his wisdom of conversations that he has learned while in the field of life. Struggling with a disability, Andrew had to pay extra attention to conversations and social metrics – if anyone can help you with social anxiety and talking with others – Andrew can.
Check out the new ebook from Josh Hatcher on Amazon.
I know what you are thinking!
At just $1.99, that’s less than 4 tenths of a penny for every Chunk of Manly Knowledge!
What a great bargain!
Wisdom for Men: 500 Chunks of Manly Knowledge is full of excellent passages on manhood, courage, hard work, common sense, and the enduring spirit of men. With quotes from Bear Grylls, Jack Donovan, Teddy Roosevelt, George S. Patton, and many others, Josh Hatcher has compiled a meaningful and inspiring source of wisdom for any man.
Simple, easy-to-digest, nuggets of wisdom, but packed with plenty of meat to sustain the journey. Loved perusing this awesome collection of wisdom! I will refer to this often.
I’m not sure if you have ever done something as a kid that you loved so much – only to grow older and not do it anymore. Now that you don’t do it anymore, you look back and see that you REALLY miss it and want to do it again so bad if you had the resources to.
For me, that was baseball – taking the mound of a competitive baseball game to be exact.
Well, I recently wrote a post on my page that I wanted to share with you folks here.
I was, and still am a baseball nut.
I love this game. I grew up to love the game – I grew up to play the game effectively – and I grew to be pretty darn good at it.
I recently joined the Bradford Badgers. It felt absolutely to amazing to be a part of the game once again.
Hearing the “pop” of the gloves. The “clank” of the bat. It was just baseball again.
Looking back over my life, I just can not BELIEVE that I lost something I love because of no self-esteem. You see when I was in high school, it was a transition phase for me. It was a phase where insecurities are always high, but for me – it was a bit more dramatic (at least in my head).
My freshmen year, I was told that I would be wearing hearing aids the rest of my life. If you thought eye glasses were tough to wear – try wearing hearing aids! Talk about a wake up call. I felt everyone was staring at my ears. I felt there were people trying to talk to me and I couldnt hear them. I felt completely overwhelmed and vulnerable.
I don’t blame my ears for much, but I will blame it for self-esteem issues. THEN I will blame myself for not battling through it. You see, if I had known THEN, what i know NOW – there is no doubt in my mind that I would have been able to play baseball in college – possibly semi-pro. Who knows? I will NEVER know because I let it slip. I stopped pushing. I stopped going 110%. I gave up on myself.
I realize how much i robbed myself – how much I robbed the game I loved so much. I say NEVER again will this happen in my life.
If you have done this – don’t let your self-esteem run you. RUN IT! Say NEVER AGAIN! You may not get the chance to take it back later in life..it might be too late.
At 31, my run to the big leagues is PROBABLY over – like, 1 in 1 Billion (SO YOUR SAYIN THERES A CHANCE!). I could be like THE ROOKIE and get a shot at the bigs…who knows where God is leading (HA! That would be awesome, but probably not again – there could be a ball club out there that would take someone that runs an 8.4 40 yard dash, right?. It could just be the Bradford Badgers and I am completely OK with that as well – I feel extremely blessed to have this opportunity. I get to play the game I love at a high level.
(Me breaking out of “retirement”)
For more on Self Esteem Help – check out this book below. I have included a chapter for you to read to see if it would be something you might be interested in. The link is also available by clicking the book cover.
Chapter 3 from Self Help 15: 15 ways You Can Instantly Improve Your Self Esteem
Being prepared to receive that you have been asking for is necessary for actually receiving it.
How does that work? It is a “faith without works is dead” type of thing.
You want to be more self-confident, you want to be attracting a more positive self so we need to prepare for the end state that you are trying to create.
You see the biggest mistake that is stuck on autopilot when you are in low self-esteem is that it is negative thinking and lack of positive reinforcements for future success. We might do well for a while, but later on we are EASILY sucked back into the negative self-image that we developed with low self-esteem.
The goal here is to start preparing for the better you to come through. This is a demonstration of faith on your part. Here are some ways you can prepare for that new you:
Clean up your act
I notice that when I want to set a new motion in gear, it always makes me feel better when I start by cleaning up my space at work, home and personal space that I have. Being organized and getting my act together always makes me feel instantly accomplished. An hours’ worth of work boosts my spirits, and my house, office, and personal spaces are clean.
The Mirror
Perhaps you haven’t wanted to even look in the mirror lately. It IS one of the most deceptive things in the universe when you are in a state of lacking self-esteem, however, we are setting in a new motion. From this day forward, that mirror will be cleaned and ready to work in your favor. You will be able to look straight into that mirror from this point forward and say – “that guy/gal in there is pretty freakin awesome!” Start your day today – and end it with a declaration right in that mirror.
Clear out your closet/dresser drawers
Make way for the new you. You are going to be working on your image and there might be some things you can get rid of. It’s time to cut ties with your over worn sweat pants, those socks with holes in them, the old track jacket from high school.
Let Go of the Past
Is there something from this period of your life that is just hanging around? Cut ties with it! Break up put you in this mess – BURN THE PICTURES and send the memories packing. Clear out your facebook.
Important message about this part. If you are cleaning out and burning things up – let it go. I say let it go because later on, when you least expect it, those memories or pictures may just magically show up again. You need to just move past it all together. Let this be a ceremony of just moving on. The burning up the past and moving forward. I can’t tell you how many times I did this for jobs, for old girlfriends, old friendships, and lost loved ones. It always worked. One last time to reflect, but it won’t affect my emotions any longer. I am bigger than that and stronger than the past. My future is so much brighter!
Would love for you guys to take full advantage of the free period (which ends Thursday). Download these books and hold on to them for later if you have to.
I only ask for two things in return.
Leave a review of the book if you read it.
Take ONE thing back with you after reading it.
So far over 1,000 downloads have been done in the last 3 days. I know life changes are being made – that is something Im excited about!
Every New Year, talk of resolutions start surfacing. In this blog series, we’ll identify what it takes to make a fresh start, and to resolve to change your life permanently.
not only my personal fitness coach and friend, but he’s helping to inspire many people to think beyond a New Year’s resolution. 
