Fatherhood isn’t for the faint of heart. So many dads struggle to connect with their kids in a meaningful way, and while I think our generation is striving to do better than the generation before us, there’s always room for improvement.
Be Present and involved
Your family needs you more than they need your paycheck. I’m not saying you shouldn’t work to provide, I’m saying – you should make sure that you are present. It’s better to have a little less than it is to have a lot of stuff, and no time with them.
And don’t just be present, but be involved. Change diapers, help with feeding, read to them, tuck them in. As they get older, play with them, teach them, work with them, and make sure that you’re not a disconnected dad out in the garage trying to hide from them.
Have Fun
Your home should be filled with laughter and fun. Even teenagers need to play. Even adult children need to play! So play, laugh, and go on adventures often!
Be Strict
It almost sounds counter to everything we see in today’s culture that being a strict parent with clear rules and consequences is actually a good thing. But i firmly believe it’s true. Establish your code of ethics and rules in your home. Establish clear discipline and consequences for breaking that code. Enforce firmly, but with mercy and patience.
Be loving
Hug and kiss your kids. Praise your kids. Tell them you love them everyday. Make “I Love you” the most commonly spoken words under your roof.
Speak more praise than criticism
This doesn’t mean you can’t correct – but it does mean, you need to praise them for the good things they do as often as you can. Even when offering correction – find something to praise them for.
Do you struggle with addiction or know someone who does? Are you looking for hope and inspiration to overcome the challenges life throws at you? Then this episode of the Manlihood ManCast is just what you need! Host Josh Hatcher sits down with special guest Tim Holloway, to discuss his journey of overcoming addiction and how his faith in Jesus and Stoic Principles played a major role in his transformation.
Tim Holloway has an incredible story to tell. At just 14 years old, he was addicted to drugs, dropped out of school, ran away, became homeless, and ended up as a ward of the court. However, Tim’s life took a turn for the better when he discovered the gospel of the kingdom and got radicalized. He not only became sober, but he also created a six-figure business in his first year of sobriety. Tim is now the founder and host of The Stoic Entrepreneur Podcast and the COO of Podcast Powertrain, and he is using his platform to help others on their journey to success.
Tim explains how God transformed his life from a dark place to a place of hope and resilience. Tim also shares what he did to get to where he is now, and how you too can overcome addiction and achieve your goals.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to overcome addiction or find inspiration to overcome any challenge life throws at you. Tim Holloway’s story is proof that no matter where you come from or what obstacles you face, you can overcome them and achieve greatness.
Listen to this inspiring episode of the Manlihood ManCast now and learn from Tim Holloway.
This episode features Josh Hatcher, Dan Robinson, and Abe Hatcher talking about Christmas vs Thanksgiving, Keeping Christmas Simple, and How to Ace a Job Interview The guys get deep and personal with some other things as well – it’s a great episode. Give it a listen! For more from Abe Hatcher: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiyw… For More From Josh Hatcher at Manlihood.com https://manlihood.comhttp://joshhatcher.com
Jeff Goins is a Best Selling Author, podcaster, speaker, and creator. He talks with Josh Hatcher about his work, what it means to be a man, and how a man can use creativity to better express and understand his emotions.
Jeff says a man has to understand that masculinity is expressed both in strength and in softness, and it’s important for us to truly know and understand when each is needed, especially in the context of our families and loved ones.
“I’ll be down in a just a minute, honey. I need to finish this. It’s important.”
Important is a slide rule.*
*Only Gen X and above have any idea what I’m talking about when I say “slide rule.”
A Bell Curve. A Sliding Scale. Common core math may not have taught the concept. Sorry. Maybe I can explain it better.
What we value as important is often dependent upon the situation we are in.
That call from work about the TPS reports is important. But not as important as your kid is in the ER.
Moments of crisis, moments of trial, and heartache, sometimes leave us shaken. Imagine going back to work and listening to someone drone on about profits and production when your dad is on life support….
Imagine missing your child’s entrance into the world because you had to work overnights.
Paying your bills on time, getting out of debt, being fiscally responsible is important.
But if my kid needed an emergency surgery, and the family deductible isn’t met, I’d not think twice about the cost needed.
Our priorities are all screwed up.
