In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about some of the manliest history about Saint Nicholas.
Santa Claus may be shrouded in myth, but the real Man in Red was quite the manly man. According to history and legend, there are a number of stories that paint “Jolly Old Saint Nick” in a slightly different light than we see on the Christmas Cards.
That Time Santa Claus hit a heretic in the face.
Once, during a religious debate, another man denied the divinity of Christ. That was, according to many sources, just too much for Nicholas.
(via St. Nicholas Center)
Arius, from Egypt, was teaching that Jesus the Son was not equal to God the Father…As Arius vigorously continued, Nicholas became more and more agitated. Finally, he could no longer bear what he believed was essential being attacked. The outraged Nicholas got up, crossed the room, and slapped Arius across the face.
Some legends refer to the strike as a punch, and say that it resulted in a bloody nose, but at the very least, most historians tend to agree that some kind of physical altercation occurred, in which Father Christmas struck a blow for sound doctrine.
While I can’t condone hauling off and smacking someone who disagrees with your theology, I do kind of respect Nicholas a little more knowing that he was passionate about what he believed.
That time he saved three daughters from being sold into prostitution
300AD was a different time. In those days, no respectable man would marry a woman without a monetary gift from her father. If he couldn’t pay for her dowry, she was often sold into slavery, or prostitution.
It was a different time, with different customs, and while it seems barbaric to us today… well.. It was barbaric. Nevermind. I won’t try to excuse it. Apparently, Good Ole’ Saint Nick felt the same way, because he took action against that barbaric practice in at least one instance.
via St. Nicholas Center)
There was a man, once rich, who had fallen on hard times. Now poor, he had three daughters of an age to be married…This poor man’s daughters, without dowries, were therefore destined to be sold into slavery, or worse…Coming in secret by night, [Saint Nicholas] tossed a bag of gold into the house. It sailed in through an open window landing in a stocking left before the fire to dry…The first daughter soon wed.
Rescuing damsels in distress is a pretty manly thing to do.
Ending sex slavery is also a manly thing to do!
Want to help end human trafficking? Here’s how you can be like St. Nick.
That time he solved a grisly murder and did a miracle
Keep in mind that in order to be considered a “Saint” according to Catholic tradition – a person must have performed documented miracles. Regardless of whether you believe in the veracity of miracles – stories like this are interesting. (Personally, I do believe in supernatural miracles. I’m perfectly okay if you think this makes me crazy. I’ve seen too many of them to deny their existence. But that’s another conversation for another day.)
Via St. Nicholas Center)
[Three lost children] came to a lighted butcher’s shop, knocked and said, “We are lost and hungry. May we eat and sleep?” “Oh, yes,” came the reply, “do come in.”
As they enter, the butcher takes a sharp knife, cuts them up, and puts them in a large salting tub. Seven years pass.
A knock comes on the door. Bishop Saint Nicholas appears, saying to the evil butcher, “Open your large salting tub!” The saint puts his hand on the tub and, appealing to God, says, “Rise up, children.” The little children awake and stand up. Their families joyfully welcome them home.
Again – whether or not the story actually happened is irrelevant. It’s still a cool story. And it’s cool to think of Santa Claus as doing ACTUAL good in the world, not just giving kids cheap plastic toys made in China and WAY too much chocolate.
Speaking of chocolate – Santa would probably be pretty pissed off about the chocolate industry today.
That time he told a storm at sea to take chill pill and it listened
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors – most likely because of this story.
(Via St. Nicholas Center)
Nicholas foresaw that a violent storm was coming, although no one else suspected this. After he warned the crew, at once black clouds appeared in the sky and a violent storm arose, churning up the sea. Everyone was afraid and they all begged Nicholas to rescue them. They cried out, “Unless you pray to God to save us, we will be swallowed up by the sea!”
Encouraging the passengers and crew to put their hope in God, the saint sent up fervent prayers to the Lord. At once the waters became calm, and the passengers were filled with joy. A fair wind filled the sails, and the boat sailed quickly and safely to Alexandria in Egypt. For this reason, and because of other miracles brought about by Saint Nicholas at sea, he was eventually named the patron saint of sailors all over the world.
This story is familiar – as something very similar happened to Jesus in the New Testament. As I said before – regardless of your belief in miracles, this is still a cool story.
