How One Man Broke Free from Porn After 34 Years: A Conversation with Yeadon Smith
This week on Manlihood: a podcast for men, I sat down with someone whose honesty, vulnerability, and courage will resonate deeply with a lot of guys. Yeadon Smith, coach and co-founder of Porn to Purpose, shares how he struggled with pornography for 34 years, why he couldn’t stop, and how he finally found real freedom, emotional clarity, and a restored sense of purpose.
Watch or listen to the episode right here:
Breaking the Silence: Addiction, Shame, and the Road Back to Connection
“The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. It’s connection.”
That’s how Yeadon opens the conversation—one sentence that reframes nearly everything men have been taught about addiction and recovery.
For decades, he tried white-knuckling it.
He prayed harder.
Fasted.
Read more scripture.
Repented more intensely.
None of it worked.
Because, as he explains:
“I didn’t have a porn problem. I had a pain problem. And porn was the pill I took for the pain.”
His first exposure happened at age eight, and from that moment, pornography became a way to escape the pressure and emotional turmoil he felt growing up in a rigid, fear-driven religious environment.
“I grew up in a cult. Fear, guilt, shame—that was the water we lived in. Sex was evil. Desire was evil. So when I found porn, something clicked. For a moment, all the pressure disappeared.”
But that moment never lasted, and the shame always followed.
Why Porn Isn’t Harmless
At one point in the conversation, I challenged him with a question a lot of guys quietly ask themselves:
“What’s the big deal? Who am I even hurting?”
Yeadon didn’t hesitate.
1. Porn rewires your brain.
Modern pornography is engineered to hijack your dopamine system and condition your sexual response in ways no real relationship can replicate.
“Real life can’t compete with the 4K fantasy. You’re training your brain for something your partner can never replicate.”
2. It harms real people.
Behind the scenes is an industry fueled by coercion, manipulation, exploitation, and in many cases, trafficking.
“If the demand exists, someone supplies it. And the industry destroys people from the inside.”
It’s not judgment—it’s reality.
When Religious Shame Makes Everything Worse
As someone still deeply invested in the church world, I recognize the tension men feel around this topic.
And Yeadon saw it firsthand as a former youth pastor:
“At church, sex-related sin sits at the very top. You can gossip all day and nobody cares. Admit you looked at porn, and you might lose your job, your reputation, your community.”
For many men, the fear of being exposed is more overwhelming than the addiction itself.
So they hide.
And hiding keeps them stuck.
Yeadon emphasizes that his breakthrough didn’t come from trying harder spiritually—it came from finally finding a safe community where he could speak truth without judgment.
Freedom Begins in Brotherhood
About two and a half years ago, Yeadon joined the Porn to Purpose Liberation Bootcamp, led by his now-partner Matt Sinkovitz (a past guest on Manlihood as well).
For the first time in his life, he had:
- A structured framework for understanding addiction
- A group of men who wouldn’t judge him
- Tools for emotional awareness
- Accountability without shame
And the transformation began.
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces.”
The healing didn’t come from secrecy—it came from connection.
Learning to Feel Again: The REAL Work of Recovery
This conversation isn’t just about quitting porn.
It’s about becoming a man who can handle his emotions with strength and clarity.
Yeadon shares how often he spiraled from minor triggers—like watching a simple romantic scene on a TV show:
“I walked downstairs and felt like my whole life was collapsing. My brain spun this story: ‘Why doesn’t my wife look at me like that?’ And then I realized—it was just a thought. Not reality.”
Through meditation, journaling, breathwork, and brotherhood inside the bootcamp, he learned how to:
- Notice emotions instead of running from them
- Identify triggers before they became dangerous
- Respond rather than react
- Sit with discomfort without reaching for a “pain pill”
His journey is a powerful example of how emotional awareness—not just discipline—is the foundation of true masculinity.
Defining Masculinity
When I asked him, “What does it take to be a man?”
Yeadon gave one of the clearest answers I’ve heard:
“A man has the capacity to sit with uncomfortable emotions without reacting.”
That is masculinity—defined.
Not bravado.
Not posturing.
Not emotional shutdown.
But strength under control.
Presence with purpose.
A man who feels, thinks, and chooses with intention.
This is what masculinity is.
And this is the kind of man we are all called to become.
Healing the Boy Inside
One of the most powerful moments in the episode came when I asked what he’d say to his 10-year-old self if he could go back in time.
His answer:
“You’re not broken.
You’re not a pervert.
You’re not evil.
You’re scared.
And you’re loved.”
Every man carries that inner boy.
Every man needs that reassurance.
And every man has the chance to begin healing.
If You’re Struggling — You’re Not Alone
This story isn’t meant to shame anyone.
It’s meant to give hope.
Freedom is possible.
Connection is possible.
Healing is possible.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Connect with Yeadon and Porn to Purpose:
Website: https://porntopurpose.com
Download the Liberation Bootcamp Framework: https://porntopurpose.com
Find Yeadon on Facebook: search “Yeadon Smith”
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