I can’t tell you what YOUR priorities need to be, or which order they need to be. Heck, sometimes they bounce a little. Sometimes you gotta work a little extra. Sometimes you gotta shuffle and juggle to get things in place. That’s life. There is no such things as balance. At least not in the MOMENT. I think we find balance over long periods of time.
But your kid doesn’t care about your work/life balance when you miss their ball game.
Honestly, I struggle. Taking care of myself has not been a high enough priority. Especially this past year. I think I’ve happily settled into stroking my conspiracy and fear-porn glands a bit and allowed myself to camp out in the dark and seedy underbelly too much.
WAIT? IS JOSH A Q-ANON? No. But I’ll admit – there’s a draw for me to try to see behind the curtain of corruption. The former journalist in me is always connecting dots and seeing deception. I like listening to the news. I like scrolling on instagram. I LIKE reading declassified files on the CIA and FBI website, or scrolling through data dumps on WikiLeaks. There’s a side of me that is VERY interested in these things. That doesn’t mean I believe any of it. But I like to look for the truth under the surface that seems to get ignored.
It’s my dark side.
I can’t tell you how many blog posts I’ve written in my head that expose the actual true things that I’ve learned (cutting through the hyperbole of the extremist websites, and the smoke and mirrors of the main stream press) – but I realize that going down that rabbit hole is not IMPORTANT.
I just went a whole weekend with Instagram deleted from my phone— with all of my notifications turned off. Not checking newsfeeds. It was hard. Digital Cocaine Withdrawal. I was itchy. LITERALLY ITCHY all weekend. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket when my phone wasn’t even within a mile of me.
There was some other stuff going on that required my attention, and my emotional involvement. My wife asked for our family to have a retreat, to focus on God, to focus on each other, and to cut everything else out.
I scrolled a couple times. I feel a bit dirty admitting it. I needed a little hit. Wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to be leaving the green pastures and going home to a full blown apocalypse. ( I didn’t. The world is still here. )
On the last night, I started to break down. All of the pressures we had been facing came crashing at me. I felt PAIN. Deep personal emotional pain. Not just from the current situations, hell…. Some of it was four decades old. I’ll get into that another time…. But I basically collapsed on the bed and sobbed quietly for twenty minutes.
My point is, THAT crap is important. The fact that I have some deep personal woundedness that I need to work through that I’ve been numbing and fuzzing out for 40 years… that’s IMPORTANT.
I keep ignoring the fact that my health is important. Well, Last October’s heart attack should have gotten my attention, right? Gawsh. I’m about as stubborn as a mule.
I think most of us don’t even THINK about our priorities. We MAY think about our values – though we live our values whether we think about them or not… but our values and our priorities are not the same thing.
To prioritize is to actively get your hands dirty and organize the crap into piles so you can deal with it.
The Eisenhower Matrix may be helpful as you evaluate tasks according to priorities.
I can’t answer it for you. I can’t tell you what should be important to YOU. But I can tell you – if you don’t take the time to really evaluate what things are important, you’ll find yourself spinning your wheels in a flinging sludge field full of cow crap, and wondering why you aren’t getting anywhere. Trust me. I know this from experience. I’m working on it. Work on it with me.
Not like Eddie Murphy Raw – on the edge and unrefined – full of curse words and a fancy leather getup.
More like, there’s a rash under my belly where my waistband rubs, and I’ve been scratching it too much, and now the skin is flaking off and bleeding, and no matter what I do it stings.
Except it’s not just my underbelly. It’s the underbelly of my whole life.
I’m coming back from a weekend away dealing with a personal family crisis. And NO – it’s none of your business.*
*If you know, it’s because I trust you to keep your yap shut and protect my family’s pain. If you don’t know – it shouldn’t be on your lips.
The past year and a half have been like a crisp denim waistband rubbing against my rash. Major life changes. (Even good changes can be hard changes.) Stupid viruses and lockdowns and non-stop fear-porn and engineered outrage. If anyone had any kind of mental weakness or infirmary, this past year has rubbed it RAW.
There are two choices for aging beef, wet and dry aging. Let’s explore the two methods.
WET AGING
Wet aging includes storing meat in sealed airtight bags under refrigeration (32°F to 34°F) up to 3 weeks. Wet aging results in traditional beef flavor and is the most common aging method.