According the biblical and church history, it’s not unusual for the followers of Jesus to do the same kinds of miracles that Jesus did. Jesus spoke of “all authority” being given to him. He later told his followers that he was giving them “all authority.” While Nicholas didn’t know Jesus, he chose to walk away from a life of luxury to live a life of charity and kindness. He was a privileged kid who decided to follow the path of Jesus…. So it makes sense that the same authority would apply, right?
Nicholas wasn’t some soft fat guy sitting at the mall while a hundred kids made demands. He spoke with authority – so strongly that winds and waves shut the hell up at his request.
Let’s strive for a little of that kind of authority in our lives! Speak boldly to the frightening circumstances in your life, and tell them to shut the hell up!
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about some of the manliest history about Saint Nicholas.
Santa Claus may be shrouded in myth, but the real Man in Red was quite the manly man. According to history and legend, there are a number of stories that paint “Jolly Old Saint Nick” in a slightly different light than we see on the Christmas Cards.
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In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about a few different V Words that are important for men to understand. Some we need to embrace, some we need to reject.
Validation
We all want validation. We all want someone to give us that validation or respect. But ultimately, we have to give it to ourselves.
Vigilance
We have to be ever vigilant, we need to be aware of what’s going on around us. Vigilant against threats internal and external.
Vengeance
Vengeance is destructive. We need to avoid this. Justice is good. Reconciliation is good. Vengeance is destructive.
Victimhood
We’re living in a time where being a victim is almost revered.
Victory
We all want to win. We want to be victorious. It’s good for us to run the race to win it. It’s good to celebrate the wins.
Virtue
The virtuous life is a life that is guided by principle. We do the right thing. Don’t virtue signal. Just have virtue.
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about avoiding the butthurt. How can we man-the-heck-up and face our circumstances without getting our feelings hurt?
Resilience is when a man can bounce back after something hurts, rather than to stay down.
Karma comes back to those who do wrong.
Including you. Is this trouble your own fault?
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Learning to differentiate whether something SHOULD offend you or not will be one of the most valuable skills you acquire in life.
I tell people frequently that this isn’t a Christian blog. I’m a Christian though – and I find deep meaning in the teachings of Jesus. I never want anyone to think I’m forcing religion on them, but I do want people to think about the truths that are in the Bible – because no matter what you believe about it – there really is great truth in those pages.
One of these truths involves plucking out eyeballs.
Matthew 18: 7Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
The truth here is this… if we are committed to be better men – there are things we must stop doing. Mindsets we must change, behaviors we must modify.
Some of those things are easy to stop- others take extreme action. If you want to stop a behaviour, you need to do whatever it takes to stop it.
Most people that want to quit drinking, for example, aren’t willing to pour all the booze in the house down the drain, aren’t willing to stop hanging out in social situations with drinking, and aren’t willing to get checked in and get professional help. So they often don’t stop drinking.
Most people that want to stop looking at porn aren’t willing to change the way they use their computers, to install accountability software, to talk to their wife about it, or to sell their smartphone and get a flip phone.
Most people who need to lose weight aren’t willing to stop eating pizza everyday, to put in countless hours of exercise, and to make drastic lifestyle changes.
If we want to defeat our bad behavior – we have to take extreme and drastic changes… the “plucking of the eyeballs” or the “cutting off of the hand.”
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about some dark, creepy, and gross things. There’s light, even in the darkness!
Testicular Fortitude
Testicles are gross. When you really think about how they work, they’re awesome, and they are gross. All you have to do is imagine Anthony Bourdain as he travels around the world, and inevitably, someone will serve him a dish of testicles from some native species, and he always says, “It tastes like balls. They always taste the same.”
We often describe someone with GUTS or GRIT as having “intestinal fortitude”-
I like to joke that someone with BALLS has “testicular fortitude.”
Let’s explore that. First of all, I’ve known women with more testicular fortitude than you can imagine – so I don’t mean to identify courage, strength, and honor solely with masculine specific parts, but I want to emphasize that there should be a correlation to having ACTUAL testicles and having BALLS.
I always thought that my brother had the most testicular fortitude of anyone that I knew. The kid was fearless. I watched him surf down a hill of crumbling shale on a big chunk of flagstone. It flipped over and took a chunk out of his hand. He bled and cried a bit, but it was worth it to have that kind of adventure. Another time he got in a bicycle accident that ended up with him getting hit in the testicles. The doctor told him not to ride his bike for awhile. That night, after icing down his sore gonads, he climbed to the top of the swingset and started walking it like a tightrope.
