Until July 4, 2021, Manlihood is offering our Stars and Stripes and Don’t Tread Bro patriotic t-shirts and sweatshirts, starting at $17.76
We will NOT be offering these shirts after July 4th – so if you want one, you’ll need to get it now!
Stars and Stripes
These Manlihood Patriotic shirts feature a Stars and Stripes version of our logo, and is available in multiple styles, colors, and garment options, with a basic T-Shirt starting out at $17.76
Don’t Tread on Me Shirt
These Manlihood shirts feature the Gadsden Rattler with the words “Don’t Tread Bro!” on the back!
Don’t miss out on this offer before we pull the plug on the Fourth of July!
Ask A Man is our weekly Advice Column, where we’ll collect your questions, and get responses from other coaches, counselors, experts, and guys like you.
I’m 17. I’m about to become a man. Sometimes I feel like I already am one. But I guess I know I’m not yet. What do I need to know about being a man? What’s your best advice for me as I turn the corner?
And our answers come from the following contributors:
Marty’s in-character podcast Marty’s Minute Menitations explores his own “patented” spiritual practice of MENitation; a form of guided meditation that follows the path of the unexplored masculine, cleansing us all of our bothersome toxicity and igniting the awesome power rooted in the depths of our extraordinary loins. This is a passageway into the soul that all individuals can traverse; where Marty extrapolates and MENitates on the sensitive topics of society in order to save the sacred masculine from our modern self. FOR MORE –> Marty’s Minute Menitations
Alixander Laffredo-Dietrich went from a shy guy who couldn’t even speak to his own family to a multi-bestselling Amazon author who has sold and shared the stage with politicians, pitched to executives and investors, been interviewed by FOX, CBS, and NBC, and became a public speaking rock star! He is the founder of the speaking consulting firm, Galhad, where he shows entrepreneurs and coaches how to become credible, fearless speaking rock stars to grow their business. Whether business owners are looking to generate more leads, conquer their fear of speaking, or find new clients, Alixander shows them how through the power of public speaking! FOR MORE –> FacebookInstagram
Russell Hughes, LEED AP, SIOR Professional Background Managing Principal Hughes Realty Advisors Licensed in NC, SC, GA and CA Russell has experience in negotiating office leases and build-to-suit transactions both locally and on a national level for his clients. Russell began his commercial real estate career in 1998 in Los Angeles. For the past eighteen years, he has worked with companies in the financial services entertainment, advertising, and Biotech industries, as well as Fortune 500 companies. FOR MORE: Youtube | Website
The Schoolhouse Life By Drew & Lacey Grim | You can be self-sufficient. We believe that. We want to help. If life is a schoolhouse, we can learn new things + be better every day! Join us as we are talk all things self-sufficiency! Natural health, entrepreneuring, aromatherapy, herbal medicine, homesteading, gardening, fermenting, handicrafts, permaculture, farming, regenerative living, spiritual awareness, and what it means to eat real food! FOR MORE: –> Facebook | Podcast
Virtuous Men is a project devoted to sharing the lives of men of history and fiction, and the virtues they personify. Though they were flawed and broken, they managed to achieve great things for themselves and others. We men are flawed and broken, yet we can be inspired by the example of these men of history and fiction on our way to becoming the best men we can be. FOR MORE: Instagram
I firmly believe that in order to grow as a man, we need to read. Some of the best books for men are books written by men who want to share what they’ve learned.
We have access to some of the greatest mentors we could ever have, if we would read. There are men that have felt the need to share what they know in the pages of a book, in order to invest in the lives of others. Let’s strive
“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”
– James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
“It is pleasing to human vanity to believe that one suffers because of one’s virtue; but not until a man has extirpated every sickly, bitter, and impure thought from his soul, can he be in a position to know and declare that his sufferings are the result of his good, and not of his bad qualities.”
– James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
“He who would accomplish little need sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much. He who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.”
“A man who knows who he is doesn’t need a facade. The first thing you should notice about him is his character, an internal quality that doesn’t require an ostentatious display of any kind.”
-Chuck Holton, Making Men
“A man continually looks at his environment and thinks of ways to make it better. Men view situations with an eye to fix what is broken and create value. And once they’ve assessed, men take action—whether as insignificant as picking up a burger wrapper off the ground or as daring as rescuing someone from an oncoming bus—to make things better for everybody.”
“A man who has given up his sovereignty fabricates excuses. He tells himself stories. He feeds himself lies. All of this to justify the reality that he has given away the one thing that has the potential to allow him to be the man he is meant to be: his sovereignty.”
-Ryan Michler, Sovereignty
“You think you’re safe now because the reality of doing nothing hasn’t caught up with you yet. But when it does, it will come with a vengeance. On that day, ignorance is not a successful defense strategy.”
