Men often face an inner battle when they clock in to work everyday. A lack of fulfillment – the feeling of being a slave to the wage – and a desire for freedom and purpose can leave many men feeling hopeless and void. Our guest today, Ken Coleman, is working hard to help folks make the most of their careers.
America’s Career Coach
Ken Coleman is America’s Career Coach, the #1 national bestselling author of The Proximity Principle and From Paycheck to Purpose, and host of The Ken Coleman Show. Ken helps people discover what they were born to do and provides practical steps to make their dream job a reality. The Ken Coleman Show is a nationally syndicated, caller-driven show that helps listeners who are searching for something more out of their career.
Matt Sinkovitz has been a practitioner and teacher of personal & spiritual development for over a decade. An avid student of mindfulness and meditation, Matt graduated from the Blue Mountain School of Mindfulness Arts seminary program in May 2018, with a Masters in Buddhist Ministry, and was ordained Osho (priest) in May 2019. In this capacity, he now services as a spiritual guide and interfaith chaplain in prisons and hospitals.
Matt began his studies in Buddhism and New Thought as a young adult, seeking resolution to his own personal life dilemmas. Overcoming his 20+ year compulsive relationship with porn, Matt was inspired to share his journey and support other men in their path to liberation. Through his online Facebook support community, ‘Porn to Purpose’, Matt currently runs the ‘90-Day Liberation Boot Camp’, as well as the ‘7-Day Porn Abstinence Challenge’. Matt is passionate about the community’s commitment to support committed fathers and husbands in ending their toxic relationship with porn, so they can reignite that passion in their relationships and be better role models to their children.
Your purpose is really simple. It’s WHY you exist. WHY are you here?
Purpose doesn’t change
It was there before you were born, and it sticks with you for your whole life. Many people get focused on their purpose as a specific thing. Then, when something goes wrong, their identity and purpose are questioned in a moment of crisis.
Developing a personal mission statement
Putting your mission into words is a powerful act. It sets your intention. In conjunction with your purpose and your vision, it’s the equivalent of getting in the car and plugging in GPS Coordinates. How powerful would your life by if you had that kind of clarity in your destination?
Vision
Vision is where you are headed. It’s a goal, with a plan, centered around your purpose and your mission.
Your vision answers the question, “If I continue working toward my mission according to my purpose, where will I be in five to ten years?”
Values
We all have values. Even the unscrupulous among us have values.
To value something is to give it worth. There are things that either knowingly or un-knowingly have worth in our lives. They guide our decision-making. They affect our personal relationships. If we take the time to identify the core of those values, we can recognize them not just as gut-checks or feelings, but rather as guiding principles.
Josh Hatcher – Mission – Vision – Values
Purpose: To live a life of love and service to God, my family, and my community.
Mission: To use my talents and abilities to enrich and lead in the lives my family, my friends, my community, and all of those in my expanding circle of influence.
Vision: I will live as an ambassador of Christ and lead my family, while I find meaning and value in my work, while building passive income streams, and mentoring and encouraging men and women.
Because the world needs men to lead in their families and communities, and because so many men have struggled to understand their value, Manlihood exists to help men become better men.
Mission:
The Manlihood Mission is to Educate, Equip, and Entertain Men in an Engaging Way.
Vision:
The Manlihood vision is to create resources to educate and equip men, to foster a thriving community of men, where bonds of brotherhood and accountability form. We seek to help men be better fathers, husbands, leaders, friends. We want to build through Manlihood a financially sustainable architecture that can support itself, but also to incubate ideas and opportunities from within the Manlihood community that support our purpose and mission.
Values:
Men matter.
Family matters.
Integrity and Honor matter.
Personal Responsibility matters. (If it is to be, it’s up to me.)
Men thrive and grow in community and brotherhood with each other.
Truth is everywhere. Wisdom knows how to pick it out.
Men should value and respect women. (People should respect people.)
Perseverance, Self-control and Self-discipline are sacred and essential.
Words are powerful, and how we use them matters.
Leadership is steeped in influence and responsibility. (Everyone is a leader, and everyone should embrace and nurture that role.)
Strongman, strength coach, philosopher, and father figure to millions of YouTube followers Elliot Hulse speaks with Josh Hatcher of the Manlihood ManCast.
Modern culture is rejecting masculinity, and that rejection has been orchestrated for quite some time.