DRY AGING
Dry aging is less common than wet aging due to the complexity and cost. Beef is stored uncovered in a refrigerated room (32°F to 34°F) under controlled humidity and air flow for up to 4 weeks. Dry aging results in distinctive brown-roasted beefy flavor.
When I think about raw meat aging, it’s hard to think about it being good.
I’ve thought a lot about what I do here at Manlihood.
There is a lot of pressure to make this all search engine perfect, so that the the artificial intelligence that governs what things are good for us and what things are bad for us know if Manlihood is good for us or bad for us. I could write a lot of blog posts like:
5 Things you need to know about being a good man!
The Truth about manhood
Masculinity Under Fire: How to preserve and protect manhood
4 Things To Make You a Better Father
And don’t misunderstand me, I may write some like that. They can be helpful, even if they are formulaic.
But maybe what we really need isn’t a steak that’s well done – it’s a steak that’s rare.
Interesting that we use “rare” to describe meat that is cooked just enough to kill the germs and worms.
Rare.
Different. Unique. Special. Treasured.
Raw.
Uncooked. Pristine. Original. Irritated.
As I get ready to launch a new season of the Manlihood ManCast, and as I build Manlihood into a bigger and better community to help men be better men, I’m reminded that my role in it is not necessarily to “polish it” or “cook it to death”
It’s better if it’s pink in the middle, and a little bloody, or a little uncomfortable.
Until July 4, 2021, Manlihood is offering our Stars and Stripes and Don’t Tread Bro patriotic t-shirts and sweatshirts, starting at $17.76
We will NOT be offering these shirts after July 4th – so if you want one, you’ll need to get it now!
Stars and Stripes
These Manlihood Patriotic shirts feature a Stars and Stripes version of our logo, and is available in multiple styles, colors, and garment options, with a basic T-Shirt starting out at $17.76
Don’t Tread on Me Shirt
These Manlihood shirts feature the Gadsden Rattler with the words “Don’t Tread Bro!” on the back!
Don’t miss out on this offer before we pull the plug on the Fourth of July!
Ask A Man is our weekly Advice Column, where we’ll collect your questions, and get responses from other coaches, counselors, experts, and guys like you.
I’m 17. I’m about to become a man. Sometimes I feel like I already am one. But I guess I know I’m not yet. What do I need to know about being a man? What’s your best advice for me as I turn the corner?
And our answers come from the following contributors:
Marty’s in-character podcast Marty’s Minute Menitations explores his own “patented” spiritual practice of MENitation; a form of guided meditation that follows the path of the unexplored masculine, cleansing us all of our bothersome toxicity and igniting the awesome power rooted in the depths of our extraordinary loins. This is a passageway into the soul that all individuals can traverse; where Marty extrapolates and MENitates on the sensitive topics of society in order to save the sacred masculine from our modern self. FOR MORE –> Marty’s Minute Menitations
Alixander Laffredo-Dietrich went from a shy guy who couldn’t even speak to his own family to a multi-bestselling Amazon author who has sold and shared the stage with politicians, pitched to executives and investors, been interviewed by FOX, CBS, and NBC, and became a public speaking rock star! He is the founder of the speaking consulting firm, Galhad, where he shows entrepreneurs and coaches how to become credible, fearless speaking rock stars to grow their business. Whether business owners are looking to generate more leads, conquer their fear of speaking, or find new clients, Alixander shows them how through the power of public speaking! FOR MORE –> FacebookInstagram
Russell Hughes, LEED AP, SIOR Professional Background Managing Principal Hughes Realty Advisors Licensed in NC, SC, GA and CA Russell has experience in negotiating office leases and build-to-suit transactions both locally and on a national level for his clients. Russell began his commercial real estate career in 1998 in Los Angeles. For the past eighteen years, he has worked with companies in the financial services entertainment, advertising, and Biotech industries, as well as Fortune 500 companies. FOR MORE: Youtube | Website
The Schoolhouse Life By Drew & Lacey Grim | You can be self-sufficient. We believe that. We want to help. If life is a schoolhouse, we can learn new things + be better every day! Join us as we are talk all things self-sufficiency! Natural health, entrepreneuring, aromatherapy, herbal medicine, homesteading, gardening, fermenting, handicrafts, permaculture, farming, regenerative living, spiritual awareness, and what it means to eat real food! FOR MORE: –> Facebook | Podcast
Virtuous Men is a project devoted to sharing the lives of men of history and fiction, and the virtues they personify. Though they were flawed and broken, they managed to achieve great things for themselves and others. We men are flawed and broken, yet we can be inspired by the example of these men of history and fiction on our way to becoming the best men we can be. FOR MORE: Instagram
I firmly believe that in order to grow as a man, we need to read. Some of the best books for men are books written by men who want to share what they’ve learned.