“Each man must determine what is dear to him and what is worth sacrificing for. A transcendent cause must exist in a man’s life if he is to reach his full potential as a man. Few men today have done a thorough self-analysis to ascertain what their transcendent cause is—or even if they have one. It is time, though: time to determine what we hold dear and what is worthy of sacrifice. As men, we cannot wait until the later years of our lives to make this assessment. I urge you: do it now, and bring meaning to who you are as a man.”
-Stephen Mansfield, Mansfield’s Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self
“Manliness, in my view, is about doing. It doesn’t matter what you look like. I’m neither put off by nor in awe of the physical. I’ve known great men who are three and a half feet tall. I know an awe-inspiring man who has no arms or legs. I’ve known powerful, dynamic men who looked like women from a distance. I’ve known immoral men who had testosterone to spare. It is the doing, the deeds, the actions that make a male a man. This is good news.”
-Stephen Mansfield, Mansfield’s Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self
“My mum and dad gave me a few bits of great advice as a young boy (along with a fair amount of scolding for being an idiot, but that’s another story!), but there is one thing my late father told me that has affected my outlook and approach to life more than almost anything else, and it was this: If you can be the most enthusiastic person you know, then you won’t go far wrong.”
-Bear Grylls, A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
Behind every successful person you’ll undoubtedly find a string of failed attempts. We might not always notice the failures (as the successes tend to blind us to them), but to get to the success, those people will inevitably have had to walk through a good number of ‘failures’ first.
-Bear Grylls, A Survival Guide for Life: How to Achieve Your Goals, Thrive in Adversity, and Grow in Character
“…anger can trick us. If we don’t let our anger go naturally, it can become an offense we hold on to that blinds us, clouding our ability to see our own behavior clearly and causing us to become helpless. It’s like removing our hands from the wheel of our own life, and letting whoever offended us drive, while we sit meekly in the passenger seat, holding the offense in our lap.”
“I wasn’t mean; I wasn’t evil. I was nice. And let me tell you, a hesitant man is the last thing in the world a woman needs. She needs a lover and a warrior, not a Really Nice Guy.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
“Truth be told, most of us are faking our way through life. We pick only those battles we are sure to win, only those adventures we are sure to handle, only those beauties we are sure to rescue.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
If you haven’t read these books, you definitely should consider grabbing them from your local bookstore, or if they do not have them, from Amazon, or the local library.
Josh McDonald in Appleton Wisconsin of the Geocaching Scripture Podcast talks about “The Hall of Faith” in Hebrews 11, threatens to punch us in the face of we call it that, and talks about the goal of being forgotten.
Spring is in the air. The smell of mud and the opening of tree buds just seems to wake up not only the world outside our windows, but it seems to awaken something in us.
Men, let’s take advantage of the natural cycle of the universe to reinvigorate our lives!
Start by refreshing your mind.
1. Read Books. Are there books that would help you to break through any particular areas of your life? Any information that you need to learn?
To refresh your mind, I recommend reading a book of fiction – something exciting and adventurous. Something non-fiction – maybe self-help, or a biography of someone you admire. And read a book of poetry! You might not be a poetry person – but I think there’s value in the rhymes and rhythms.
2. Take inventory. Examine your attitude. Examine your behaviors. Examine your influences. What things need to change? Make a physical list of things to change, and start making it happen.
3. Get aggressive. If you notice that you have been negative – make it a point to fight against the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive thoughts. Make a concerted effort to practice rebuking each bad thought. (out loud, if you have to!) “No. I will not think like this way!”
Reboot Your Body
I’m in the process of losing weight – and so I’m particularly aware of my body right now.
But i do know this – our bodies do respond to the seasons! During the winter time, it’s not unusual to pack on a few extra pounds, as we fight off the cold and are often less active.
A reboot in the spring is a great way to get things moving, and add a little more energy into your life as a whole.
I’ve found that adding movement to my routine helps me to fight off depression, keeps my focus on track, and just in general, makes me feel better!
Here are some tips for your body reboot.
1. Revisit your eating plan.
If you aren’t regularly tracking your calories, tracking them at least for a few weeks gives you a good snapshot of what your diet looks like, and if you need to adjust it. Use an app like fitbit or myfitness pal to see how many calories you should be eating, and how many you are eating. Remember – if weight loss is your goal, you have to burn more than you take in. If you want to bulk up- you’ll need to make adjustments to your diet as well. Consider paying a few bucks to meet with a nutritionist.