Elliott says that Marxist teachings and philosophy have greatly influenced western culture to abandon the idea of the traditional nuclear families, and the fathers place in it.
The role of the father is important in our culture
Elliot talks about the significance of a man’s influence in the home, his own experiences of rejecting his father’s strictness and toughness, only to later appreciate it when he became a father himself.
Culture must have a rite of passage to manhood.
Looking at the breakdown in modern society and family life, Elliot lays out the similarities with many ancient cultures and their rites of passage, as a boy leaves the world of the mother and joined the atonement of the father.
Elliot Hulse is not a misogynist.
He may have views on gender that run contrary to the feminist movement, and in fact, may even be a little different from my own, and the views of Manlihood as an organization. He loves and respects women, and in this interview talks about a conversation with his daughter after she found a YouTube video online accusing him of being a misogynist.
Elliot Hulse rediscovery if his Christian faith
He talks about how his Christian faith shapes his views on philosophy, the family, culture, and more, and talks about how his quest for purpose and identity and mentoring others led him back to the Christian faith of his youth.
The message of Elliot Hulse is resonating with folks who want to hear it. Almost 2 million subscribers on his Strength Camp YouTube channel, and almost 900k on his Elliot Hulse YouTube channel. It’s worth giving his message some thought and discussion.
Life is hard sometimes. We face obstacles in our path that stop our progress, hold us back, even harm us sometimes. What if those obstacles were NOT the enemy that we thought they were? What if overcoming those hardships was actually the very point of it all?
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
– Marcus Aurelius
We need to view hardship as an opportunity.
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”
– Napoleon Hill
Sometimes, we know the reason for our adversity.
The question of WHY is always running through our heads and hearts when things get hard. It’s okay to look for that. Sometimes, the answer is that we are foolish. Our own stupid choices may have caused our hardship. Sometimes, the hardship may be the result of injustice, or someone else’s bad decisions. The answer to WHY can be helpful sometimes for us to avoiding the same hardship in the future.
For example, if I eat Taco Bell at 9PM and get the runs at midnight, i can curse the adversity of the runs, or I can learn from the situation.
Sometimes we do not know the reason for our adversity.
There are times that despite our best efforts to decode or understand, the hardship before us is impossible to decipher. We look for someone to blame or hold accountable, or a way that we can avoid similar hardships in the future, but answers elude us.
It’s in these moments that we have to remember that the purpose of our suffering or the purpose of our obstacle may not be an intentionally, cosmic or divinely ordained moment, but rather a natural progression in life. Hardship will always come. That’s the way of it.
We often look at life as a force that throws things at us… we blame life, or God, or the Devil, or “the system” or whatever malevolent entity we chose. Maybe our perspective is jaded. Maybe it’s not that bad things are handed to us to hurt us. Maybe the truth of life is that SOME challenges come our way so that we can be strengthened as we overcome them?
The right question about hardship is, how can this strengthen me?
We must learn to view hardship as an opportunity for growth. An opportunity for something great to happen. That’s not so hard when it’s an easier hardship. That’s really hard when it’s accompanied with great loss and pain.
But the truth is that is the human condition. We are all living in a broken world, where broken things happen. Since the beginning of time, when sin and brokenness entered the world, perfection was broken, and broken things happen. Redemption is what happens when we allow the brokenness to be overcome.
“Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.”
– William Arthur Ward
“Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the “hero” within us is revealed.”
– Bob Riley
The secret to overcoming adversity is in not avoiding the hardship, but in facing it.
And in some cases, embracing it. Surely, there are some needless hardships that we can avoid by making better decisions – that in fact is the very nature of getting stronger in the face of adversity, in that we learn from the consequences of our mistakes. But for most hardship, enduring it, solving it, learning to bear it, learning to get help when we should, becoming strong – this is what we are supposed to do. If we avoid it – we never learn these things. We never grow. We never thrive. We never WIN.
Grit is a manly virtue that is often overlooked. Especially in a culture of instant gratification, we honestly forget the power of perseverance and resilience, and how they relate to a man achieving success.
Them That win is Them That Don’t Quit
– Harrison Ford
Purpose
Knowing your WHY can help you do any WHAT or any HOW. When a man digs into his purpose, he can use that to help him push through any obstacle.