That was his behavior as a kid – he does show a little more responsibility as an adult, but he certainly hasn’t suffered from any “shrinkage” of testicular fortitude.
Questions to ask the modern man
Why is it that we settle for lives of comfort and safety?
Why do we NOT say or do the things that should be said or done?
Why are we content to watch adventures on television, or to play adventures on playstations instead of having the real thing?
Should we be okay with expecting other people to protect us, and not preparing to protect ourselves?
Why do we minimize risk and then complain about the little return that we receive?
We are men in need of testicular fortitude.
Are you NOT a man of courage? Do you feel you DON’T have the balls you need? It starts by making a goal for yourself, and then doing it. Courage is a muscle – and you have to exercise it.
Start by picking something that you didn’t think you could do – and then just do it.
A few weeks ago – I walked 15 miles in one day…. something I never thought I could do!
Maybe it’s an adventure sport, or just an adventure!
Maybe it’s a fitness goal – or asking a girl on a date.
Just start building that courage by taking small steps until those steps get bigger and bigger and build confidence.
It’s almost uncommon when a man decides he wants to be a better husband. I called you today has almost eliminated any kind of self-improvement when it comes to relationships. It gets hard, so people just give up.
But we’re going to look at that question.
How can I be a better husband
Become a better listener
Men, we tend to listen just enough to hear the problem and try to fix it. Women often don’t want you to fix the problem but rather just to listen. That’s frustrating for us.
Women, on the other hand, need to talk about their feelings. And that’s okay.
But to be a better husband we need to be a better listener. There’s a degree of empathy that we have to cultivate. We need to just sit in the moment with her while she works through what she’s feeling. It’s not about feeling sorry for her. It’s about acknowledging that she has feelings.
I think this video illustrates the point very well.
Control your reactions
When we react to every stimulus and every circumstance, it creates a tension between a husband and a wife. If you want to be a better husband, learn to suppress the immediate emotional response to the stimulus that your wife is putting out.
Men, we like to think that we are not emotional, or that we are more stoic than women. We are often just as emotional and we have very emotional reactions. Our emotions usually manifest as anger and frustration.
The first step in controlling your emotions is recognizing when they happen. Make a conscious effort today to pay attention to the things that get you riled up. You have to choose to deliberately react the opposite way.
It’s going to feel weird at first. She may even pick up on the emotion behind your control and try turn it into a fight.
Take a breath and react with love rather than anger.
Reevaluate your priorities.
For many years the husband was the sole provider in his home. It is still the case in some homes.
Regardless of who brings home the bacon, here are some vestigial remnants of the days when the husband was the hunter-gatherer. Most of those remnants are thought patterns in our own minds.
We feel that we have to give our families more. We feel that they deserve a better life or better social standing or more activities or more material things.
I do believe that it’s important for us to work, and it’s important for us to be a part of providing for our family. But we have to make sure that we don’t prioritize the material things over our presence in our home.
Our families are of a higher priority than the things that we possess. Our marriage is of a higher priority than any other relationships. If you want to be a better husband make sure that you value that relationship above anything else.
Correct her gently.
Wives don’t like to be told they’re wrong.
To be fair nobody likes to be told they’re wrong. A good husband can gently correct and lead his wife when she’s making a mistake. And this goes both ways. She also can gently correct you when you’re making a mistake.
If you are overly critical, He will tear her down. If you are overly passive, she will never know that what she’s done has wronged you. There is a fine line of balance right in the middle where we are gentle, humble, and kind but also truthful.
Guard against temptation.
A friend once told me he had a deal with his wife. In their relationship, there were no barriers for him to go to strip clubs or watch porn. She said, “I don’t care where you get your appetite as long as you come home for dinner.”
Some of us might think we would appreciate that kind of “freedom.” But I know that that can be a dangerous path to tread.
Your marriage vows are sacred. If you use other women to satisfy or inflame your sexual desires, you may very well find yourself giving into the temptation of having an affair.
Adultery isn’t just an old-fashioned sin. It’s the number one cause of divorce. Some people have come to the place where they don’t even care about the wrongness of it anymore and have an open relationship, where they sleep with whoever they want.
I know I sound old-fashioned but I just don’t see that as a good thing.
If you want to preserve the sanctity of your sexual relationship, you need to train your mind to shut out external sources of sexual desire.
We’re men. We’re always going to notice beauty. But to notice and mentally acknowledge beauty has to be tempered with mental discipline. Learn to tell your mind to stop before it goes down the rabbit trail of imagination.