2. Fasting
This isn’t for everybody – but many people say that a three day fast from solid food, or maybe fasting from a particular kind of food for a week helps them to reset their cravings. There are some mental and spiritual benefits too, as the act of delaying your cravings tends to build a different layer of focus in your life. Don’t try this if you have any health issues, or without talking to a doctor.
3. Change your workout.
Fitness folks call them “plateaus” – those times when you stop losing weight (or stop building muscle) despite all your hard work. Sometimes, you need to radically change your routine to shock your body back into performance mode.
I’ve found in general, if I do the same thing all the time, I get bored with it anyway.
Take a hike instead of the treadmill. Swim instead of yoga. Mix up your strength training to try something different.
Reimagine Your Situation
The winter is in your mind.
You know those times when everything has gone WRONG for so long, and you feel like you just can’t get a win? When you’re tired of just going through the motions? When you feel weary from the road?
Take a minute and fast forward to your desired outcome. What does your life look like if you were to lose the weight? What does your marriage look like if you fix the problems? What do your kids look like when they grow up?
Try not to imagine the worst case scenario, but the best one. Then trace your steps back to where you are standing. What steps do you have to make to get there? What changes do you have to make? What sacrifices and hard work will you have to put in?
These rough patches sometimes feel permanent -but they usually aren’t. Especially if you are taking the time to imagine a better path, and to make the changes and put in the work to get there.
Reignite Your Spirit
Many men have a hard time with the spiritual. They struggle with the idea that spirit exists. Why? Because it’s not knowable. It’s not tangible. And talk of the spiritual gets muddied up by 18 million different religious viewpoints.
I may subscribe to one of those viewpoints, and I’m sure my writing will reflect it. But I’m not here to preach about why my viewpoint is right and others are wrong. (even if I do believe so)
What I’m here to do – is to tell you that the spiritual is real, and you’ve got to keep that fire going. Inside each of us is a spirit that drives us. It’s fueled by creativity, art, poetry, beauty. It’s fueled by thought, conversation, reading.
If you neglect the spiritual part of you, the rest of you will feel hungry for purpose and passion.
How do you reignite it, after a long “winter”?
1. Do what makes you feel alive.
I’m not saying, “ do whatever you want” or “just make yourself happy”
I’m saying, there are moments in your life when you felt alive. For me – it’s often when I’m performing music on stage, speaking to a large group of people, hiking in the woods, or writing. You might feel alive tossing the football in the backyard, hunting that big buck, or building a house. Take some time to identify what makes you feel alive – and do more of it.
2. Define or revisit your code.
Spirituality has a code of ethics. That’s why religion usually has a list of do’s and don’ts…. Because morality is closely tied with the spiritual. I know. People don’t like to think about it. I’ve already lost some of you – who can’t handle the fact that anyone would dare tell you to be moral. Take the time to define your code of ethics, or to revisit that code to make sure it lines up with who you are.
3. Try something new.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone, and doing something NEW can give you a fresh perspective, and open you up to seeing things from a spiritual perspective. I think the thrill of pushing yourself a little harder, coupled with the rewards of a calculated risk can often help you see things in a new light.
Spring is here. It’s time for a renewal. Why not take this time to renew yourself as well?
In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher talks about what it means to be a Gatekeeper.
Men have a special role in their families that they often neglect. There are outside forces that influence your families – and what comes into your home needs to go through you. You are the keeper of the gate – the man who determines what influences are allowed to pass through.
Media
The truth is – our culture has a number of voices shouting a number of messages – many of them are contrary to the values that we have established in our homes. I know our values are different from home to home – but I often wonder why if we have ever thought about just what those values are – and if we have thought about what an impact opposing voices can have on our values.
For example – if you have daughters, you may want them to keep their sexuality reserved for later in life. We want them to be valued for their minds, and not their bodies. We want them to see their natural beauty, and know that they aren’t supposed to be measured by what society determines is beautiful – And yet – we allow them to listen to music that is encouraging a different attitude about sexuality, and we allow them to watch movies that demean women, and we let them read magazines that reinforce false ideas about real beauty.
We raise our sons to exercise self-control – and yet we allow them to watch television shows that portray a lack of self-control as a noble thing.
Let me encourage you to be the gatekeeper in your home. Identify what truths and values you want to uphold – and limit media that contradicts this. It doesn’t mean you have to shut all media out – and some media can be countered with lots of good conversation about your values – but some things just don’t have business in your homes! Your family may HATE you for enforcing family “censorship” – but if you are careful, and if you communicate clearly, and compassionately – I think you’ll be able to smooth that out.
Mindsets
Mindsets are like fortresses. The way a person thinks will determine the life he lives.
As a gatekeeper – it’s your job to understand the way your family thinks – and to correct the attitudes that you see that are contrary to the truth, and to your values.