Determination
Everything starts with a decision. When that decision or determination is made, it is the start of a mindset. When a mind is truly SET on something, it can continue to accomplish anything,
Perseverance
It’s so important no to give up… not to surrender… not to quit. Perseverance is the key. It’s not easy, nor is it simply granted by fairies or empty prayers. It take practice, and when purpose and determination are set in place, it’s possible to keep striving and pushing through the hardship.
Strength of Will
Remember that strength is a muscle that we build. While there are surely some born with stronger more stubborn wills than others, most folks have to exercise to get strong. Start small, pick a few small disciplines to practice daily, or a few small and easy bad habits to break. Keep it up, and your WILL will become stronger.
In November 2020, Josh Hatcher spoke at Open Arms Church in Bradford, PA as a part of their “By Design” series. He spoke about God’s Design for men. Below are Josh’s sermon notes.
Manliness isn’t defined by outside appearance.
Manhood isn’t just one thing. God made men with different strengths and different traits. Don’t just write yourself off as “Not Manly” because you’re different than someone else.
Women – don’t tune me out. A lot of the things I’m saying today apply to both men and women. A lot of the things I’m saying specifically ABOUT men will help you understand how to relate to men better.
But for the most part – I’m speaking to the MEN today.
God made men. And he said it was good. We learned last week that what was not good was that he was alone.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2: 18
In the King James, it says “a help meet for him.” That means “equal to him.”
Men and women both have value. Equal Value. We were made distinctly and for a purpose. God’s purpose.
But, generally speaking, Men are VERY different than women. There are things in our DNA that are hard-coded, because God made men the way we are on purpose.
Ryan Michler says: Men are created to Protect, Provide, and Preside.
Protect:
We are made in God’s image right? God is a protector! He commands us to protect the widow, the orphan, the refugee…
… When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.
Luke 12:48 NIV
This is not a series about marriage – but many of the bible’s instructions for men are within the context of a marriage relationship. I’m not saying we should treat all women like we treat our wives… certainly not. But I think God’s instructions for how we are to treat our wives gives us a glimpse into what it means to be a man.
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Peter 3: 7 NIV
Some translations say “weaker vessel” – Do not mistake “weaker” for “lesser.”
Because a man is generally stronger than a woman – he should view her not as delicate – but as precious.
A woman is a Ming Vase. A Ming Vase isn’t weak – it’s survived for thousands of years. But it is precious. We treat it with the honor and respect that it is due.
We see all through scripture commands regarding how we should treat women and children, and those who are “weaker.”
The root word “weaker” here is also used in Corinthians to describe the fact that God will use the “weaker” things to confound the wise. (weaker does not mean lesser)
“A man of honor values things rightly.” – Chuck Holton, Making Men
Our job as men is to give things the right amount of honor. Cussing out your kid because he interrupted your kill shot in Call of Duty – is that placing the proper value on the right thing? Watching porn – now that you KNOW that the women in porn are often exploited and forced into that industry.. Is that placing the value on the right thing? Turning a blind eye to injustice…. Is that valuing things rightly? WE ARE MADE TO PROTECT.
PROVIDE
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
Don’t you remember the rule we had when we lived with you? “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” And now we’re getting reports that a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings are taking advantage of you. This must not be tolerated. We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don’t slack off in doing your duty.
2 Thessalonians 3:10
Butthurt Disclaimers for you — Just because your wife makes more than you does not mean you are less of a man. — If you are disabled and can’t work to provide for yourself I’m not condemning you or judging your situation – what CAN you do to contribute to your family and community?
Your job is to make sure that God’s provision gets to your family.
Your job is to not be a mooch, and to earn your keep.
I’m not shaming needy people. I understand what it’s like to need help. But I am saying – your goal should be able to provide for your own needs and the needs of your family.
It must suck to have to pay child support. It must really suck to be a kid whose dad resents taking care of him.
Preside: RULE
Men are called to walk in AUTHORITY and LEADERSHIP, in their homes, jobs, communities, churches.
Let’s talk about what this is not:
…Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.
Genesis 3:16(b)
This is NOT a command for men’s authority. This is the curse. (Story about a little kid getting caught with chewing tobacco. Dad says, if you’re gonna chew it – you better chew all of it. Kid gets sick and pukes. Is the PUKE what God wants?)
Don’t confuse the curse for a special privilege for us men. It is not: “Eve screwed up, now I’m the Boss.”
This is about the consequences of sin. There will be tension and contention between men and women because of sin. That’s not the blessing. That’s the curse.
