Things Men Don’t Want to Talk About: The Past
This can be related to last week’s episode about sexual abuse – or even about other kinds of abuse – but it’s not just that.
All of us have a past. Our own mistakes, our own flaws, or hard things we’ve had to endure.
It’s hard for us to look back there.
Men are fixers. We want to focus on what we can change. It doesn’t help to look at things we can’t change.
I know that if I look at my own past, I’ve got a lot of mistakes that I’ve made that I regret. A lot of people I’ve hurt, stupid things I’ve said or did…
Sometimes, when I try to fall asleep at night, all of those things come back to haunt me. I have an auditory memory. So I can replay conversations I had in my head from ten years ago. And I hear all the stupid things I said, and I feel like a jerk.
No. I don’t want to talk about the past. I don’t want to talk about what I did – or what others did.
I can’t change it. I can’t fix it.
I want to focus on today. I want to focus on the future. I can change those. I can influence those. I can fix those.
We can’t change the past – but if we just refuse to talk about it – we’re going to make the same mistakes.
Our failures, and our wounds from the past have a great sway on the decisions we make.
Like a weight on a chain behind us. We take it with us – all the while trying to pretend it didn’t happen.
You’ve got to deal with your past.
You’ve got to make amends, be honest, get to the root of why we think and react the way we do if we intend to make a better future for ourselves.
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