If your daughter says, “I am so ugly.” It’s up to you to correct that, and tell her the truth.
If your son displays a negative attitude about doing his chores – you need to correct that.
If YOU have a bad attitude – you need to correct that.
You can try to correct behavior – but long before behavior happens, a mindset happens. You can not only correct bad mindsets, but you can build good mindsets, by speaking the truth at every opportunity!
Mouths
Mindsets are not only revealed by speech and behaviors – but they are sometimes established because of them.
It’s up to you to determine which words you allow to be spoken in your home. Don’t allow your family to insult each other – or to denigrate themselves or others.
Many families have made “Shutup” or “Stupid” bad words. You might find yourself correcting your kids when they insult each other – or your spouse when she says “I can’t”….
Regardless – you need to take your role seriously as a gatekeeper – so that your home is a haven for the kind of speech that builds each other up.
Money
I’ll be honest – I’m not the greatest at numbers or managing money – but my wife and I have a system that works – and she handles most of the financial duties. We discuss it together, and we make decisions together – but we work according to our strengths to get things done.
What are your financial values? How will you spend your money? Do you have a budget? The way you manage your money will influence the way your children manage theirs. So setting an example now will make a difference later.
I’d encourage you to check out Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, or some other similar program so that you can learn some financial management principles.
But the basic principles you should understand:
You will never have “enough” money. If you make more, you spend more. So use what you have wisely.
Live within your means. If you aren’t, you have to spend less, or make more.
Debt is expensive. It costs a LOT to borrow.
Charity reminds us to treasure what we have
Nothing is an emergency if you plan for it.
Media / Mindsets /.Mouths / Math – As the Gatekeeper in your home – all of these things have to get by you. It’s up to you to draw lines, keep the riff raff out, and to protect your family from harmful influences on the outside, and from harmful attitudes and behaviours on the inside.
In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher talks about the question of WHEN.
It’s really a question of when.
When to be vulnerable / when to be tough.
If you’ve listened to my other podcasts, you know I’m not a fan of the word vulnerable. I prefer authenticity. But that’s another episode, and you can go listen to it yourself.
For the sake of clarity – let’s use the use the word vulnerable.
When should you be vulnerable, and show your weaknesses, and how does that contrast to when you should steel your resolve and show your strength?
I think it’s important to have a trusted circle of people who see and know your struggles and your vulnerabilities. Even men need a friend they can cry with on a very rare occasion. You don’t have to trust EVERYBODY. But you should be working on building the kind of relationships that support your vulnerabilities. Think about a Danish Shield Wall on the battlefield. They’re all pretty exposed from behind, but they work together to fend off attackers.
Sometimes, you have to suck it up. You have to put the emotion and the weakness on the shelf, and face the battles head on.
Understanding WHEN is sometimes harder than doing it. I think the decision has to be made in a way with the people you are with in mind. Are they trustworthy? Do they have your back? Do you legitimately need help from them?
You can’t live your life as an island, portraying a false image of yourself as strong all the time. At the same time, you can’t constantly be an emotional ball of wax, melting at the slightest offense or struggle, and unable to function. (Sometimes, you just might be that. And it’s okay to ask for help. But it’s not okay to stay there.)
The answer here has more to do with who you trust and who you surround yourself with, than it does with you. When do you be tough? When you can! When do you be vulnerable? When you NEED to be, and only with those you can trust. And if you aren’t building those relationships with people – they won’t be there when you need them.
When to be quiet / when to speak up
Sometimes, the question of when has to do with when do I open my mouth to speak? When do I point out what I perceive to be true, when it seems to be none of my business?
This one is not ever easy, and the scale is sliding.
Start by measuring things within the context of relationships. Does the thing I have to say HELP someone? Does the thing I have to say HURT someone? Weigh it carefully, because sometimes it does both.
Someone is in danger – a kid, an abused spouse, etc… always say something! Someone looks ugly – probably should never say something!
Someone is correcting their kid harshly, but not abusing them… it depends on your relationship with them if you should call them out. (Definitely in private, though!)
Also – speak up in person. Not via text message. Don’t think that confronting someone over text will ever go well. It almost never does. Text doesn’t have tone. Text doesn’t have body language or eye contact, so your message can be reinterpreted differently.
While I tend to be a person who calls people on their crap, and the friend that lets the other friend know he has a booger on his face – I’ve found that in general, I need to shut up more.
You may be someone who needs to speak up more, rather than shut up. I wish I could tell you the exact answer on this one – but I’ll tell you this.
Make sure that your motivation is good. Speak because you care about people. Speak with the goal of fixing things. Speak with honesty AND love in mind.