While we’re here – let’s talk about Adam’s ROLE in the fall. Where was he? Why did he let her eat of the fruit? Why did he LISTEN to her when she said to eat it?
Adam ABDICATED his responsibility. If he had done his job, Eve might not have sinned. When she did – he BLAMED her. He BLAMED God.
This is not what leadership is. In fact –
Leadership is RESPONSIBILITY.
If someone in your family screws up, you’re responsible to make it right.
Leadership is about SERVICE.
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28 NIV
Leadership is NOT Lordship.
Nor is it exclusive to men. You don’t have to be “the boss” to be a leader. And in your homes – while I do believe there is a biblical order in which the father and husband has authority – this does not mean that women are not leaders! –
If we look at the Bible’s picture of the ideal woman in Proverbs 31 – it’s very clear that a woman has leadership too. We lead together.
But as a man – I bear more responsibility.
Be strong, and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight.”
2 Samuel 10:12 NIV
The King James Version says: “Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people”
The one and ultimate motivation for everything I do in my life, every hardship I encounter, every boulder that needs to be pushed up a cliff, is the endless, unrelenting need to prove my own abilities to myself.
Mindset alone isn’t enough to motivate men.
Motivation is a muddy and unreliable thing. It can push you out of a state of mental and physical inertia, but it can also serve as an addiction to self-improvement messages that keeps you from actually doing the self-improvement that needs to be done. Many people find motivation is places where there is little true value to be found.
Instagram posts about “grinding” and “hustling” can get you pumped at that moment, maybe even push you to get something done in your life. But that motivation is short-lived and ultimately meaningless. Because it does not draw from your life and your life experiences.
Other people find motivation in achieving a certain goal.
They see a mountaintop they wish to reach, and then work on their discipline and mental and physical abilities. They keep pushing until they reach it. This is a standard type of motivation for men. We evolved to be seekers, always looking for a new challenge to overcome, a barrier to destroy, a dragon to kill and a princess to save. Yet, this kind of motivation, while being natural and productive, is also very short-lived.
Even when there is an infinite amount of mountaintops, not all of them will be as beautiful and desirable to a man. While a man might give all of himself to reach one of those mountaintops, he might make it– the other mountaintop might not be as motivating to reach. Thus, this kind of motivation inconsistent and lacking in many ways.
There is yet, a third kind of motivation for a man.
Some of us are motivated by proving other people wrong.
A sentiment and mindset well-encompassed in the phrase: “Let them mock, let them laugh, let them doubt and disbelieve and let them watch as you prove them wrong.” This is a strong message and a strong and masculine mindset to adopt. Many men have accomplished great things with this mindset motivating them to give all of themselves to the fight.
The thing I dislike about this mindset as a source for motivation is that, even though this is an internal source of motivation, it is still focused on the opinions and perceptions of other people.
I am a firm believer that, to a good man, opinions of people who are not his family or his tribe, should not matter at all. This is a mindset mostly adopted by people who were bullied or harassed in their younger years, having faced oppression from people who had physical or metaphorical power over them. This is why this mindset brings such a powerful motivating force to a man’s work, because it stems from his experiences and overcoming not a challenge in front of him but a challenge inside of him.
Prove it to yourself
The motivation that I personally use is similar to the previous one I’ve discussed. The motivational mindset of “Proving it to yourself.” This is also rooted in a man’s personal experience of life. But, instead of a focus on the beliefs and opinions of other people, it’s focused on striving to achieve a state of confidence and certainty in one’s own masculine ability to accomplish what one said he will accomplish.
Doing what you say you will do is a strong form of masculine integrity. To have a mindset of proving to yourself that you indeed have that integrity and that ability to do the things that need to be done well and without procrastination will lead to the development of your sense of duty to your own life and confidence and self-esteem in your interactions with other.
Veljko Uskovic I am a 21 year old software engineer and blogger, speaking my truth to the world. Growing up in a society which I recognize as decadent and flawed, with many men failing to fulfil their purpose and being led by false doctrines.
I found myself in need of true wisdom and guidance in regard to being a good man. My blog represents my thoughts and lessons I’ve learned on my path to living a life of positive struggle and growth as a man, I had no one to teach me the things I am teaching myself and I hope that I can help young men as myself to find their way in a world of lies. Escaping depression and meaninglessness through meaningful work and through the development of a healthy and masculine mindset. Check out my blog: The Wolf with the Keyboard