That may mean that you have to take away the bait. For many years, there were television shows that I couldn’t watch, because I found myself focused on the woman in the bikini or the low-cut top. It wasn’t a trashy show, but I felt attracted to the actress, and seeing her would stir up temptation. I did not have the mental discipline to watch that show, because my mind wanted more. I went back and watched the show years later, and it didn’t bother me the same as it did when I had less control.
Your situations may be different, but I do believe that the principle is the same. Don’t go to the donut shop if you can’t say no to a donut.
Get used to being wrong
A wise couple once told my wife and I that to really do marriage well, you have to ask yourself the question:
Do I want to be married, or do I want to be right?
The truth in that question is everything. There are times when you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right about something. She disagrees. Before it becomes an argument – you really have to contextualize the issue. Is it worth a fight? Can you be humble enough to let the situation play out?
Don’t say I told you so
In a follow up to the scenario I just posed – you know you’re right – and she disagrees, but you decide it’s not worth the fight. The situation comes full circle, and it is proven you were right all along…
Do you gloat? Do you find a way to get your glory? Do you say, “I told you so, honey!” You may have the upper hand, but taking glory in it is only going to push her down and build you up. That’s the opposite of how this should work.
Cosmic alignment
What does astronomy (or astrology) have to do with your marriage? Absolutely Nothing.
But I use those words for a reason. Many husbands have set their whole universe to revolve around their wife. I know I told you that she needs to be your highest priority. But if she is the sun to your planets, the center of your universe – you will cause your marriage to suffer.
If your marriage is a galaxy, you are two planets locked in orbit together around a greater gravitational force. Not a moon or a planet revolving around each other.
You each have to have friends and connections and interests apart from each other. She cannot fulfill every one of your needs. You cannot fulfill every one of hers. You need brotherhood. She needs sisterhood. You need hobbies. She needs hobbies. You need things you can do together, but you also need to have somewhere to go or something to do occasionally to remind yourselves that you are not the only two souls in the universe.
Ask her
Have the conversation with your wife. What do you need from me? How can I be a better husband?
Each of you take a piece of paper. Tell her you are going to write down a number from 1 to 10 on performance as a husband. Ask her to do the same. Then trade papers.
Don’t be hurt or offended if hers is less than you need it to be. Ask her for ONE thing you can work on over the next couple weeks to level up a notch. Let her know that you are committed to improvement, but you can’t fix everything overnight – so ONE thing is a good place to start.
Don’t ask her to do the same job of rating herself as a wife. If she offers, accept it. Chances are she will. But don’t make this about criticizing her – make this about improving yourself.
If she’s willing to talk about what you need to improve, be humble, teachable, and don’t make excuses. If you think she’s wrong – carefully listen to what she’s saying, and commit to take it seriously and to work on it.
Get help
Nobody likes marriage counseling. It’s like going to the dentist. But if you find that you can’t work through the issues you’re facing without fighting- it may be time to call a pastor, a counselor, a marriage therapist, and to sit down and talk through the issues together. There’s no shame in it. But don’t go in with the goal of proving her wrong. Go in with the goal of fixing yourself.
If you are asking questions about how to be a better husband, this is good. Many men do not even care to explore the questions. They just assume it will happen. They just assume they are good. They follow their feelings rather than their principles and integrity. And then they react emotionally when things come crashing down. Don’t be like those men. Dig into what it means to be a good husband.
I’ll contend that to be a better husband, you should start with trying to be a better man independently of her. You commit to self-improvement whether she does or not. You commit to be the best version of yourself. Most of the time – she’ll follow suit. She wants to see you improve – and she is designed to follow your lead. If you aren’t improving – she can’t. Don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. Even if she says, “Dude, this is over. I’m done.” — being a better man is the right answer! You’ll never survive marriage or divorce if you don’t commit to bettering yourself.
In this Episode of The Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about what it takes to defeat a poverty mindset.
Defining a poverty mindset is the first step, and then understanding how it holds us back, and how we can start with changing the way we speak, and adjusting the way we think are vital in breaking that curse.
In our Ask a Man Segment, We also hear from Louis Costa from Ironmill, who answers this question:
I just got laid off. I want to put my time to good use and get ripped. But since I’m laid off – and all the gyms are closed… i’m not gonna invest in a bunch of equipment. What can i use at home to get swole, bro?