We have access to some of the greatest mentors we could ever have, if we would read. There are men that have felt the need to share what they know in the pages of a book, in order to invest in the lives of others. Let’s strive
“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”
– James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
“It is pleasing to human vanity to believe that one suffers because of one’s virtue; but not until a man has extirpated every sickly, bitter, and impure thought from his soul, can he be in a position to know and declare that his sufferings are the result of his good, and not of his bad qualities.”
– James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
“He who would accomplish little need sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much. He who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.”
“A man who knows who he is doesn’t need a facade. The first thing you should notice about him is his character, an internal quality that doesn’t require an ostentatious display of any kind.”
-Chuck Holton, Making Men
“A man continually looks at his environment and thinks of ways to make it better. Men view situations with an eye to fix what is broken and create value. And once they’ve assessed, men take action—whether as insignificant as picking up a burger wrapper off the ground or as daring as rescuing someone from an oncoming bus—to make things better for everybody.”
“A man who has given up his sovereignty fabricates excuses. He tells himself stories. He feeds himself lies. All of this to justify the reality that he has given away the one thing that has the potential to allow him to be the man he is meant to be: his sovereignty.”
-Ryan Michler, Sovereignty
“You think you’re safe now because the reality of doing nothing hasn’t caught up with you yet. But when it does, it will come with a vengeance. On that day, ignorance is not a successful defense strategy.”
“Each man must determine what is dear to him and what is worth sacrificing for. A transcendent cause must exist in a man’s life if he is to reach his full potential as a man. Few men today have done a thorough self-analysis to ascertain what their transcendent cause is—or even if they have one. It is time, though: time to determine what we hold dear and what is worthy of sacrifice. As men, we cannot wait until the later years of our lives to make this assessment. I urge you: do it now, and bring meaning to who you are as a man.”
-Stephen Mansfield, Mansfield’s Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self
“Manliness, in my view, is about doing. It doesn’t matter what you look like. I’m neither put off by nor in awe of the physical. I’ve known great men who are three and a half feet tall. I know an awe-inspiring man who has no arms or legs. I’ve known powerful, dynamic men who looked like women from a distance. I’ve known immoral men who had testosterone to spare. It is the doing, the deeds, the actions that make a male a man. This is good news.”
-Stephen Mansfield, Mansfield’s Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self
“My mum and dad gave me a few bits of great advice as a young boy (along with a fair amount of scolding for being an idiot, but that’s another story!), but there is one thing my late father told me that has affected my outlook and approach to life more than almost anything else, and it was this: If you can be the most enthusiastic person you know, then you won’t go far wrong.”
-Bear Grylls, A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
Behind every successful person you’ll undoubtedly find a string of failed attempts. We might not always notice the failures (as the successes tend to blind us to them), but to get to the success, those people will inevitably have had to walk through a good number of ‘failures’ first.
-Bear Grylls, A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
“…anger can trick us. If we don’t let our anger go naturally, it can become an offense we hold on to that blinds us, clouding our ability to see our own behavior clearly and causing us to become helpless. It’s like removing our hands from the wheel of our own life, and letting whoever offended us drive, while we sit meekly in the passenger seat, holding the offense in our lap.”
“I wasn’t mean; I wasn’t evil. I was nice. And let me tell you, a hesitant man is the last thing in the world a woman needs. She needs a lover and a warrior, not a Really Nice Guy.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
“Truth be told, most of us are faking our way through life. We pick only those battles we are sure to win, only those adventures we are sure to handle, only those beauties we are sure to rescue.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
If you haven’t read these books, you definitely should consider grabbing them from your local bookstore, or if they do not have them, from Amazon, or the local library.
