At Manlihood.com, we don’t want to be like Esquire, GQ, or Maxim. We have a different moral compass and a different motivation than other men’s magazines. But that doesn’t mean we have to be afraid to talk about sexuality. This month, we’re going to talk about how to reignite your sex life with your spouse. Disclaimer: I may be a little old fashioned. My perspective on sex may be filled with assumptions about marriage as the primary conduit for sexual activity. This doesn’t mean I’m judging anyone who does it differently. I’ll leave it up to you how you apply these blog posts.
If you want to ignite the romance, you need to fuel the fire. Meet her needs. What is it that she needs? What do women really want?
1. Security –
This is true in so many levels. Dave Ramsey talks about how women have a security gland that needs to be stimulated every now and then – and it’s true. Financially – women need to know that they aren’t going to lose everything – that they aren’t going to the poorhouse.
While SOME women are stronger and more powerful, or even more financially secure than man – it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a deep need for security. You might not even be the one that provides the security. But I can tell you this – you can help do your part to manage it. You can’t control how she feels, or really fix her insecurities – but you can be conscious of the security that she needs, and find ways to help her feel it.
2. Respect –
You wouldn’t think that anyone has to say it out loud – but we do. And often.
Somewhere a long the line, mysogyny became commonplace – and then in response to it – feminism got almost just as ugly.
Let’s establish a few benchmarks.
She is not beneath you.
You are not better than her.
You should treat her better than you treat yourself.
Don’t hit her, belittle her, mock her, or talk badly about her.
Funny what happens when you make the decision to always be on her side.
3. A Break –
Especially if you’ve got kids. She needs a chance to breathe. Get her out and take a walk on a local trail. Find some nature, and give her a spot to sit in the sun while YOU take the kids over to the playground. Get a hotel room out of town away from all of the crazy for a night.
For some reason, we expect women to work outside the home, AND do all the household chores. So tell her that YOU will cook dinner tonight, and she can watch The Voice.
4. Friendship –
Not just from you. She needs to have people that she trusts and can unpack and unload her mind with. She DOES need you to be her friend – but she also needs other women to connect with. Don’t be jealous if she has a friendship with another man – but my recommendation is that cross-gender friendships should be friends that you have together, or friends that you deal with publicly, and not privately.
Either way – make sure she has good friends in her life, and be careful with being jealous of a little time with her “girlfriends.”
5. Backup –
No matter what – you’ve got her back. Even if she makes a bad decision – you need to be on her side. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with the bad decision – but she does need to know you are there with her and for her.
Don’t let the kids win. Don’t talk bad about her to the kids. Don’t let your mother run her mouth about her.
You wouldn’t think that all of these things have anything to do with better sex – but they DO. Try it and see. When you meet those needs, she’s going to love you more deeply.